


the disease called love

by introvertedriri



Series: adventure calling emotions [1]
Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band), MVP (Band), The Unit: Idol Rebooting Project (TV), 믹스나인 | MIXNINE (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, I love JunYoon so much, M/M, Unrequited Love, a.k.a my story/monster/that's what i like team, i might make it a multi-chapter fic but for now here it is, im sorry for this messed up slash trashy fic, it's actually sehyoon and yuchan, might add up characters if i'll make this a multi-chapter fic, pls blame byoumei wa ai datta for this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-06 09:33:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 62,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13408416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/introvertedriri/pseuds/introvertedriri
Summary: In a world where unrequited love is deadly, Junhee’s worst mistake is falling in love with one of his bestfriend. But his love for Sehyoon is too precious for him.. that instead of finding a way to get rid of it, he’ll indure it ‘til the very end.[main story: completed]° currently making the special chapters





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> to be honest, this is a mess. idk why but this plot suddenly popped out in my mind as i was listening to neru's byoumei wa ai datta and dang.. here it is.
> 
> this.. is really a mess, i repeat.

Park Junhee was certain that he fucked up, yet he kept on hanging on. Trying to be strong as he looked at the one he had been admiring for years with their bestfriend.

“Hey, you had been staring at Sehyoon-hyung again.” Yuchan said as he tapped Junhee’s shoulder.

“Oh. I w-wasn’t, I was spacing out..” Junhee blurted while looking away on the younger.

“Okay then, hyung. But we should prepare for the school fest as soon as possible..” Yuchan said then shrugged, “So, that means that we’ll be having our rehearsal until midnight.”

“Yes, I know. Don’t remind me of the things I’ve said, you punk.” Junhee stated as he huffed, Yuchan chuckled as he walked to their oldest groupmate, Donghun.

Park Junhee sighed as he covered his face with both of his hands, he’s scared and devastated at the same time. He had been experiencing the symptoms of this damn sickness, he knew that it’s going to be hard starting from now on.

“Sehyoon! Byeongkwan! We’ll start our rehearsal now, the break’s over!” Donghun announced and looked at Junhee, “Junhee, let’s start.”

“Oh, yeah. Okay.” Junhee said in a bored tone as he went in his position.

“I’m going to teach this part of the choreo, right?” Byeongkwan asked and Junhee nodded, the younger smiled, “That’s it, everyone! Y’all should prepare because you might not catch up with me.”

“Stop fooling around or I’ll hit you, Byeongkwan.” Junhee warned him but the younger just laughed.

“Junhee-hyung and his violent tendencies is on the loose!” Byeongkwan joked as he grinned, “I’m a bit nervous though.”

“You can do it, I believe in you.” Junhee looked at the black-haired man beside him that smiled a little “Byeongkwan-sshi practiced that part again and again ‘til he did it perfectly so I’m confident that you can do it.”

Ah, there he is. The cause of this sickness, the boy which was misunderstood a lot. Kim Sehyoon can only smile like that when it comes to Kim Byeongkwan, and Junhee as a lovefool is contented on seeing Sehyoon happy. Letting himself suffer in silence, instead.

So, they started practicing the choreo for the school festival. Again and again, one mistake means that they have to start over on the top again. No water breaks until everyone’s moves is polished enough. Junhee cursed this sickness for existing, his sense of sight is a bit blurry as he felt dizzy in all of the sudden.

It had been years when a new disease had been announced, the disease that was because of intense love for someone, yet unrequited. The heart yearns for the other’s affection and if it stays unrequited, weird symptoms will be experienced. Stage one, shortness of breath whenever his heart beats faster than it should because of his loved one.

Stage two, coughing out blood when the feelings had been too intense or when he’s too elated, sad, mad or frustrated about his loved one. Junhee finds this stage too hard, it’s a relief that his groupmates were oblivous when it comes to this. He can excuse himself having a cough or a flu and they’ll accept it, without a hint of doubt.

Stage three, his senses will be ineffective at a lot of times. There are times that Junhee’s sight will suddenly black out or the time when Junhee can't taste the food he’s eating. It kept on worsening and all that Junhee can do is to cling on a thin thread of hope that Sehyoon will love him back, even though it’s impossible.

Stage four, his immune system will start to weaken until his body won’t be able to function at all. Junhee feared for the worst and it seems that he’s on this stage. Without proper medication, his body could just stop functioning along with his heart. As if it is giving up on living because it’s too tired, tired of waiting and wishing for his loved one to reciprocate the feelings back.

 

“We did it, guys! We just need to practice this choreo again and again until the school festival!” Byeongkwan cheered as he looked at Junhee, “Right, team leader?”

Junhee faked a smile, “Of course!”

“We’ll show ‘em our charms and slay the stage!” Yuchan said and Donghun nods his head.

“It’s been a while since we’ve performed as a group so I’m anticipating for this!” Byeongkwan said in a cheerful tone as he looked at the four boys, “Let’s do our best,okay?”

Sehyoon chuckled as he patted the younger boy, “Yes, Byeongkwan. We will.”

Ah, damn it. Junhee did his best to keep that smile plastered on his face despite the jealousy he’s feeling, he felt disgusting for feeling such an emotion like this on one of his friend but it can’t be helped, he loves Sehyoon too much. He was there for a long time with the boy even before Byeongkwan came to their life, yet Sehyoon chose the younger.

“Hyung, we should hang out this weekend. Our rest day will be on Saturday, right? Let’s hang out!” Yuchan said and leaned on his boyfriend's shoulder, “Right, Donghun-hyung?”

Donghun nodded, “I think Yuchan’s right, we should get some rest and enjoy our rest day.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re too whipped on Chan and you can’t say no to him.” he tried to tease the older and stared at Donghun with his infamous smug expression.

“You’re just hesitating to come because you’ll look like the group’s third wheel!” Donghun retorts.

Junhee rolled his eyes, “Well, I’m too awesome to be PDA-ing with somebody, not like you guys. You suck!”

“I swear to god, Junhee will never have a lovelife.” Donghun joked and Junhee tried to keep his smug expression.

“Oh really?” he said as his eyebrows furrowed, “Let’s see about that.”

Even Junhee thinks that he’ll never have a lovelife, he’ll just keep on watching over Sehyoon ‘til the sickness will consume him.

°•°•°•°

It was Saturday, he was in front of the park where they should be meeting each other right now yet aside from him, the others haven’t arrived yet. Junhee made sure that he brought his medication with him since it’s going to be a long day for him, he’ll try to supress his damn emotions for the sake of his team.

“Damn it, I’m always the early bird.” he hissed while looking at their conversation last night, “And that punk, Byeongkwan had the guts to say that the last one to arrive will treat us ice cream even though he’s always late.”

It had been like this, Sehyoon, Donghun and Junhee had been friends since their first year in middle school. Yuchan later joined the group when they were in the same Dance club during their third year in middle school, the younger was just a freshmen back then but they got along and had been friends, they made their own unit in the Dance club and was recognized by the whole school for being a synchronized and powerful dance team. They had been the representatives on a lot of dance contests which they’ll always get a price, either being a winner or a runner-up which made their Dance club instructor proud of them.

It's also a good thing that their school had been accepting primary, middle, and high school students. That means that they'll stay as a group for a long time, but as the trio became high school students, a new face had arrived. At first, everyone in their Dance club was intimidated by the short guy in front of them. He was a well-known dancer from a prestigious school that was also a representative on dance contests, but as the younger looked at Junhee, it smiled and all of the intimidating aura around him disappeared in a blink of an eye. And after the short introduction, Byeongkwan seems to be attaching himself to Junhee’s group and they’ve decided to let an another ray of sunshine invade their turf. Three becomes four and after a while, it’s a group that consists of five boys.

 

“You looked creepy, Junhee.” Junhee suddenly looked at the one who talked and noticed Sehyoon was also sitting on the same bench as him.

“I spaced out once again..” he said and facepalm-ed.

“You had been spacing out a lot these days,hyung. A penny for your thoughts,perhaps?” Sehyoon said as he leaned on Junhee’s shoulder, “I’m still sleepy,hyung. If only Kwannie didn’t made thaf bet in the first place then I should’ve been enjoying my relationship with my mattress at home. Tell me about what you’re thinking,hyung~”

Junhee cursed to himself and tried not to feel too happy about this, Sehyoon looked like a kid with the oversized coat he’s wearing and his hair was down for this time, not like the usual brushed-up hairstyle. He tried not to ruffle the younger’s hair but he failed miserably, Sehyoon looked at him with confused eyes which made him laugh. Oh, damn it. Might as well indulge this rare moment.

“Thanks for being concern, but it’s nothing. Just about the performance, I guess.” he replied.

“Glad that it’s nothing that deep, Junhee-hyung’s a bit sentimental at times and sometimes, he’s an insensitive person. I’m afraid that if you wouldn’t express your thoughts, it might stress you out.” Sehyoon said as he looked at the cherry blossoms around, “This park’s a good place, isn’t it?”

“Yes, we had been going here since high school yet this place never change at all, it’s still beautiful.” Junhee said while smiling.

Sehyoon yawned, “Damn it, when will they arrive? I’m too sleepy.”

“Then try to take a nap for a while.. it’s alright.” Junhee suggested, “You’re too tired from the rehearsal last night,Sehyoonie. Go ahead and use my shoulder as a temporary pillow.”

“Hyung, we’re going to look like a couple if I sleep like that.” Sehyoon complained but in the end, he closed his eyes, “Well, then.”

“Sorry if I wasn’t Byeongkwan, just try to imagine that I’m him to make it more romantic.” Junhee tried to tease him and he noticed the pink hue on the younger’s cheeks.

“Shut it,hyung.” 

Instead of continuing to tease Sehyoon, Junhee shut himself and just watched the scenery while Sehyoon slept. Junhee looked at the people walking around, and the petals that kept on falling from the cherry blossoms. It was really a calm place and seeing Sehyoon’s peaceful look while he slept makes Junhee happy. If only the younger would love him back, it’ll be the best day for him.

In all of the sudden, he felt dizzy once again and he mentally cursed himself for enjoying this moment too much. He needed to hold it in himself, he doesn’t want to move because Sehyoon is a light sleeper and he’ll probably destroy the younger’s slumber. He tried to breathe again and again while massaging his head until the pain subdued, Junhee sighed.

“Not now.” he murmured while still staring at Sehyoon.

 

“Hey!”

Junhee looked at the one who shouted and saw Donghun with Chan but he shushed them before Chan is about to say an another sentence and pointed at the younger boy that was asleep. Yuchan, being the obedient kid that he is, covered his mouth and nodded while Donghun chuckled.

“Just as always.” Donghun muttered and gave Junhee a sidelong glance.

Donghun and Yuchan sat on a different bench, a little far from the bench where Junhee and Sehyoon were sleeping to avoid Sehyoon hearing Yuchan’s loud voice. Junhee looked at the boy that was asleep and at his right hand, he was hesitating if he’ll hold it or not but a chance like this is rare. Sehyoon isn’t fond of skinship—unless if it's Byeongkwan that is attaching himself to him.

But his left hand failed him, Junhee noticed how their hand fits each other’s spaces—as if it was meant to be holding each other. He cannot stop smiling while looking at both of their hands, it might’ve been just a little thing for others but for him, holding Sehyoon is enough to make him happy. Even though the younger isn’t aware, he’s fine with it. He hoped that this moment could last forever.

“Guys!!” And of course, things like this should end. Junhee immediately let go of Seyoon’s hand and looked at Byeongkwan that was running on their direction.

“Hmm?” Sehyoon stirred and opened one of his eye as he looked at the surroundings before realizing what was happening, “Oh, I slept!”

“Yes,you did. So, how was sleeping at my shoulder?” Junhee smirked as he winked.

Sehyoon rolled his eyes, “As if I have a choice.”

“Hey! What does that mean!?” Junhee pouted and he can hear Donghun’s laugh behind them. 

“Wait, the four of you were already here?!” Byeongkwan exclaimed while looking at the four of them in disbelief.

“Don’t act like you’re surprised or something, you’re always the late one.” Yuchan teased him as he stuck his tongue out.

Byeongkwan pouted, “And I thought that I was the first one to arrive.”

“Junhee was here on time, I was late for a few minutes.” Sehyoon explained as he looked at Donghun and Yuchan, “And I don’t know when did they arrived but all I can tell is that they’ve arrived before you.”

“So prepare your money, Byeongkwan.” Donghun stated in a playful tone.

“Fine!” Byeongkwan took his wallet out before sighing, “Damn it.”

 

And just like what Junhee expects, Sehyoon left his side and went beside the grey-haired boy. As all of them were walking to the nearest ice cream shop, Donghun told Yoochan to go beside Byeongkwan and the younger nodded. Donghun looked at Junhee in disbelief.

“Are you going to hold your feelings back without even fighting for it?” Junhee looked at the older with a shocked expression and Donghun sighed, “Look, I’m your friend since middle school. And I’ve saw all of the looks that you’ve been giving on our oblivous friend, I might look like I know nothing—but trust me,Jun. I know that you love Sehyoonie, I know.”

“Donghun, don’t tell anyone.”

Donghun widened his eyes, “What? Are you going to keep it to yourself?”

“Look, haven’t you seen Sehyoon’s smiles? He had never been like that unless it’s about Byeongkwan. And how can I even compete when the one he’ll choose is really obvious, I can’t ruin his happiness for my own happiness.” Junhee replied.

“You’re such a martyr.” Donghun said in a stern voice, “And stubborn,too.”

“Well, it’s up to you if you’ll keep on insisting that I should confess but sorry to tell you, I’d rather die.” Junhee said as he grinned.

“Hey!” Donghun glared at him as he smacked Jun’s head, “Don’t say stuff like that! I just want to tell you that if you need someone that you can talk to,I’m here. Don’t bottle up your emotions just to yourself, Junhee.”

Junhee looked at Donghun, the older was smiling and that was enough proof for Junhee to believe him. He can’t help but nod as he chuckled.

“Fine,” he sighed.

Byeongkwan looked at both of them before he stopped on walking, “Hey! Is there something wrong?”

“Nope! And don’t you dare ask because it’s none of your business, brat!” Junhee playfully said as Byeongkwan pouted.

Donghun sighed before he shook his head, he’s worried for the younger yet Jun kept on being stubborn as always. “Junhee..” 

“We shouldn’t talk about stuff like this for now, let’s enjoy this day.” Junhee said before running to Byeongkwan’s side.

Donghun can't help himself and sighed for the nth time, he wants to help Junhee but the younger doesn’t want to. 

°•°•°•°

It was their school festival, after the days filled with late practices, the time has come for them to perform. Junhee watched over the four boys, Yuchan seems to be too nervous but Donghun kept on assuring the boy that they’ll do well while Byeongkwan was talking with Sehyoon beside him, he noticed how Byeongkwan’s arms were wrapped around Sehyoon’s waist. Sehyoon was smiling, which was rare and most of the time, his smile was because of the younger boy. But Junhee noticed his ears, it was all red and he can’t help but chuckle which took all of their attention.

“Junhee?” Donghun said as he looked at him with confusion.

“It’s nothing, it’s just that.. it’s always like this, all of you kept on being like this and it really makes me glad to see that nothing has changed on our little group,” Junhee said as he looked at them one by one, “We’re about to perform soon enough, and after that.. we’ll probably be continuing our dance performances on different contests, so we have to work harder than we should. And I’m thankful because you guys didn’t even think about leaving our dance group despite the other units in the Dance club attempts to steal y’all in my turf.”

“How can we leave Junhee-hyung? You’ll be pitiful without us!” Byeongkwan said and Junhee shot him a glare.

“Listen, you dipshit. I am on my emotional mode right now and it’s a rare moment so enjoy every second because I’ll definitely roast you with every words I’ve got after this.” The others laughed and Byeongkwan hid behind Sehyoon which was chuckling as he looked at Byeongkwan.

“Junhee’s right, Byeongkwan. He rarely releases that sappy attitude of him so we better indulge it, or probably record it then let him watch a few days later how cringey he was.” Donghun said and Junhee wanted to slam his head on the nearest wall, even this dude is playing along with the brats.

“And I thought that you were on MY side, Donghun.” 

 

“As if I’m on your side,Junhee.” Donghun scoffed.

“Whatever, guys. Let’s just slay the stage!” Yuchan said in a determined tone, without a hint of fear or anxiety in it.

“Chan’s right, let’s do this!” Byeongkwan cheerfully said as he grinned.

“Fighting!” The five boys screamed as they did their group cheer.

As the MC called their group named, the boys went in front of the stage and the whole auditorium is filled with screams and cheers for the five boys. And as the music started, their body moved as if it was in sync with the beat and melody of the song, and in a blink of an eye, it’s over— 

The five boys sat on the backstage while drenched in their own sweat, chest rising and falling as they looked at each other with smiles that shows gratitude on one another. But as Junhee met Sehyoon’s coal-colored orbs, Junhee felt the bile rising up to his throat as an intense feeling had triggered his disease to take over.

 

He covered his mouth with his left hand as he ran to the nearest cubicle and locked himself as he threw everything up, losing his strength after throwing up made him rest on the wall as he tried to regain his strength. He heard the footsteps getting near his cubicle so he flushed every single evidence of his pitiful disease. Because Junhee believed that ignorance is bliss, he'll dragged the others down along with their dreams into bits because of his sickness.

 

“Hyung, are you alright?” It was Yuchan’s voice and Junhee mustered up his remaining strength to stand up and wipe his mouth.

He opened the cubicle and grinned, showing his cat-like teeth “Yes, Channie. I g-guess that I’m just feeling a bit unwell because of fatigue.”

“Then should we cancel our celebration later? You need to rest, hyung.” Yuchan's voice was somehow trembling and Junhee felt a pair of arms helped him to stand up, it sucks because his sense of sight is being messed up again.

“G-Go on without me, it’s alright. You guys deserve to celebrate, just have fun for me. Okay?” he stated and patted the younger’s head as he smiled, “Yuchan, make sure that they won’t overdo stuff.”

“B-But hyung, we need to consult this to the others first.” Yuchan said but Junhee shook his head.

“Go ahead.” he stated, trying to sound tough as he walked out of the restroom.

 

 

 

He went outside to get some fresh air but he witnessed something unexpected. Sehyoon giving out a rose on Byeongkwan that was flustered as heck. Junhee hid behind to eavesdrop.

 

 

“B-Byeongkwan, I like you. I really like you, I don’t know when it started but I’m certain of one thing.. you’ve captivated me and my heart. I really hope that you f-feel the same..” He heard Sehyoon confessed to the younger boy while trying not to stutter but ended up almost stuttering every single word that he said.

“Sehyoonie hyung.. wait, this is too sudden! I don’t know how to react..” Byeongkwan kept on looking on different directions as he fans himself with both of his hands, face still as red as a tomato “A-Are you sure,hyung? You’re probably kidding, right? There is no way that you’ll like someone like me? I am not that good-looking like Junhee-hyung or as mature like Donghun-hyung.. heck, I’m not even as bright as Yuchan! Maybe you’re just confused.. there's no way that you’ll like an annoying prick like me who kept on teasing and clinging to you.. there’s no wa—”

“I like you, Kim Byeongkwan!” Sehyoon shouted as he closed both of his eyes as if he just released all of his courage to scream his feelings for the shorter one, “I like you and your personality, I don’t care about your face, your height, or your attitude. I fell for you and that's it, Byeomgkwan. How can I not fall for someone as sweet and caring just like you? With your voice like honey and your smile that can be compared to the sunshine itself? How can I not notice your existence which made me change? You’ve made me happy, you’ve made me become a better person.”

“Oh my god. This is real..” Junhee can’t help but chuckle because Byeongkwan looked like he was a deer in the headlights. “This is real..”

“So.. Byeongkwan, would you please go out with me?” Sehyoon asked. 

Junhee was happy and at the same time, devastated because of Byeongkwan’s response as he accepted the rose.. totally crushing the tiny hope that he held on. “Yes, Sehyoon hyung. I would love to!”

“I-I’m glad.” Sehyoon sobbed as he tried to wipe his tears but failing in the process as more tears escaped from his eyes.

“Sehyoon hyung! Why are you crying?!” Byeongkwan gasped as he also wiped Sehyoon’s tears with his thumb.

“I’m so glad, Byeongkwan. You don’t know how you made me so happy!” Sehyoon blurted out and Byeongkwan laughed as he hugged the older.

 

 

Junhee clutched his chest as he felt himself getting weaker than he is, he can’t help but cry as he kept on walking away from outside. But his body failed him, his legs failed him as he fell to the ground while trying to breathe properly. He clutched his chest tighter but everything seems to hurt and after fighting with this sickness, he felt the urge to let the darkness cradle him to sleep. 

 

After all, he was tired. He was so tired of everything. Tired of hoping and getting hurt again and again.


	2. •

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Park Junhee was saved by someone but fate seems to be playing with his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kept on listening at kkochiya and i think that it isn't as angsty as it should be.

As Junhee opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was a guy but the strange thing about it is that this guy is kissing him and he immediately pushed the guy away as he wiped his lips. He was so flustered that he can’t even glare at the guy properly.

“W-What are you doing?!” he screamed and backed away but he gasped as he felt an intense pain from his body which made him lay down on the bed. The guy assisted him in order for him to sit on the side of the bed.

“You shouldn't move too much. The doctor said that you should rest since the emotional stress was too much for you to handle that your sickness took a toll on you,” As Junhee was regaining his sight, he found out who was this guy that kissed him. It was one of the member of their school’s Dance Club, Kim Yoon. “Seriously, I can't believe that a prince-like Park Junhee is diagnosed with Unrequited Love Syndrome.”

“Answer me! Why did you kissed me?! And where the hell am I?!” he asked while raising his voice as a sign that he is infuriated.

“First of all, you're in a hospital. I’ve found you near the teacher's lounge trying to catch your breath and carried you to the nearest hospital because I think that you’re hiding that sickness of yours and I don’t want to call an ambulance to make a scene. It was actually risky but hey, I'm concerned about you so I did this. And about kissing you..” The blonde-haired guy smirked as he rested his head on the bedside, “Let’s just say that you resemble Sleeping Beauty and probably a kiss would wake you up and hey, it worked!”

“And who gave you the permission to kiss me?!” Junhee retorts as he raised an eyebrow.

Yoon smirked, “No one. Oh hey, you probably met me but I would like it if you'll call me Rayoon.”

“Well, I guess that you have my gratitude for saving me over there.” Junhee said as he averted his eyes on the blonde-haired guy and huffed, “Thank you, Rayoon.”

“Don’t sweat it, princess.” Rayoon answered but a playful smirk was plastered in his face “But nothing’s for free nowadays, princess. I have a favor to ask.”

“What is it?” Junhee knew that he shouldn't trust this person that easily but he saved him so he should just keep his composure for a while and listen to him.

“As you can see, the other teams want you in their teams but you kept on declining the offer. It had been a nuisance to our club since all of you kept the spotlight to yourselves so I am thinking about this favor ever since you’ve been unconcious for twelve days” Rayoon said as his smirk widened.

Junhee widened his eyes, “Twelve days?! Almost two weeks?!” He can’t believe what he just heard, it can’t be two weeks. Is this guy serious or is he just playing with him?

“Yes, princess. You’ve been unconcious for almost two weeks and the only ones that I've told about your whereabouts was your family. They’ve kept it as a secret too.. they still can’t accept that their princess had a disease like this.” Junhee felt a pang on his chest on what he heard. His family knows his condition now, he felt bad for hiding it from them and they are probably devastated on what happened to him.

“How about the others?” Junhee asked and Rayoon shrugged “So they don’t know?”

“Indeed.” Rayoon nodded, “But hey, princess.. you have to do this favor of mine if you don’t want the others to know your secret. I’m not as nice as you think, I might’ve helped you but I want a price for it.”

“I know. In the first place, I don’t even trust you that much.” Junhee said as he scoffed, “So what is this favor, Rayoon?”

“Disband that dance unit of yours.”

Junhee felt like he was stabbed a lot of times on what he heard, he looked at Rayoon but the boy looked too serious on what he just said. He doesn't know what to feel, that group held too many precious memories. He can’t just disband them like that, they’re his second family. His friends were in there—Sehyoon is in there.

“Are you out of your mind?” he stated in a cold tone before smirking, “Why would I do that?!”

“Because you wouldn’t want your precious little friends to know your dirty little secret.” Rayoon answered while gently lifting Junhee’s face with his hand in order for the boy to look at him straight “So, are you going to do it or nah?”

“I-It's not that easy..” he mumbled while gripping the sheets.

Rayoon sighed before standing up and gave Junhee a reassuring smile “Believe me, Junhee. It’ll be the best for you especially that it’s obvious that the one you love is in your circle of friends. And if I’ll reveal this to everyone, even our instructors will tear your group apart or they’ll kick you out because of your health issues.”

“I don’t know..”

“Look, I’m not in a hurry. Just make up your mind before being discharged here, I’ll be waiting. See you tomorrow, Junhee.” Rayoon said as he gave him a flying kiss that made Junhee cringe.

He was left alone in the hospital room, all he can see was stuff that was color white except from the flowers that is in the white vase on the desk beside his bed. He saw his phone under his pillow and opened it, flabbergasted as all of his acquiantances had messaged him. There were also missed calls and voicemails.. he can't help but feel bad on all of them.

“Junhee hyung, are you alright? We’ve been trying to contact you but you weren’t responding to any of it. We’re really worried. Please respond to my calls and texts, hyung!” Junhee chuckled because Yuchan is always like this. 

“Hyung!!” Junhee lowered his volume as Byeongkwan's scream was heard “How are you? Where are you? Why aren't ya answering the calls and texts? I really don’t know what’s happening but please don’t be like this. We’re getting more worried..”

“Yah, you brat. What happened to you? You haven't been posting on your sns accounts and wasn't in class either. Park Junhee, where are you? We even tried to ask your parents but they weren't responding too. We went to your home but they wouldn't even talk to us. What the heck is going on? We’re worried, Junhee. I know that something is going on but please hear me out, okay? We’re your friends, if you’re bothered by something then don’t even hesitate on saying it to us. Junhee, please..” Junhee sighed as he put his phone down, Donghun is really scary when he is mad but Junhee’s sure that ghe older isn’t mad but worried of him.

He was hesitating to open the voicemail from Sehyoon but he have to do this, right? Besides, he is about to make a fatal decision and it might be the last time he'll hear his voice.

“Why am I like this? This is now or never.” Junhee isn’t a coward, he’s a brave person but it’s too much that he always chose to face any problems but this had been hard for him.

“Hey, it’s me.. Sehyoon. Y-You haven’t been responding to any of our messages and calls. Are you okay? Your parents won’t even tell your whereabouts, did you leave us? Are you somewhere out in Korea? Is that why you were ignoring us? Sorry for these questions but I’m really scared and worried of you. It had been quiet nowadays, we miss you and your blabbering.” He heard him chuckle that immediately made him smile a bit “How funny, Jun. When you were too noisy, we kept on joking that you should disappear for a while but now that you’ve been gone for a while, we were already yearning to hear your voice again. How ironic yet heartbreaking at the same time, Junhee. Wherever you are right now, you’re still coming back here.. am I right? Well, you have to. You have to.. you have to apologize on Donghun, you have to scold Kwannie when he’s too stubborn, you have to wipe Yuchan’s tears that kept on crying because he was missing you already and.. you have to listen to me and my opinion in random topics that you were eager to know. You’re our leader and I trust you that you’ll be back for us, you won’t leave us hanging. Junhee, come back. Please.”

The last word was already a whisper and he heard a sob before the voicemail ended. He pinched the bridge of his nose before laying down in the bed as he stare at the white ceiling.

 

“What am I going to do?” he asked before closing his eyes.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Rayoon’s existence was disturbing at first but with the boy visiting him before attending his class and after his school-related activities, he felt a bit comfty to the blonde boy. Especially that he brought him tasty snacks which both of them share with each other as they watch random shows that was airing in the TV. He found out that Rayoon was an underclassman and that he is in the unit where Seyong, one of the Dance club’s ace is in along with Sungjun.

Rayoon was also clingy, he kept on hugging Junhee or sometimes, he let the older use his lap as a pillow. There were times that Rayoon’s arm was wrapped around his waist or over his shoulders and there were times that the younger is being michievous as he is, stealing some kisses on his cheeks or forehead then running away. In a span of five days, they had been close as of they’ve been bestfriends. And it is the last day of Junhee staying at the hospital before getting discharged, he was anxious because this is the day that he’ll make the fatal decision.

“A penny for your thoughts?” Junhee was laying down in the hospital bed along with Rayoon sitting on it, his head resting on the younger’s lap. He looked at the blonde-haired man and noticed that he was good-looking especially when he’s making that curious expression of his “You’ve been spacing out, you weren’t even listening on how Seyong hyung tried to flirt that one music club member named Chaejin as Kwangsuk and Euijin hyung teases him.”

“Oh, I'm sorry.” He sent the younger with a small smile that made Rayon pouted. It was really weied on how both of them had became close friends in a short amounf of time.

“Hey, about the favor.. have you made up your mind?” Junhee felt an anothe pang in his chest as the younger brought up the topic again.

“Well, I have no other choice.. right?” Rayoon nodded and he sighed before averting his eyes away from the younger’s “In the end, it’ll be better that they’ll hate a selfish person like me. I might not last any longer though.."

 

“I hate to admit it but you’re right,” Rayoon stated as he felt Junhee tensed after hearing what he said.

“I guess that I’m really the worst. First, with falling in love with my bestfriend and now, for ruining the dreams that we’re aiming.” Junhee said as he laughed. The younger can’t help but notice how forced the laugh was and how fake was the smile but he didn’t pinpoint it because he ha been rubbing salt on Junhee’s wounds too much.

“No, Jun hyung. It isn’t your fault, it isn’t your fault that you fell on one of your bestfriend, it isn’t your fault for doing this. Sometimes, the world is unfair and all you have to do is accept it.” Rayoon said as he tried to comfort his hyung by running a hand on its fingers, somehow sighing as there were strands of hair falling on his hand “I think you should not dye your hair, hyung. You’re killing it.”

 

 

But Junhee did not respond and the younger was dumbfounded by his hyung spacing out once again. Rayoon just shook his head as he let Junhee use his lap as a substitute pillow once again.

 

 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

 

 

Junhee was discharged yet the doctor gave him prescriptions of the medicine that he should take and the boy is already guilty because of its price, his family have to work harder in order to pre-long his existence that can kill him any time. And he wants to run away in front of his school gate and lock himself up in his room but he have to face this or else, Rayoon would reveal his secret.

 

Rayoon is a nice person but Junhee hated that manipulative attitude of his, as if he is holding Junhee’s strings like a puppeteer. Junhee isn’t someone that judge people that easily which is why Donghun is a bit overprotective of him, he tends to be betrayed by others or dissed by them but Junhee still kept on being nice to them as if they did nothing wrong against him. He always kept on being nice to them and Donghun is worried that people might take advantage of the younger.

 

“You can do it, Junhee.” he whispered before clenching his fists and started to walk, “Junhee, there’s no turning back anymore.”

 

 

Every step he takes up to the Dance Club’s studio seems to be heavier as he is near at his destination. It was already night time and he promised himself to catch up on the lessons he missed in a span of eighteen days. He took a piece of paper from his bag and he can’t help but notice how his hands were shaking.

 

It's now or never. Junhee thought as he opened the door which revealed him in front of some of the Dance Club members that stood and ran in front of him like a bunch of lions attacking their prey.

 

 

“Junhee! Where the hell have you been?!” Sungjun, one of Rayoon's groupmates asked him as he ruffled his hair.

“Hey, you punk!” And as usual, Seyong woul scream at him as if he’s a strict teacher shouting at a student “You haven’t been answering any of our messages and calls! You have to tell me what happened to you or I'll hit you! Seriously! Everyone was worried sick!”

“I-I'm alright now." Junhee lied as he plastered a wide smile on his face which made the other calm down. He looked around and saw Rayoon giving him a side glance as if he's expecting him to do what he has to do which made him gulped and looked at the other seniors “H-Hey, do you know where Mr. Kim is? I have to talk to him.”

“He's at the faculty office.” Euijin, one of the senior stated as he gave the younger a confused look “Why are you looking for him?”

“It's really a private topic that I have to tell him before I tell the others, hope that y’all can understand that." Junhee chuckled and gave Seyong a look that the older already knew

Seyong rolled his eyes, “I know that look, Junhee What do you want?”

“Can you not let Donghun and my other groupmates follow me? Uh.. block the door with you and your huge ego.” Junhee said and had to regret it soon when Seyong glared at him.

“I’ll hit you.” Seyong warned as he scoffed, “Okay, fine. I’ll do it. Take your time and come back so that I can kick your flat ass.”

 

 

Junhee smiled as he closed the door and went to the faculty office where the teacher in charge of their club was watching a random k-drama on its phone, chuckling on a funny scene in it.

 

“Mr. Kim?” The teacher gasped and almost threw his phone when he saw Junhee beside him.

“Junhee Park! Learn to knock!” 

Junhee chuckled, “But it was opened and you looked immorsed on watching.”

“Where have you been? You’ve been missing for two weeks, brat. Your groupmates had been stressed out.” Mr. Kim said and Junhee just smiled despite being eaten up by guilt itself.

“I was just sick, Mr. Kim. My parents insisted that I should rest.” Junhee lied as he handed the paper he was holding as if his life depended on it minutes ago, “I would like to discuss about this.”

 

Mr. Kim took it and read it but it seems like his instructor can't believe the details on the paper and looked at Junhee with widened eyes “A disbandment paper? Junhee, are you sure about this? Your team is doing great!”

“Yes, I’m aware of that. But wouldn’t it be nice to scatter us? The other units would be glad to have us in their teams and we can showcased this club's talent with not just the five of us.” He reasoned out, immediately hating the words that escape from his mouth. He was selfish when it comes to his members and even fought for them yet here he was, saying these lies.

“It’s really weird, Junhee. I can’t take this seriously because you’ve been keeping them in your team for a long time then this? It’s quite suspicious, Junhee. Tell me, are you being forced to do this? Did you lose a bet? Were you bullied?" The teacher asked him and Junhee can't help but sigh. This is not going to end sooner or late and he have to end it as soon as possible.

Junhee shook his head, “No, sir. I made this decision after thinking about it for a long time, I have been deciding about this and made up my mind that our performance in the school fest will be our goodbye stage but I was unable to tell you sooner. I hope that you'll understand me, I want to the group to disband in order to help the others and also, I think that we’ve had enough spotlight on us. Time to make the others shine by sharing it to them.”

“I can't believe this.” Mr. Kim massaged his temples before glancing at the younger, “Junhee, what do you want me to do?”

 

Junhee gulped. This is now or never and just like poison, the words he said will contaminate everything. He was already too guilt for his actions but he was stubborn and a person bursting with proud, he’ll handle this the usual way.

 

Mr. Kim arrived at the Dance Club’s studio and everyone greeted him, he motioned them to compress and they followed. The teacher still can't accept this decision but Junhee had been a good kid, he can't say no to the boy's request. He had been too hardworking and passionate and was already acknowledged by him.

 

“I have some shocking news to reveal, please understand this was revealed to enlighten all of you and for all of you to prepare yourselves." Mr. Kim said in a stern tone as he looked at Donghun, “Park Junhee sent a disbandment paper to me a while ago, he’ll disband the unit where Lee Donghun, Kim Sehyoon, Kim Byeongkwan, and Kang Yuchan was in.”

/p

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love rayoon but wtf have i done to my boi ;; heol, gitaek's my bias in mvp tho


	3. •3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a mess aaaaaaaa i'm so sorry ;;
> 
>  
> 
> but hey, did y'all saw those unofficial pics that a.c.e recently released? CAUSE B O I.. THAT SEHYOON AND JUNHEE SELCA RUINED MY SANITY. IN THE MIDDLE OF A HUMANITIES CLASS :))

“What?!” Donghun blurted as he looked at their instructor with a confused expression.

“Wait, are you serious?” Seyong asked as his eyes widened.

 

The instructor showed them the paper he was holding, all of them were surprised because of the sudden announcement. Donghun looked at the younger members and saw their surprised yet hurt expression. 

“But why?” Yuchan murmured as he looked around, “W-We won’t disband.. no way.”

“This doesn’t make sense at all.” Sehyoon said as he looked at Donghun, “Hyung, what are we going to do?”

“No..” Byeongkwan shook his head as he held on Sehyoon tight, “This can’t be happening!”

“I'm so sorry but your leader had decided this so whether you like it or not, the dance unit that you’re in will be disbanded.” Mr. Kim said as he gave them a sidelong glance, “Even I can't accept this paper but I respect Junhee’s decision.”

“Wait, where’s the punk? He haven’t even explained why he did this! We need to talk to that guy now and fix this! He had been gone for weeks and this is what he’s gonna do?” Seyong was mad. He can't help but feel bad on Junhee's groupmates and also anger on Junhee's sudden decision.

“He’s outside the ro—” Mr. Kim haven't even finished his sentence when Donghun stomped his way out of the studio.

Junhee was prepared on what might happen, he had been listening from the outside. He reminded himself to stay strong and act natural as the storm comes. A storm that would probably ruin all of the courage and facade that he prepared just now, a storm with a name of Kim Sehyoon.

 

“Yah, Park Junhee!” Donghun shouted as he opened the studio’s door and glared at the younger, “What is the meaning of this?”

“I did this for the club.” Junhee responded in a confident way and smiled as if he’s proud of what he did.

“Did this for the club?! Now, you’re lying. You wouldn't even do this for that, stop lying and tell me the truth. Don't just decide things because you can, think about it a lot. Think about the promises we had, about the memories we shared on this dance unit and the hardships we’ve been through!” Donghun clenched his fists as he looked at the younger, it irritates him to see that fake smile plastered on the younger with that proud yet smug expression of his “Are you going to forget it all and just disband it.. without even consulting on the others? Without even regretting it?!”

“I'm sorry, Donghun hyung. But I've already made up my mind, rebuild it yourself if you want. But I just want you to know one thing that is certain..” Junhee walked closer and his smile faded yet he kept his smug expression “I am not going to join it. No. Never in a million years.”

“What's with this,huh? Why are you acting like that? Junhee, stop saying things like that..” Donghun can’t help but soften his voice, he’s mad but as Junhee said those words.. sadness had overcome the eldest’s feeling.

“Nothing at all.” 

“Hyung!” Junhee sighed as his jaw clenched when Yuchan went outside the studio and held his hand as if his life depended on it “What’s happening? Is this a prank? This isn’t really funny, Jun hyung!”

“Who said that this is a prank at all?” Junhee stated in a cold tone.

Yuchan froze but suddenly held Junhee’s hand tighter as he shook his head furiously, “No, hyung! Please say that you’re lying, I won’t be mad at all. You’re not going to disband us, right? You won’t do that, right? Y-You promised us.. that we’ll stay forever as a group. But... why?”

“Well, promises like that are impossible. Stop clinging on lies like that, Yuchan.” Junhee kept his stern voice but he almost want to hug the younger as he saw tears escaping his eyes. He almost apologized a lot of times in his mind as he slapped Yuchan’s hand away from his.

“Hyung, please.” Now it was Byeongkwan who went out, the younger kept his serious face and it’s one of the rare moments where Byeongkwan is not on his cheerful state “I don’t know what’s happening, Junhee hyung. But let’s talk about this.. don’t do this. If something’s bothering you, then talk to us. We weren’t just your groupmates, we’re your friends.”

 

Junhee saw Sehyoon looking at him beside the door and he can’t help but feel a pang on his chest, seeing his melancholic expression made it more harder for Junhee to breathe properly. He hadn't met Sehyoon for weeks and he missed the lad so bad that it feels like his heart is about to burst by just seeing him. But not like this, not with Sehyoon looking at him as if he’s in despair.

 

“No. It’s over. Just get over it.” Junhee said and turned his back on the three boys in front of him. He was about to start walking away from them when Byeongkwan dashed to his side and gripped his shoulder and his expression had shocked Junhee.

“Hyung, I'm begging you. Please don’t do this..” Byeongkwan is begging. The person that Sehyoon loves is begging him, Junhee can’t hide his emotions any longer.

 

So he ran. He ran away from them, he ran until he felt like his legs had been numb and his lungs were burnt. He ran until his body failed him and fell to the ground, unable to breathe properly and his chest being painful. Everything seems to be blurry as he try to breathe but everything seems to be difficult for Junhee.

 

 

“Hold it right there.” He felt someone held him as that person put something on his mouth, “Swallow it, princess.”

He recognized the voice and did what is said and afterwards, that person helped him to drink water in order for the pill to be swallowed.

 

“Yosh, there's you go.” Rayoon said as he sat beside Junhee, “I'll wait for you to recover, princess.”

Junhee wanted to retort back at the younger for calling him names but he felt so weak that he just clenched his chest as he was regaining his strength and after a few minutes, he felt okay once again. He looked at the younger that was staring at him for a while while muttering “T-Thanks.”

“Well, I’m responsible for you feeling that. That was too much, I’m sorry.” Rayoon smiled as he took a handkerchief and started to wipe Junhee's sweat and tears “It hurts a lot, right? You wanted to apologize to them for doing that but you’re unable to? Sorry for that, Junhee hyung. I really just want you to get out of that unit as soon as possible, seeing you with a desperate expression pains me. Not just me but also some of the people that notices your feeling towards Sehyoon sunbae-nim.”

Junhee widened his eyes “Y-You knew?”

“Indeed.” Rayoon stated as he stood and helped Junhee to do the same, “But hey, hyung. What are you going to do now? You can’t just leave the Dance Club, Mr. Kim really wants you there with us.”

“I don't know. I actually planned to join the Theatre Club after this but I'm sure that he won’t even let me so.. I guess that I have to join an another dance unit.” Junhee said as he chuckled and gripped on Rayoon’s shoulders when his legs went wobbly.

“How about our dance unit?” Rayoon suggested, “Seyong hyung really wants you to be in our unit? I bet Sungjun hyung and him will shower you with affection.”

“But he’ll be suspicious, Seyong is wise.” he said as he remembered how the guy shouted at him a while ago.

Rayoon chuckled as he ruffled his hair, “Don’t worry, I got this. I’ll help you.”

“Are you sure?” he asked as he looked at the younger which just grinned and nodded, “Thank you, Rayoon.”

“Just like what I’ve said, I’m responsible for you in this situation. I want you out of that group and probably.. lowkey wants you to be in our unit,” Rayoon said as he averted his eyes from the older “And when I’ve got the chance, I took it as soon as possible. Maybe I'm desperate, and it might be my last chance to steal you.”

“W-What?” 

“Nothing, princess. Don't mind it at all.” Rayoon said as he winked which made him chinge for what the younger did.

“For the nth time, I am not a princess. I have a name and it’s Junhee.” he stated as he tried to walk but as he took his first step, he felt like he was about to fall.

“Don’t force yourself,” Rayoon said as he wrapped his arm on Junhee’s waist and put the older’s shoulder over his shoulder,“Should I take you home, my princess?”

Junhee rolled his eyes and mumbled, “I hate you but yes,please.”

 

 

Rayoon took him home using a motorcycle and Junhee clung onto him as if his life depended on it. It was his first time to ride on one and Rayoon seems to be amuse on the older that wrapped his arms around his waist tight. When they arrived on Junhee’s house, he helped the older once again as Junhee’s parents went outside to help their son.

 

“Junhee, I told you not to attend school yet!” His dad scolded him and Junhee just gave them a sheepish grin which made them sigh in defeat.

“Such a stubborn kid.” His mom scoffed then looked at Rayoon in a lovingly way, “Yoon, do you want to join us on dinner?”

“Eomma! Why are you like that to him!?” Junhee complained as he pointed at the younger.

“Because Yoon is such a good kid unlike you, who kept on being stubborn.” His mom said as he hit his shoulder lightly.

“Besides, he volunteered to keep an eye at you.” His dad stated which made Junhee looked at Rayoon in disbelief.

“Why?!”

“In case you’ll get near your group of friends, Junhee. You know what we mean, right?” It seems like everyone froze with what his dad just said to him “I respect you and your sexuality but please, don’t kill yourself for love. We don’t want you to be gone sooner or later just because of a disease that is caused by unrequited love. We want you to graduate on high school them college, get a job and enjoy your life to its fullest. Not dying on a young age, because of that.. stupid disease.”

“I..I’m sorry.” Junhee muttered as tears fell from his eyes that startled the three of them.

“Junhee-ya! Why are you crying, dear?!” His mom said and hugged Junhee while patting his back.

“Y-You must’ve had a hard time accepting my disease at all, I feel bad because I just want to be okay again and for him to love me back but it’s so impossible. And this is what I get from loving him, I bet that you’re also disappointed on me too. I’m sorry.. for being a burden at both of you.” Junhee tried to wipe his tears but more kept on falling again and again.

“Junhee, you’re a man. Don’t cry too easily!" His dad stated in a stern voice but sighed before patting his head, “We weren’t even disappointed on you, you’ve tried to handle it but it's too much for you. We know that you tried to supress it from getting worse but we live on a crazy world like this, with sickness involving unrequited love and other bizzare situations. But please don’t think that you’re a burden at all. You’re our son, Junhee and no matter what, we'll be proud of you.”

“Oh my, this is getting a bit emotional. Let’s just eat, okay?” His mom suggested as he looked at Rayoon, “Sorry for that, Yoon. Are you going to join us or not?”

 

 

Rayoon just witnessed something that was a rare sight, he witnessed how the unit he silently despise break apart. He saw how the unbreakable Kim Byeongkwan begged to Park Junhee as if his life depended on Junhee’s response. He experienced how Junhee depended on him and now, he witnessed a heartwarming scene of Junhee with his family. In one day, he witnessed a lot and his excitement is too much. 

 

He felt intoxicated with this, Junhee is really an interesting person. He’ll indulge every single moment he have with him and he’ll want more until Junhee will finally realize what is Rayoon’s motive for all of what he did. 

 

 

“Sure.” Rayoon said with a smile on his lips.


	4. •4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything doesn't make sense at all.

“Symptoms? It’s basically dizziness, shortness of breath, your senses will somehow be defective and your body gets weak when your emotions is somehow overflowing when it comes to your beloved one.” Rayoon said as he gave Junhee a worried look, “And you got it all.”

“I know. But.. can you blame me?” Junhee said and Rayoon tried to avert his gaze on the older.

“I can’t. But please get your act together,” Rayoon reminded him as he looked at Junhee’s bag, “Your medicine pouch in here and a bottle of water, too. If you feel like it’s too much, take one as soon as possible. We wouldn’t want you to be crouching in the middle of class or in the hallway while clenching your chest.”

“I know. I know.” Junhee just nodded on what Rayoon kept on blabbering about his disease.

“Are you ready, princess?” Rayoon joked and Junhee punched his arm lightly, “Geez, the princess is being agressive.”

“Let’s go.” he stated and was about to ride on Rayoon's motorcycle when Rayoon went in it first.

“Hey, princess. What are you gonna do if they’ll approach you later?” Rayoon suddenly asked and it caught him off guard.

“I’ll keep on ignoring them or I’ll try to seek help on Seyong hyung, I bet they can’t even talk when Seyong hyung glares at them.” Junhee said as he chuckled despite feeling intense sadness in it “I'll do my best.”

Rayoon seems to be not convinced on Junhee but ruffled the older one’s hair as he smiled, “Okay, I understand.”

“We should hurry though..” Junhee said as he gripped on Rayoon’s shoulders.

“Wrap your arms on my waist.” Rayoon said as he gave him a sidelong glance then smirked, “I like it when you hold me tight, princess.”

Junhee cringed as he rolled his eyes, “No way.”

“Then I’ll drive faster and I’ll make you do it whether you like it or not.” Rayoon said in a proud tone.

Junhee looked at him in disbelief, “Oh no, you’re not doing that.”

Rayoon saw Junhee’s face showed fear in it and laugh  menacingly, “Oh yes, I would.”

When Rayoon started to drive fast, Junhee screamed and immediately wrapped his arms on the younger one’s waist as he closed his eyes. He can feel the air as if it was touching his face and all he can hear was the engine of Rayoon’s motorcycle. Rayoon was amused, he glanced at the older and can’t help himself but laugh as he saw Junhee closed his eyes while holding him really tight. He’s liking it and he’s lowkey wishing that it would last.

Unfortunately, it didn’t last long when they arrived at the school’s parking lot and Junhee almost stumbled when his shoes had took a step on the ground. He glared at Rayoon which was laughing and he pouted, he’s really disappointed on what the younger did.

But he wasn't expecting for Rayoon to steal an another kiss from him and widened his eyes as he covered his mouth. Rayoon was smirking as if he was really glad on what he did and winked at Junhee.

 

“You dumbass!” Junhee screamed as he glared at the younger.

“Don’t pout if you don’t want to be kissed, princess.” Rayoon said in a teasing way.

“I hate you!” Junhee screamed as he ran away from Rayoon.

“He’s such a dork.” Rayoon whispered and chuckled as he touched his lips and smirked, “Oh, Park Junhee. I’m getting addicted more and more, what am I going to do with you?”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Junhee arrived at his first class and he’s lucky because there wasn’t any person in it except from one of his friends that was in the Music Club, Siyeon.

“Hey Junhee, how are you?” The girl asked as she approached him, “You had been absent for weeks but the teachers had assured us that you were just sick and bedridden.”

“Y-Yeah.” Junhee shyly responded as he chuckled, “I guess that I have a lot of lessons to catch up, right?”

Siyeon nodded as she handed him a notebook from her bag, “You can borrow my notes, these were my extra ones and it’ll be handy for you.”

“Ah, you’re a lifesaver!” Junhee exclaimed and hugged Siyeon, “Thank you!”

“Hey! Don’t hug me too much, Yoohyeon might see. She's gonna be jealous!” Siyeon said as she pushed Junhee a bit.

“Oh yeah, I’m sorry! But don’t worry, you’re not my type!” Junhee sheepishly said.

Siyeon glared at him “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I didn’t mean to offend you, Siyeonie~ You know that you’re one of my precious friend, right? You have a special place in my heart!” Junhee said as he made a finger shape pose by his hands.

“Okay, Junhee. Now, you’re being a sap. Stop it.” Siyeon chuckled as she pinched Junhee’s cheeks, “Wait, did you lose weight? I can't pinch your cheeks like the usual!”

Junhee felt like he was slapped and averted his eyes from the gal, Siyeon raised an eyebrow on what Junhee did and realized something which made her gasp.

“Jun.. d-do you know that Byeongkwan and Sehyoon is dating?” she asked.

Junhee nods, “Yes.”

“I-It must’ve been tough..” Siyeon said.

“It is.” Junhee said as he looked around and saw no one else besides the two of them, “Siyeon, you’re a friend that I can really trust. Am I right?”

“Ah, yes. What is it?” Siyeon asked as she tilted her head a bit.

“Can I really trust you on not saying a single word about this on anyone? The only ones that know about this is Rayoon and my family..” Junhee said in a low tone as he held both of her hands.

 

Junhee wanted to tell someone about it especially that he needs to depend on someone in his class when it comes to his disease. At least one of them should be aware of Junhee’s sickness.

“Just say it already, Jun. You can trust me, remember that I know your feelings for Kim Sehyoon but guess what? My lips were still sealed.” Siyeon said as she made a gesture as if she's zipping her lips.

“You know U.L.S, right?" Junhee said and Siyeon nodded.

“It’s Unrequited Love Syndrome, a disease that a person with unrequited love have that consumes a lot of energy on the person’s body that might also cause death on the person. It can only be cured if the person that this patient loves will love him back.” Siyeon explained and Junhee nods as he gave her a sad smile which made her froze, “Wait, what’s with that question?! There’s no way for the  Prince Park Junhee to suffer that damn disease! You’re fucking invincible!”

“Unfortunately, even princes can meet their own downfall because of love.” Junhee responds as he looked down, “I have Unrequited Love Syndrome and it had been worse nowadays, I had been unconcious for almost two weeks already because of it.”

“Okay, this isn’t funny at all.” Siyeon said as she shook her head.

“I’m not lying, Siyeonie.” Junhee stated as he clenched his fists, “I didn’t even wanted this sickness at all, I just want to be loved back by him but...”

“But you’ve got that disease instead?”

Junhee nodded, “And in order for it not to get worse, I have to disband our dance unit. Despite all of the promises I’ve made and all of the tears and sweat that I’ve wiped on that dance unit, I have to break it without telling them the true reason why. I’m so miserable, right?”

“Oh my god, Junhee!” Now, Siyeon was the one who hugged him really tighter and kept her composure but her tears betrayed her as it fell from her eyes “You’ve been through a lot!”

 

When Siyeon pulled out of the hug to wipe her tears, Junhee kept on comforting her but she feels so bad for him that it made her cry again until their classmates arrived and saw Siyeon crying.

 

“Park Junhee, you punk! After not attending the class, you’ve just arrived and made a girl cry?!” Seyong said as he glared at him.

“No! I didn't made her cry! I was comforting her!” Junhee tried to reason out.

“Oh my, we’ll tell Yoohyeon about this.” Jiu said as she looked at Junhee in disbelief, “Making a girl cry, what a jerk!”

“Hey, believe me! I did not make her cry!!” Junhee said as he sighed in defeat then looked at Siyeon, “Stop crying! You're making me look like a jerk!”

“Isn’t that what you are? You could've just told me but you're a jerk! A stubborn jerk!” Siyeon said as she points her finger at him.

“Oh god, I haven’t done anything wrong..” Junhee sighed.

 

But their bickering has come to an end when Sehyoon and Donghun arrived at their classroom and stopped in front of Junhee. Despite Junhee being the older one, Siyeon felt her motherly instincts kicked in as she wiped he tears and stood of in front of Donghun and Junhee.

 

“Junhee, we need to talk.” Donghun said in a stern voice and Jun knows that it’s over for him.

“No, Junhee is busy right now.” Siyeon said as she glared at Donghun.

“Junhee, ple—” 

“Shut it, guys! Junhee won’t talk to you about breaking that pitiful group of yours and that’s final!” Siyeon hissed as she didn’t even let Sehyoon finish what he was about to say.

“What did you just said?!” Donghun exclaimed as he glared at her, “Our group? Pitiful?!”

Siyeon took a step backward but kept on glaring back at the other male despite the fear that she felt “Yes. Got a problem with that?”

“Hey, Siyeon. It looks like you’re wanting a fight..” Junhee was surprised, Donghun’s patience was short as heck but he wouldn’t even talk back to a girl like this. 

“Stop it.” Junhee had to butt in the argument before it gets worse “My decision is final. Just.. stay away from me,okay? I don’t need to be friends with pitiful guys like the four of you that kept on depending on me. Gosh, have you even realize that all of you were nothing but a burden to me?”

 

Most of their classmates had gasped on what he just said which made Sehyoon flinched and Donghun to express that hurt expression of his, Junhee kept on glaring at both of him despite him already apologizing at them in his mind a lot of times.

 

“What? Cat got your tongue?” Junhee smirked before turning his back at them, “You’re making a scene, don’t even dare to defile my reputation in here by annoying me most of them time begging like hungry mongrels that needs to be fed.”

 

Instead of sitting between Sehyoon and Donghun, he sat near the window beside Siyeon which was still flabbergasted on what her friend just said. It was a bit cringey since his words might've been inspired by those novels that Junhee reads but it was too much. Siyeon felt bad as she saw Donghun trying to prevent himself on crying and Sehyoon's shocked expression. 

 

Time seems to be fast for Junhee and after his four classes, it was already lunch break and he was surprised when he saw Seyong waiting for him outside their classroom with Rayoon that kept on grinning at him.

 

“Rayoon said that we should invite you to our table, is that alright?” Seyong asked and Junhee nods as he glared at Rayoon.

“I would love to.” Junhee said as he smiled at him.

 

Rayoon kept on stealing glances at the older one until they bought their lunch and went to their table, greeted by Euna, Suji, Euijin and Sungjun. They were shocked to see Junhee with them but still welcomed him nonetheless.

“Hey, can we share a table with you guys?” Junhee was shocked to see Siyeon and Yoohyeon in front of them.

“Of course!” Seyong said as the couple joined them, “Wow. All of us are from the Music and Dance Club, we should make a unit for ourselves.”

“I think that will be lovely!” Yoohyeon chirps as Euna giggled.

“It’s been a while since we’ve been like this.” Suji said as she looked at Junhee, “Especially you.”

“But now, I'm back.” Junhee said as he sheepishly smiled at them.

“Yeah right. Just wanna let you know that we’re not gonna let you hang out with other people! Let’s stay tight y’all!” Euna said in a cheerful tone.

“But Seyong will continue on bullying me!” Euijin complained.

“Yah! I’m not bullying you!” Seyong retorts.

Sungjun scoffed, “Yeah right. You weren’t.. just hurting him verbally and emotionally?”

“Listen, you dipshit. You’re supposed on my side..” Seyong groaned.

“Oh, I thought we’re tight?” Siyeon asked as she looked at them.

Rayoon chuckled, “Not anymore.”

They kept on joking around as they ate, it’s been a while. Seyong, Sungjun, Euijin, Siyeon, and Junhee were classmates while Euna, Rayoon, Suji and Yoohyeon were their underclassman that became friends because of their club activities related to each other. 

But everyone had been silent when they saw Yuchan, Donghun, Sehyoon and Byeongkwan going on the table beside them, they looked at Junhee with a concerned look but he smiled, an assurance that it's alright so Seyong fake coughed and started a topic about how Raehwan kept on annoying him for a box of donuts.

“Hey, Seyong hyung. Junhee wants to say something.. can you hear him out?” Junhee was surprised as Rayoon said his name.

“Oh, what is it?” Seyong asked as he looked at him, “Listen, you brat. If it’s about money, ain’t gonna lend you a single cent. Ask Chaejin for that, not me!”

“No, it’s not that.. it’s actually..” Junhee can feel his heart pounding too much, he can’t act like it’s a big deal. “You know how I admire all of you in your unit, right? I’ve been thinking about it for months and.. I would really like to join your dance unit? If you’ll adopt me, that is.”

“What the fuck?” Seyong choked on the chicken he was munching and instead of giving him his bottle of water, Sungjun laughed and took a vid of it as Rayoon gave him his water bottle.

“Junhee.. are you sure?” Siyeon asked as she glanced at Donghun. It seems like they froze and was listening on their conversation.

“Do I look like I'm kidding at all? I really want to join your dance unit, Seyong.” Junhee said as he looked at him, “Is that okay, Seyong hyung? Rayoon said that you ‘lowkey’ wants me to join your dance unit!”

“You punk..” Seyong gritted his teeth as he glared at Rayoon that was whistling while avoiding Seyong's glare. Seyong pinched the bridge of his nose before clasping his hands and looking at Junhee with a serious expression “Listen, I’m sure that you know that it’ll cause a fucking disaster. Are you sure about that?”

“I’m certain of it.” Junhee said as he kept on smiling at Seyong.

“Are you really sure? I swear.. Seyong won’t even let you go once you’re in, you’ll be suffering like Kijoongie!” Sungjun said in a playful tone and winced when Seyong hit him in his stomach.

“Park Junhee, are you sure that you’ll join my dance unit? I’m asking you this for the last time, there’s no turning back once you’ve joined mine.” Seyong said in a stern voice as the others waited for Junhee to respond.

“Of course, Seyong. I will join your dance unit.. actually, I was planning on joining the Theatre Club but Mr. Kim will probably don’t let me do that,” Junhee shyly said as scratched his head, “Thank you for adopting me, Seyong.”

“Listen, you id—” Seyong was about to scold him when Sehyoon suddenly slammed the table which made them look at them.

“Shit.” Euijin whispered as he took a glance a Junhee which made him more concerned, Junhee wasn’t even surprised. He looked like he was bored as he was looking at Sehyoon.

“I c-can’t..” They’ve heard Yuchan sobbed and dashed outside the cafeteria, trying to wipe his tears.

 

Donghun looked so stressed and gave Junhee a sidelong glance before following his boyfriend. He feel bad for Donghun doing his best to fix everything but failing miserably because Junhee kept on preventing his plans to succeed. Checkmate.

 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

 

 

Yuchan went to the nearest stone bench and cried as he clenched his fists. He was scared of what might happen to the four of them now that their group’s pillar had left them. He was really expecting Junhee to be joking or probably  just acting but there’s no reason for him to be like that. He’s bad at making jokes.

He expects Junhee to come at them while apologizing for what he did, saying that it was all just a joke. And they'll cry.. all of them will because they expected that it was true. That their dreams as a group is about to be ruined.

 

But it wasn’t. Junhee isn’t going back to them anymore and it hurts the younger,  Junhee had been one of his role model. His leadership and his dedication to dancing was really amazing. He was afraid, he don’t want this to happen. He wants to approach Junhee and pull him back but the older seems to be pushing him away.

 

“Channie.” He looked up and saw Donghun looking at him.

“H-Hyung.. I’m scared.” he muttered as tears kept on falling from his eyes, “I-Is Junhee hyung going to leave us for real?”

“I don’t know.” Donghun kept his composure and sat beside the younger, holding his hand tight as he try to comfort him, “But you have to be strong for now, Yuchan. A lot of difficult stuff is about to happen and I’m sure that it’ll be painful but we’ll get over it eventually.”

“I want to be strong.. but seeing Junhee hyung being happy with the others makes me so mad. And when he said that h-he’ll join Seyong hyung’s dance unit.. I lost it.” Yuchan clenched his jaw as he glared at the ground, “Why did he have to do that? After saying that h-he'll leave us? What have we done wrong to make him disband us?! After he suddenly left after the school fest, he was gone for two weeks and coming back with a disbandment letter? It doesn’t make sense at all!”

“Yuchan.” Donghun sighed as he rested his head on the younger’s shoulder, “I know that you’re frustated as heck, too. But please stay strong for us, it hurts us to see you crying again and again. We’re hurt too, but we have to keep ourselves strong. Please remember that.”

“O-Okay, hyung.” Yuchan said as he wiped his tears and looked at Donghun with a tiny smile on his lips “I’ll try not to cry too much.”

“That’s good.” Donghun said as he yawned, “C-Can I sleep for a while? I’m so tired. Haven’t slept a wink since last night.”

“S-Sure,hyung.” Yuchan nodded.

 

 

He rubbed the back of Donghun’s palm as he hummed a random melody until he can see Donghun sleeping peacefully. When he saw that Donghun’s finally asleep, he can’t stop himself on trying to prevent his tears on falling and let himself cry silently. Wishing for everything to be just a nightmare.. a nightmare that isn’t real at all.

 

Meanwhile, Byeongkwan looked at Sehyoon with a concerned look. The older was furious and now that the attention is on them because the older had slammed their table, he don’t know what to do. He was slowly losing it, especially when Junhee looked at them for a while then looking back at his friends as if nothing happened at all. Everything doesn’t make sense at all.

 

“S-Sehyoon hyung, let’s go get some fresh air. Shall we?” he offered as he intertwined his hands with the older.

 

 

 

Sehyoon just nodded and looked at the ground, he let Byeongkwan drag him out of the cafeteria until they’ve arrived at the school’s mini garden. Sehyoon sat on one of the bench as he looked at the flowers but it seems like his mind was on somewhere else.

Byeongkwan wanted to scream at Junhee and slapped him until he realize that what he’s doing is not right at all but he needs to take care of Sehyoon first. Sehyoon might look like he’s a strong person but deep inside, it’s so fragile that he might break by just touching him.

 

 

“Sehyoon, are you alright?” he asked.

Sehyoon shook his head “No.” Sehyoon was trying to keep calm but everything had been a mess.

“What are we going to do?” Byeongkwan asked him. He doesn’t know what to respond and he tried to think of a decent answer.

“Keep on trying to get him back.” he casually responds while clenching his fists.

“Should we talk to his parents about it?” Byeongkwan suggested.

Sehyoon shook his head “His parents seems to ignore us, her sisters won’t respond either. It seems like they’re aware of this situation.”

“Sehyoonie.. I went on his home a while ago but hey, I saw Rayoon went out and he even took Junhee to school.” Byeongkwan said and saw how surprised Sehyoon was. Byeongkwan wanted to tell him how he followed both of them and how he witnessed that Rayoon kissed Junhee but he’ll keep silent for now.

“I.. didn’t know that they’re friends.” Sehyoon murmured as he massaged his head, “Seyong hyung and Sungjun hyung were his friends but Rayoon? No. He wasn’t close with him.”

“Now, that was weird. Do you think that Seyong hyung knew something about what’s happening?” he asked as he lean on the wall.

Sehyoon shrugged, “I don’t know but that Rayoon seems to be suspicious. Junhee’s family was really picky on Junhee’s friends..”

“Should we keep an eye at them?” Byeongkwan suggested once again.

Sehyoon nodded, “Yes..”

 

Sehyoon kept on thinking about the wordds that Junhee said to them, he said that they're pitiful and just a burden to him. He looked so tired as he said those words and while hanging out with his other friends, he seems to be relieved. Maybe he was right, maybe they were depending on Junhee too much. But he blames himself, he's always the one that seeks for Junhee's advice and for him to listen on his random opinion to stuff.

 

He loves quiet places but sometimes, the silence was too deafening and Junhee had been there to listen on him since they’ve became friends. Whenever everything is too much, he always come to Junhee and seeks for is comfort. He’s an important person in Sehyoon’s life because he was always there for him. He had been there to break Sehyoon’s walls and let the four in. Maybe he was just like the others, he’ll leave him alone. Hanging on that single thread of hope that their friendship will be  back to normal.

 

“Byeongkwan, am I pitiful?” he asked suddenly.

Byeongkwan widened his eyes and shook his head furiously “Not at all! Who said that?! I’ll fight him!”

“Then.. am I being a burden to you?” he asked once again.

Byeongkwan shook his head again “Nope. Not at all.”

“You’re.. not going to leave me,right?” Just like Junhee, he thought.

Byeongkwan sighed as he cupped both of Sehyoon’s cheeks and shook his head, “Listen, Sehyoonie. I won’t leave you. You know that I love you so much, right?”

“Yes.” 

“Are you doubting me?” Byeongkwan asked.

Sehyoon shook his head, “No.”

“All you need to do is trust me, Sehyoonie. I won’t leave you ajd I can’t.” Byeongkwan said in a calm tone before he planted a kiss on his forehead and sat in front of him while intertwining both of the hands together, “See how our hands fits each other like it’s meant to be? Cute, right?”

Sehyoon smiled a bit and nodded. But he can’t help but feel a bit uneasy about everything, how can he trust everyone right now when the first person that he trusted had left his side?

 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

 

Rayoon was so delighted, everything that he had been wishing for was coming true. Especially when the indepent prince-like Park Junhee is somehow depending on him, it feels so surreal and he was so happy. 

 

 

“Rayoon..” He looked at Siyeon and smiled at her.

“What is it, Siyeon noona?” he asked.

“Stop acting like you’re innocent, Rayoon. You’re the one that made Junhee disband his dance unit, right?” Siyeon asked as she crossed her arms while raising an eyebrow.

“Oh~ I’ve been caught.” Rayoon said in a playful tone before nodding, “Yes.”

“You’re hurting him, Rayoon.” Siyeon hissed.

“Too straightforward! But yes, I’m aware of that. Can you blame me, Siyeon noona? Do you want to see him suffer with that disease often because he was near Sehyoon hyung?” Rayoon retorts.

“I know.. I don’t want him to get hurt by that guy.” Siyeon murmured as she looked away, “Rayoon.. just please take care of Junhee. I know what you’re up to..”

“Don’t worry, Siyeon noona. I will just stay with him until the end, he’s really an interesting fellow.” Rayoon said as he smirked, “I won’t hurt him.. but playing with him won't hurt,right?”

“Rayoon.. just don’t,” Siyeon was tired, she still can’t accept Junhee’s confession about his disease that well. She wants to go home and sleep then wake up as if everything is just a horrible nightmare.

“Can’t promise you, noona.” Rayoon replied as he hid his hands on his blazer, “You should be going back on your class, Siyeon noona.”

 

 

Siyeon sighed in defeat as she went back to her class just to witness Sehyoon dragging Park Junhee out of their classroom. 

 

“Damn it!” she screamed as she followed both of them.

 

 

This is getting messier and Siyeon just wants everything to be back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this starting 11pm and i think it's around 2:30 a.m. rn ;; it's really a bit messy and idk.. i am losing confidence on writing nowadays ;; haha


	5. •5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sehyoon, and Byeongkwan tried to persuade Junhee on coming back. Yuchan started to believe on a certain legend that will make his wish come true and Junhee still trying to act tough even though his facade is slowly breaking apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's 4 a.m. here in the philippines and i have a 7 a.m. class so i kinda rushed the last part ;; sorry if it's boring and kinda lame 
> 
>  
> 
> and those comments and kudos aaaaaa do i really deserve that? ;; thank you so much for wasting time on this one. :<

In a blink of an eye, he was being dragged by Sehyoon to the rooftop as the older kept on holding his hand really tight. Junhee doesn't know what to do, he wants Sehyoon to let go of him and he also wants Sehyoon to not let him go. And as the two arrived in the rooftop, Sehyoon immediately closed the door before looking at Junhee.

Now, it's time for Junhee to get his act together. He gave Sehyoon  a bored look as he crossed his arms, “What do you want?”

“Talk.” 

“About what?” he asked.

“You.” Junhee gulped as he noticed that Sehyoon is not in a good mood, it’ll be a complicated situation.

“Look, Sehyoon. We don’t have anything  to talk about, can you let me go back on our classroom? I want to enjoy the last thirty minutes of the lunch break on writing the notes that Siyeon gave me.” He tried to find an easy way out but Sehyoon was leaning on the door and shook his head, keeping his gaze on the younger.

“No.” Sehyoon said while clenching his jaw, “Tell me, Junhee. Why are you avoiding us?”

“Avoiding all of you?” Junhee tilts his head as he blinked, acting all innocent in front of Sehyoon “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about, Junhee. You’re avoiding us, you wouldn’t disband our dance unit for nothing, you wouldn’t even join Seyong’s dance unit and you won’t say hurtful words to us knowing how fragile we are.” Sehyoon said while gritting his teeth.

“What? So now, you’re accusing me of avoiding all of you? Can’t you just get over it? It’s just a dance unit!” Junhee exclaims.

“A dance unit? Is that what you think of it? Just a dance unit?” Sehyoon’s expession seems to darken as he looked at Junhee with a hurt expression “It’s not just like that at all!”

 

Junhee wasn’t expecting Sehyoon to burst out too easily, he was expecting him to be keeping his composure as he talk to Junhee until Junhee will make him shut up and let him be. This is not what he planned, he saw Sehyoon was trying to supress his emotions but it seems like now that they’re alone, he can express all of it.

“And now, you’re overreacting.” he simply said while leaning on the railings as he tries to calm himself by feeling the cold breeze.

“You dragged me into this, I have the rights to overreact. I don’t even trust anyone during primary school until you approached me, you kept on annoying the hell out of me until I gave up and let you in. You let me do the things that I haven’t done, befriending Donghun, hanging out, making me voice out my thoughts and dragging me in a Dance Unit.” Sehyoon smiled a bit as he looked at Junhee, “That dance unit isn’t just like that, it’s my haven. I have Donghun, Yuchan, Byeongkwan and you over there. Even though we’ve been through a lot of hardships, we kept on being together. We witnessed how Yuchan confidently confessed to Donghun and saw how he became a mess like that and we witnessed how their love blooms as the time kept on passing, we witnessed how you try to deliver your winning speech whenever we win on a dance contest while keeping your composure even though you’re about to cry and we witnessed how Byeongkwan gets serious whenever he’s doing his best to teach us the choreography. Look, we had a lot of precious memories in that ‘dance unit’ that it isn’t just a unit anymore. I bet that even you had a lot of memories that you cherished,too.”

“Memories will still be memories. It’ll be forgotten anyway.”

“But I won’t, I will continue on remembering it whenever I can. Because of that dance unit, I learned how to express myself more and to understand the four of you. Because of that dance unit, I met Byeongkan and learned how to love someone.” Junhee felt a pang on his chest when Sehyoon’s smile was so sincere and averted his eyes on the older “It made me meet Byeongkwan, that guy which was born in summer yet his skin seems to be kissed by the cold winter itself. That guy that looked intimidating at first but was actually a cheerful lad, he made me feel love. It was overwhelming at first but I learned how to enjoy it and I never felt so happy when he said that we’ll go out.. that we’ll be dating.. it feels so wonderful and I cried after confessing to him, because it was too good to be true.”

 

Junhee remembered what he witnessed after their performance and he can’t hide the pain any longer, the pain on his chest was getting worse. He don’t want to end up trying to catch his breath in front of Sehyoon, he needs to stop this conversation as soon as possible. He can't keep up with his facade any longer, he’ll break down soon.

 

“Heh, so you’re saying that a miserable boy until I saved you from it? Thanks, I guess. But listen, I don’t give a fuck anymore. I respect you, Sehyoon hyung so I hope that you can respect my decision just like what Mr. Kim did.” Junhee said while glaring at Sehyoon, “I am so done with the four of you begging for me to come back, it’s not that important anyway. You can still continue and find an another one, you kept on clinging to me as if your life depended on it. It’s so annoying, I have to keep on smiling and faking my emotions just not to disappoint all of you. I have to go under a lot of hardships that all of you probably don’t know just to keep that dance unit and now, I’m just tired. Let it go already, I’m so tired..”

“Please don’t..” Sehyoon murmured as he walked and stopped in front of Junhee, “You’re our pillar, the one that kept us tight and strong. You’re our leader and also one of our friend, we can’t just let you go like that.”

“D-Don’t come any closer..” Junhee threatened him but it ended up being a plea to the older.

“Junhee..” Junhee was shocked when Sehyoon hugged him and with all his might, he tried to push the older but Sehyoon hugged him tight that resisting wasn’t going to do anything at all “If there’s something bothering you, don’t hesistate on talking about it to us. You’ve been suffering for a long time and you’ve kept it to yourself, we’re sorry. You’ve done well, you’ve been a strong fella. I’m so proud of you, Junhee.”

“L-Let me go!” Junhee screamed as he tried on pushing Sehyoon away. He’s slowly losing it and Sehyoon’s words hit him too hard that he was about to cry, it was too comforting that he was about to cry but he still kept his act.

“Junhee, please don’t leave us." Sehyoon said in a calm tone but he can notice that his voice was somehow shaking, “Please don’t, we need you.”

“Just fucking let go of me!” Junhee screamed with all of his might and Sehyoon pulled out of the hug, surprised on how Junhee was shaking as he clenched his fist and glared at him “Look, I’m so done with all of this bullshit! Just let me go already! Why can’t I seek for my own happiness?! Why do you have to prevent me on doing what I want?! Just stop it, I'm so tired already! Do you even know the hardships I’ve been having because of you?! You and your miserable self somehow influenced me how to fragile at all! I hate this and I hate how you talk like you can understand me when you don’t even know what I’ve been through!”

“J-Junhee..” Sehyoon tried to hold his hand but Junhee slapped it away.

“I hate you.” Sehyoon widened his eyes as Junhee said it with hatred on his voice “All of you.”

 

 

 

He froze, he just looked at Junhee stomping out of the rooftop and leaned on the railings, trying to understand what just happened. Meanwhile, as Junhee opened the door, he saw Siyeon giving him a sad look and he sighed.

 

 

“Should we go somewhere else?” Siyeon offered as she gave him a sad smile, “We still have fifteen minutes left.”

 

Junhee was too emotionally tired to respond and just nodded, they went to the school’s mini-garden and Siyeon was about to say something but Junhee can’t control himself and sobbed. He cried and covered his face as Siyeon kept on tapping his back  he feels so bad and he wants to apologize on his friends but he knew that he have to keep this act together. Rayoon is right, if he's beside Sehyoon.. his sickness will get worse than it is.

 

 

“Just let it all out, Jun.” Siyeon reminded him.

“I.. feel so bad. I want to disappear already, why is life unfair? Why do I have to suffer from this? Is there something that I've done wrong aside from that?! Why?” he screamed as Siyeon kept on comforting him.

“There, there.” Siyeon said as she removed Junhee's hands from his face and wiped his tears using a tissue “Just cry it all out, you've been through a lot. Jun, just cry until you can feel better.”

“H-How? Is everything going to get better? I-It’s all ruined..” Junhee sobbed as tears kept on falling.

“Someday, everything will get better and you’ll understand why some things happened to be unfair in this world.” Siyeon stated.

 

She kept on comforting Junhee until he stopped crying, but he was so drained from all of the things that happened. It was his second day after being bedridden and he have to experience a lot of pain, after taking a pill and drinking a lot of water, he looked at Siyeon that seems to be texting someone.

 

“Hey, Rayoon is worried.” Siyeon said as she nudged her arm at Junhee, “Jun, what do you think of him?”

“H-He’s a boy filled with mischief but I can sense that he’s a good person.” Junhee stated while trying to pluck a dandelion on the ground. Aware that Siyeon is trying to lift his mood up.

“But if you’ll think about him as someone that likes you, do you think that he had a chance on dating you?” Siyeon asks, looking at him as if she’s expecting a response from Junhee

“I don’t know. Probably yes, but you know that I love Sehyoon so much..” Junhee muttered as he blew on the danderlion and looked at it as it followed the breeze.

“I know that there’s only one cure but is it possible to be cured if you fall in love with someone else?” Siyeon asks again with a hopeful glint on her eyes.

Junhee shrugged, “Probably. I don’t really care now, all that I’m aware is I’m dying and I love him so much that it hurts.. literally.”

 

And as they heard the school bell, Siyeon dragged Junhee back to their room. Just in time before their teacher arrived and both of them kept on panting because of running.

 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

 

 

Days passed and it turned into weeks, Junhee still kept on avoiding his former groupmates as they try to get him back on their side. Thanks to Seyong, they’re somehow intimidated and somehow gave Junhee some space. Seyong kept on asking what’s the real reason why Junhee left them but all he can respond is a lie along with a smile.

 

The four were tired already, losing their hope on getting their leader back as they see him enjoying on the other unit. But Byeongkwan isn’t a person that gives up that easily, he’ll do anything to attain his goal and he won’t stop until he gets it. For the weeks that passed, he observed Junhee from afar and even stalked the older. He noticed that Rayoon was always with him, he can’t help but let the green-eyed monster called envy consume him.

 

‘Why is Rayoon with Junhee? It should've been him along with the others!’ He thought as he glared at the blonde-haired male.

 

 

Byeongkwan witnessed how his friends changed; Donghun was always frustrated and kept on making mistakes on their practices, Yuchan isn’t that cheerful anymore, and Sehyoon.. the boy was being a bit distant unlike before. As if he’s rebuilding that wall which Junhee broke, and if it gets worse, Sehyoon wouldn’t even trust an another person again. But Byeongkwan didn’t changed at all, he still kept on being that ray of sunshine for the others as he kept being competitive.

 

And he treats this situation as a difficult competition but he won’t lose, he will get Junhee for the others. He will rebuild the group that Junhee broke—or probably, it was Rayoon. He don’t trust that guy, he’s too suspicious.

 

 

“Junhee.” Byeongkwan said as he approached Junhee in the mini-garden where it seems that the boy is enjoying his alone time during the lunch break while reading an another novel.

“What do you want?” The older deadpans.

“Come back.”

“No.” Junhee replies.

“We need you.” Byeongkwan stated as he kept on looking at Junhee.

Junhee smirked as he glanced at Byeongkwan, “Guess what? I don’t need any of you.”

“When will you stop lying at yourself? You’re just going to ruin yourself more..” he said.

“I’m not ruining myself, Byeongkwan.” Junhee stated while leaning on the bench and flipped the novel to an another page.

“Oh really? Then why are you doing this?” Byeongkwan scoffs, knowing that Junhee would just lie again.

“Because I can.” Junhee said, his attention was on the novel he’s currently reading.

“Just reminding you that you aren't just ruining yourself, you’re also ruining me and the others.” Byeongkwan said in a cold tone and he smirked when he noticed that Junhee somehow froze.

“It’s none of my c-concern..” Junhee stuttered and Byeongkwan’s smirk went wider when he noticed that as the older stuttered, he looked at a different direction.

“Wow, Junhee hyung. You can’t fool me with that facade of yours, I’m way better than what you think of me.” Byeongkwan confidently said, “I bet that Rayoon sunbae-nim is somehow behind this. He kept on following you wherever you go and he seems to be enjoying it a lot. What’s your relationship with him, Junhee hyung?”

“It’s none of your concern.” Junhee repeats and Byeongkwan noticed that his grip on the novel was tighter.

“You know that I won't give up that easily, Junhee hyung. You’ll be coming back to us sooner or later..” Byeongkwan murmured as he sighed, “Junhee hyung, you’re so important to the four of us. We’re so desperate on having you back.. so please, hear us out.”

“No. My answer is no, and that’s final.” Byeongkwan would be lying to himself if he would deny that he felt like his heart dropped on Junhee's response. It hurts. A. Lot. “If you’re not going to say anything aside from that, you may leave. You’re disturbing me and my alone time.”

 

 

It’s like Junhee still have a bit of control to Byeongkwan as he walked away from their former leader, he was so used on Junhee commanding them that one order from him and he'll act as soon as possible. But he wouldn’t give up. No. Not that fast. Not at all.

 

 

“Where have you been?” Donghun asked as Byeongkwan arrived on the practice room. The four of them kept on practicing during their free time, it’s already December and they’re going to perform in three weeks for their school progarm.

“Just roaming around the hallway..” he replied while smiling at the older, “Are you going to attend your class later?”

“I.. don’t think so. My mind’s a bit messed up..” Donghun said and he sighed. Donghun had been sighing a lot of times ever since Junhee left and it was almost two months ago.

 

Just like the leaves, Junhee left them in the middle of autumn. And they’re left to face the freezing cold air of winter, just like how cold Junhee had been acting towards them.

 

 

“I’m not going to attend class too," Yuchan said while stretching his arms, “I’ve been having a hard time on listening on the teachers these days, I want to take a rest for a while.”

“How about you, Sehyoonie?” he asks and Sehyoon just shook his head, “So, we’ll skip our classes today and practice.. is that it? Alright, then.”

“It’s a bit quiet..” Yuchan murmured as he tried to chuckle but it ended up being a sob, “I miss Junhee hyung.”

“Yuchan, don’t cry..” Donghun said as he went beside the younger and hugged him.

“It’s just that everything feels so incomplete and I can’t bear it. I miss Junhee hyung and I want him to be with us again..” Yuchan said as he cried, unable to stop his tears and sobs despite Donghun comforting him “I can’t focus at all, I want Junhee hyung back! I want him back!”

“You’re not the only one that wants him back, Yuchan. Please stop crying so we can start our practice, we’re already wasting our time.” Byeongkwan said in a stern voice which startled the others.

“Byeongkwan, he’s sad. Let him be.” Donghun tried to reason out.

“We’re also sad because of Junhee hyung’s departure, we’re also desperate on getting him back as we kept on pleading him whenever we have the chance. All of us are feeling the same, it’s incomplete.. but we have to keep on moving forward!” Byeongkwan exclaims as he crossed his arms, “We can’t waste our time and tears on crying for Junhee hyung, we have to show him what we’ve got and what we can do without him. I know that he’ll miss us.. deep inside, he misses us but he kept on hiding it on that facade of his. So, that's why we need to work harder..”

“I-I'm sorry..” Yuchan whispered while wiping his tears “Y-You’re right.. we have to do our best.. for Junhee hyung.”

“That’s the spirit, Chan. Stop crying and be a man! And also you, Donghun hyung! Stop sighing and push those problems aside for now!” Byeongkwan smiled a bit before he glanced at his boyfriend which was sitting in a corner, observing them “And Sehyoonie, stop moping over them and dance. Dance with all your might..”

“Here you go again, being that ray of sunshine to our group.” Donghun said as he nodded, “Okay.”

 

 

Sehyoon stood up and went on their side, the four of them looked at each other and nods. All of them have the same purpose, to be able to pull off a performance that will tug Junhee’s heartstrings. And hoping that their former leader would change his mind and come back.

 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

 

Even with the medication, Junhee kept on getting weaker as the season changed. He can’t get tired too much and he shouldn’t feel intense emotions or else, he’ll have a hard time breathing. His body somehow malfunctions like a robot with rust in it. The sickness is contaminating his immune system and his health depends on his emotions. Thankfully, Rayoon and Siyeon was there for him to accompany and take care of him. Siyeon was being careful and at the same time, scolds him like a mom whenever he do something risky while Rayoon.. is still Rayoon. He kept on being michievous but it seems like his skinship with Junhee had been getting more intimate than before. Junhee was already getting used on Rayoon stealing kisses from him and intertwining their hands that he doesn't even bother to scold the younger boy. Maybe it’s just his way on expressing how he feel. 

 

His love for Sehyoon never changed but sometimes, just seeing the older boy makes him gasp for air. Just seeing Sehyoon is already causing him pain, what's more if he talks? It’s weird because Sehyoon seems to give up on approaching him and he felt bad, but he was surprised to see a tiny box on his locker everytime filled with a piece of paper that says ‘Please come back. We miss you.’ and he knew that it was Sehyoon. Sehyoon is somehow fond of boxes and was a little weird but that’s what makes him unique. That’s just a part of Sehyoon that Junhee loves sincerely.

 

Donghun kept on pleading him along with Yuchan but he kept his facade and ignores them whenever he can. He’s somehow careful when it comes to Byeongkwan, that boy is too nosy and passionate on the stuff that he set his eyes on. And unfortunately, his current goal now is to drag Junhee's dying ass back to their dance unit. He also warned Rayoon about Byeongkwan but the mischievous blonde just laughed and teased Junhee to lift the mood up.

 

 

It was one night when Junhee arrived on their school’s dance studio and saw Yuchan in a corner, folding paper cranes while putting them on a jar. The way Yuchan folds was quick and messy, as if his life depended on it and he needs to finish it as soon as possible. He wants to ignore the younger but he already felt worse on making him cry again and again so he decided to talk to him.

 

 

“What are you doing?” he asks.

Yuchan stopped on folding and looked at Junhee, surprised that the older talked to him “I-I’m folding paper cranes!”

“I know.” Junhee sarcastically said and he cursed himself when Yuchan's expression fell “I m-mean, why are you doing that?”

“I saw this legend on the internet that if you fold a thousand paper cranes, the wish that you want will be granted.” Yuchan replies as he continued on folding “I’m hurrying it up so I can get my wish already.”

God knows how Junhee resisted on not patting the younger and ruffling his hair for being too adorable and cute. “Why are you hurrying it up? What’s that wish that you’re so eager to be granted anyway?”

Yuchan smiled and he noticed that it’s a sad one as the younger looked at him, “For Junhee hyung to come back to us and we’ll stay together.. forever.”

 

“Oh.” Junhee’s mind went blank and looked at Yuchan, he wants to hug the younger and apologize for hurting him too much that the younger wishes for him to come back “That will never come true, Yuchan. Just get over me being the leader of that dance unit.”

“No. I won’t. The truth is I want to cry right now but Byeongkwan hyung said that I shouldn’t cry, that I should be strong for everyone.” Yuchan replied which caught Junhee off-guard once again.

“Byeongkwan seems to be doing a great job.” Junhee said in a cold tone “He can be your unit’s leader, he’s a reliable and talented person. He deserves to be the leader, Yuchan.”

“No! You’re our only leader and the only one that we’ll acknowledge as our leader!” Yuchan said as he smiled at Junhee but it’s a real one and Yuchan looked determined, “Just wait, Junhee hyung! Our performance this weekend will make your jaw drop! We’ll let you see that we can still pull off an outstanding performance without you.. and we’re fired up because of you..”

“Nice try, Yuchan. But I'm not going back.” Junhee said while looking at the brunette with a smug expression.

 

 

Junhee went to the other side of the studio, pretending to be immorsed with scrolling on his phone but kept on stealing glances on the younger. He was caught by the younger as their eyes met and he immediately averted his gaze while hearing the younger chuckle. Junhee wanted to smile and chuckle along with Yuchan but he needs to keep his act together. He’s not getting better as time kept on passing, he can’t break the boy even more than how he did.

 

 

Days passed once again and their school held a program and unfortunately, he’s on the backstage along with his former groupmates. But this time, he’s with Seyong and his new groupmates. It’s a bit awkward but Rayoon was there to the rescue and distracted him.

 

 

“Seriously, can you two get any gayer than you usually are?” Sungjun retorts as Junhee and Rayoon looked at him.

“What?” Junhee asks.

“Too much skinships and the way Rayoon looks at you, dude! He’s so gay for you!” It was Seyong's time to voice out his opinion “Are the two of you dating?”

“Not really.” Junhee casually says and he can see that his former groupmates were listening.

“Poor Rayoon, guess that he doesn’t have a chance on his ‘princess’” Euijin joked as he emphasized the word ‘princess’ which was Rayoon's petname for Junhee.

Rayoon pouted as he looked at Junhee, “Hyung! You don’t like me at all?” Oh damn it, the boy's teasing him.

“No.” Junhee responds and Rayoon acts like he was hurt while putting his hands on his chest.

“Hyung, you’re hurting my feelings!” Rayoon said while looking at him with a sad expression.

It's Junhee's time to play along. He pinched Rayoon's cheeks as he smiled at him, “Aw, Rayoon's sad. Don’t worry, Yoonie. I like you. I like you a lot, i like you just like how I like my favorite song.”

“W-What?!” Rayoon was caught off-guard and took a step backwards as he tried to cover his blushing face with his arm and smirked “T-That was a nice one. Y-You shot it right through my heart!”

“Seriously, get a room!” Sungjun teased. In all of the sudden, a staff called them and Seyong's expression turned into a serious one.

“Joke time’s over, folks. Let's hit the stage..” Seyong said as he walked to the stage filled with confidence..

 

 

As the audience saw Junhee, whispers can be heard and most of them were surprised to see the boy on the other dance unit. Some who knew the reason was already telling it to the others, some said that they fought and Junhee left because the others had been too much to him, being blunt and sarcastic. Some said that Junhee was homophobic and the thought that he is surrounded by two gay couples made him leave while some people said that the other four pushed him away and some were saying that he left in order to be with Rayoon since both of them had been together often. There's a lot more but Junhee knew that it wasn't even accurate on the real reason why he left and tried to disband their dance unit.

 

 

He's in the stage once again, still a bit nervous just like the usual but he felt a bit weird, probably because he was with other people. He looked at Rayoon and saw that the younger was looking at him as well and smiled. He was reassuring the older and Junhee understood it. As the music starts, his body had move in sync with every single beat and with the other members. Every step feels so foreign, as if he’s wearing a new shoe and wasn’t used to it yet. But he did his best and as the performance ended,he was smiling. Because everything turned out to be just fine, maybe a bit weird but it’s alright... he’ll get used to it soon.

 

 

 

“Thank you!” All of them exclaimed before going back to the backstage, being praised by Junhee's former groupmates and as their team name was called, they went to the stage and it was Junhee's groupmates' time to cheer them.

“Wait, I’ve noticed that A.C.E seems to be missing out one member. Where is he?” the emcee asked and Junhee saw Yuchan flinched but Donghun held his hand.

“Unfortunately, our leader decided to part ways with the four of us. He just finished performing a while ago, if you’ve noticed. He did great, right? Now, it’s our turn to shine. Make sure to keep your eyes at us, alright?” Byeongkwan said while holding the mic then looked at Junhee, “And to our leader, you’re still our leader and will forever be our leader. We will continue on waiting for you to come back, okay? We dedicate this performance to you.”

 

 

After the emcee praised Byeongkwan for a wonderful speech, Byeongkwan gave the microphone to him and went to his position. Junhee kept his eyes at the four just like what he's doing during their practices, his sharp gaze observing every single one of them.

 

 

“Guess that you still have that leader essence to you.” Rayoon joked and Junhee smiled.

“Probably.” he stated while letting out a sad smile, “I’m anticipating their performance.”

“I know.” Rayoon said as he held Junhee's hand, “Don't worry, you have me here. Just take your time and watch them without hesitating that no one will help you if the damn disease kicks in.”

“Thank you, Yoon.” Junhee said, not leaving his sight on the four boys.

Rayoon smiled as he nods, “I appreciate your gratitude but remember that I dragged you in this mess.”

“But because of you, I’ll be seeing them like this. Too fired up with determination and the spotlight above them seems to make them a bit sparkly?” Junhee said as he chuckled “Oh wait, it’s about to start.”

 

 

It started with a solo intro for Sehyoon and he wanted to run away because he's afraid that his sickness might get the best of him, the way the older moves and flexed his arms or thighs is too beautiful. Along with Sehyoon's expression, he really change whenever he's performing. But instead of his sickness making him feel pain, he's somehow feeling comfortable now. Probably because it's not his love for Sehyoon that is overwhelming right now, it's his proud and amazed leader personality. And the others join him, already in sync and Junhee can sense that they're really fired which made him so proud. The four danced until it ended and just like what Yuchan said, Junhee's jaw dropped in awe.

 

 

“Amazing, isn’t it?” Rayoon asks.

“Yes, it is.” Junhee said and he can't help but sigh “I’m so proud of them. Byeongkwan did well on taking care of them.”

“Are you alright?” Rayoon asks, his eyes scanning the older one with concern

 

“I’m so proud of them, they did well.” Junhee said as he let out a sad smile, “They won’t be needing me anymore, they’re going to be amazing dancers and they’ll be recognized by a lot of people. I’m betting the remaining time of my life for that, Rayoon. I’m certain of it.. they’re going to be famous and people will love the four of them.”

“Junhee..” Rayoon didn’t teven think twice and dragged Junhee away from the backstage until they went on a hallway. He wiped Junhee's tears which surprised the older.

 

“Oh, silly me. Why am I crying? Is it tears of joy?” Junhee asks as he faked a laugh but he choked out a sob “Oh my gosh, I’m so miserable.”

 

Rayoon didn't say anything and just hugged Junhee which started to wail like a kid, crying his heart out on the blonde. And Rayoon just let him be, it's like Junhee had been drowning in a sea of sadness and he'll be his life guard. He'll try to save Junhee from it.


	6. •6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junhee spoiling Rayoon. And Junhee trying to reconnect himself to his friends while Byeongkwan has something in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after posting the update hours ago, i fell asleep and didn't manage to attend my 7am class so i decided to write a 7.1k update in five hours ;; i'm sorry if it's a bit lame T -T i'm not that good on writing and my confidence is starting to fade ; ;
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> also, this chap is filled with rayoon kissing junhee and the last kiss scene is really meh. i'm not great at writing scenes like that since my forte is actually mystery and horror so a a a a a a a a
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> also, might crosspost this fic on my wattpad acct so if u see this around wp, it's my account ^ ^

Rayoon and Siyeon was always alert when it comes to Junhee, the brunette had been showing the symptoms of a dying person and it made both of them scared as heck. Rayoon hasn't been having enough sleep that his friend, Jin had been worried for his health. Siyeon's girlfriend, Yoohyeon along with Hyokyung, Jimin, and Jiu had been noticing how gloomy the gal was.

And as for Junhee, Christmas break isn’t that exciting anymore—especially when there are times that he wakes up as he felt intense pain in his whole body, wishing that can't he just go back on his dream where he's with Sehyoon and they’re both happy. His family was worried on how their youngest child wasn’t eating that much and prefers to doze for a long time. It was making all of them worry so much that they had to call Rayoon to accompany the older on the twenty-fourth of Christmas.

 

“Hello, my dear princess.” Rayoon greeted him while winking and Junhee cringed, just like the usual.

“What brings you here, Rayoon?” he asks, looking at his phone for news and updates on a performance group of their school which was called ONF.

“Well, I’m free on this day and I’m guessing that you’re also free so I just want to ask you out.” Rayoon responds in a casual way.

Junhee raised an eyebrow, “Why me?”

“Because I like you the best.” Rayoon was surprised on what he said and immediately shook his head furiously, “Forget that.”

“Aw, Rayoon likes me so much that I’m his favorite.” Junhee teased.

“Look, Junhee. Seyong is busy with his friends, Gunwoo, Chaejin, Junkyu and Insoo. Euijin hyung is out with his friends too.. probably Lex hyung, Ron hyung and the others. Siyeon and Yoohyeon is on a date so they're already out of the list while Euna and Suji seems to be busy. So, you’re the only one that I can ask..” Rayoon said while he placed his hands at his waist, as if he's scolding Junhee like a mother “And your mother said that you weren’t in the mood to be a hyper little boy that you used to. So, get yourself ready ‘cause we’re going to spend the rest of the day with each other.”

“I don't want to. I feel so tired..” Junhee whines.

“Come on, Junhee. Please?” He can sense the desperation on Rayoon’s voice so he just sighed in defeat as he stood and went to his closet.

“Fine, but please get out of my room. I’m going to get myself ready..” Junhee said and Rayoon nods.

“Take your time, princess. I’ll be waiting in the living room.” Rayoon said as he walks out of his room.

Junhee is thankful of Rayoon but he can’t help but notice how the younger looks at him with those eyes. Sometimes, he looks at him as if he’s a prey that Rayoon would devour but sometimes, he looks at him as if he’s Rayoon’s most prized item. Either way, the way Rayoon looks at him shows that he is possessive when it comes to the older. But Junhee was used to it, he isn’t that insensitive not to notice Rayoon’s interest on him. But Sehyoon’s the only one for Junhee and he knows that Rayoon is aware of that, but the boy’s stubborn and doesn’t even care if it’ll hurt him. As long as it’s thrilling, he’s going to enjoy the whole situation.

 

After taking a bath and picking his best jeans and a red sweater that he likes, he went out and saw that Rayoon is busy on fiddling on his phone. As Rayoon heard Junhee's door opened, he looked at its direction and smirked when he saw Junhee.

“Junhee’s so handsome, I like it when you just let your hair down like that~” Rayoon coo-ed.

“Stop it.” Junhee says as he looked at his mother which was beside Rayoon and was smiling so wide at both of them.

“It’s about time.. now, both of you should get out and enjoy!” Junhee's mom said as she crossed her arms and looked at Rayoon, “Yoon, take care of our son.”

“Of course, Mrs. Park. Even without you reminding me, I'll still do that.” Rayoon responds then looked at the older as he held his hand, “Let’s go, Junhee!”

“The two of you were so cute!” Junhee’s mom said while trying to supress her happiness on seeing Junhee and Rayoon together, “Rayoon looks like your boyfriend, Junhee. The two of you can be a couple! An adorable one that even your dad ships both of you.. silently.”

Rayoon chuckled, “I’ll be honored to be Junhee’s boyfriend.. if that is what he wants.”

“Enough of this already.” Junhee said as he laughed, “Let’s go.”

 

 

It was cold and Junhee shivered as he tried to seek warm by holding Rayoon’s hands tighter, they just walked up to the nearest park. And just like what Rayoon expected, Junhee acts too hyper and kept on dragging him on different stalls. Looking at a bunch of merchandise and delicacies, he even bought some and after taking small bites, he offers it to Rayoon.

“Here.”

“Why?” he asks.

“I.. don’t have an appetite. I like this though, I just don’t have an appetite and it tastes bland to me. Guess that my taste buds seems to be malfunctioning right now.”  Junhee responds as he looked down.

“Thanks,” Rayoon said as he took the food from Junhee and started on eating it.

 

Junhee smiled, showing those those canines of his that resembles a cat.. or probably a vampire. Rayoon chuckled at the thought because Junhee acts like one, he’s like a kitten—loud, energetic and stubborn. He was already imagining Junhee having cat ears and a tail but those weird thoughts were cut off when Junhee gasped and dragged him to an another stall, blabbering something that the Christmas cookies that they sell taste good.

Oh boy, this is going to be a long day.

 

And after Rayoon being dragged by the older, they finally found a bench where they could take a rest for a while. He kept on looking at the older, even now where Junhee seems to be fascinated by the snow flakes and tries to get some with his tiny hands. The way that Junhee smiles right now is too bright and warm that Rayoon feels too elated on seeing him like this.

 

“Junhee hyung?” Rayoon looked at the red-haired boy that called the older.

“Oh, Hyojin. You’re also here.. and with Hangyeom, too.” Jun said as he smiled at the both of them, “What brings you here?”

“We’re going to meet our friends here, they’re currently at the plaza and we’ll be roaming for a while in here.” Hangyeom, the black-haired boy stated. 

“That’s nice. Make sure that you won’t be roaming too much, the temperature’s really low.” Junhee reminded and both of the boys nodded.

“Thank you for reminding us.” Hyojin says as he looked around, “Hyung.. is Donghun hyung with you?”

Rayoon saw how Junhee flinched, “A-Ah. No, I wasn’t with Donghun or any of my groupmates right now.”

“Weird.” Hangyeom said as he shrugs, “The five of you were inseperatable.”

“But I’m certain that they’re also here, Donghun hyung also said that if we’ll bump into each other.. we’ll hang with them too.” Hyojin said as he scratched his face, “I guess that we should be going now. It was nice seeing you, Junhee hyung.”

“He’s hurrying ‘cause his boyfriend, Seungjoon is waiting for him.” Hangyeom teased and Junhee noticed how Hyojin blushed, thinking that the younger is too cute.

Junhee laughs, “Likewise.”

 

As the both walks away, Junhee leaned into the bench and stared at the sky. Rayoon wonders what’s on his mind right now, was it a happy or a sad thought? All he can think of is to protect the brunette and to embrace all of the pain away from him. Maybe it’s because he likes Junhee in a romantic way but maybe it’s also because he wants Junhee to smile more often. Flashing that heartwarming smile of him that can infect the others, a smile that can make the others smile too.

 

“Junhee, you’re so cute.” he whispered as he rested his head on his shoulder while he intertwined their hands, noticing that their hands doesn’t fit that much makes him a bit sad.

“You’re being clingy again, Yoonie.” Junhee chuckled.

“Can I ask you for a favor?” Rayoon was hesitant at first but he wants to feel what is it like to be loved by a superior person like Junhee.

“What is it?” Junhee asks.

“Can you make me feel like I’m Sehyoon? Can you shower me with affection and love just for today? I know it’s a silly request but I really want to know how it feels..” And then, there was that deafening silence again. Rayoon shifted his eyes away as a blush on his cheeks was seen by the older “F-Forget it. Nevermind.”

“Okay, I’ll do it.” Junhee replies and he was surprised on the older’s response.

“Really?”

“Yes.” Junhee said as he nods, “So you want to feel how is it like to be loved by me? You’re so cute, Yoon.”

“Y-Yah, stop it!” Rayoon said as he hit his shoulder lightly.

“So, shall we start on roaming around again? Yoonie?”

Rayoon nods as a small smile was seen on his face,“Sure.”

 

Rayoon was amazed on how affectionate Junhee was, making sure to look at him with those loving eyes and sometimes, brushing his thumb at the back of his palm. The way Junhee acts was too much for Rayoon, it was unexpected and he felt like he was drowning on the older’s affection. He was enjoying it but somehow a bit hurt knowing that it is fake and that he isn’t Sehyoon, the person that Junhee loves so much. But he isn’t that kind of person which let jealousy get the best of him, he’ll enjoy this day. Hoping that Junhee enjoys it too.

 

“Junhee hyung?” Unfortunately, shit happens. It took all of Rayoon's self-control not to scowl as Yuchan called Junhee.

“Oh, you’re also here.” Junhee said, acting like he doesn't care on seeing the younger with his boyfriend in here.

“Yes. We bumped into Hangyeom and Hyojin a while ago and they said that you’re also here,” Donghun said as he gave him a small smile, “It was nice seeing you.”

“Ah. I see.” Junhee said as he looked around, “I-Is Byeongkwan and Sehyoon hyung in here too?”

Yuchan nods, “Yes. We’ll be meeting each other at the plaza!”

“Alright.” Junhee says as he nodded, “We should be going now.”

“It was nice seeing you, Junhee. I hope that you’ll enjoy this day with Yoon,” Donghun said, still smiling at the brunette.

Junhee wanted to go with them but kept his composure and nods again, “I will. Thank you.”

“Always remember that we’re still not giving up!” Yuchan chirps and Junhee chuckled, regretting it immediately when Yuchan’s expression seems to brightened, light a fire on the younger’s hope “I made you chuckle, hyung. Are you missing me that much?”

“Such a cocky brat.” Junhee scoffs and smiled a little. It’s Christmas Eve and Junhee wanted to be happy for a while. “Now, off you go.”

“We'll be waiting, Junhee.” Donghun reminded him as he tapped his shoulder.

As the couple walked away, Rayoon looked at Junhee and he was relieved when Junhee smile seems to be a real one. Junhee glanced at Rayoon and his smiled wider, Rayoon swears that he wants to cling on the older forever by just seeing his smile. Junhee was adorable and Rayoon isn’t that patient at all.

They kept on walking around, hand in hand through the pile of snow. Hearing the carols everywhere until they’ve reached the plaza, it was crowded and Rayoon wonders where are they going to spend some time and saw a coffee shop so he looked at the older which was fascinated at the whole place. 

“Junhee, let’s go at the coffee shop.”

Junhee nods, “I think we should. I feel like I’m slowly freezing to death.”

“Don’t overreact,” Rayoon said as he giggled.

“Okay. Anything for you, Yoonie.” Junhee's words were like chocolate, it’s too sweet for the younger yet he’ll indulge the sweetness and coat himself with it.

 

As they went inside, Junhee sighed in relief. The heater did a great job and Junhee relaxed on his seat as Rayoon ordered their coffees. He looked through the glass window and saw different kinds of people walked around, some were with their family or their friends and some were alone. Some looked happy and some were sad, but the fact that they’re outside on this kind of weather means that they want to have fun or enjoy their day. It’s somehow heartwarming and Junhee smiles, he wondered if his friend are enjoying this day too. He wants to text Seyong and the others but he might disturb them so he’ll just remind himself to text them tomorrow.

“Here you go, Junhee.” Rayoon placed two cups of coffee at their table and the younger sat in the seat in front him.

“Thank you.” he smiled as he took a sip, smiling as he felt the warm liquid yet he can’t taste it.

“Are you enjoying our date, Junhee?” Rayoon asks while smiling in a michievous way.

Junhee rolled his eyes before laughing, “Date,huh? But yes, I’m enjoying it.”

“I’m glad that you do..” Rayoon casually says while still looking at Junhee, “I was surprised that you weren’t cold towards Yuchan and Donghun a while ago.”

“It’s Christmas, Yoon. I don’t want to ruin their holiday and haven’t you seen Yuchan’s smile a while ago? He's so adorable!” Junhee said, a wide grin was seen in his face.

Rayoon can’t help but feel guilty as he saw how Junhee was glad to interact with his former groupmate and pouted, “You must’ve missed talking to them like that?”

“I really do. I miss them so much, it hurts my heart to see them sad or frustrated and I want to help them overcome it. Probably because I've been their leader and the pillar of our group for a long time and also because we’ve been close friends,” Junhee said as he looked at the black coffee, somehow seeing his expression in it.

“I’m sorry for taking away your happiness.” Rayoon blurted out.

“You’re not taking away everything, Yoon. And even if you do, there’s a reason behind it and I’ll do my best to understand you,” Junhee replied which made Rayoon flinched and looked away.

“How can you even be sweet like that even though I took you away from your friends? Decided that you should ruin the group that you protected and cherished? To take you away from the one you love? How can you even be like that?” Rayoon asks while clenching his fists until it turned white but Junhee placed his hands on his.

“Hey, stop that. You’re hurting yourself.” Junhee warned before looking at Rayoon with a concerned look, “Despite you doing those stuff, you did it for me too. You want me to avoid them so that my sickness won't consume my lifespan faster than it should, right? You’re not a bad person at all, Yoonie. If you are, you should've left me dying on that corridor two months ago instead of taking me to the hospital and checking up on me. I’m really thankful, Yoon. You’ve been a good friend to me, thank you for staying at my side even though I’m dying.”

“At first, I wanted to steal you away from them but as the time passes.. I realized that I did that because I care for you and would even take a bullet just for you. You’re too nice for this cruel world..” Rayoon said as he held Junhee’s hands “I want you to just stay as you are and embrace you whenever you’re having a hard time. It might be cheesy but heck, I like you so much that everything about you fascinates me. Even your tears are beautiful, you’re being unfair to humanity. You’re too beautiful..”

“Is that a confession?” Junhee wasn’t expecting Rayoon to confess his feelings towards the brunette, he was just comforting him.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s a confession or not, because the answer towards it is obvious and I won't even risk on ruining this friendship of ours.” Rayoon said in a bitter tone, too bitter that it beats the bitterness of the black coffee that they ordered.

“You’re right.” Junhee agreed as he took an another sip of the coffee.

 

They finished drinking their coffees in silence, enjoying the temporary warmth as they watch the people outside pass by before deciding that they should leave. Junhee still went along on Rayoon's favor and intertwined their fingers as they walked around the plaza but Rayoon noticed where they were and stopped, making the brunette look at him in confusion.

“Yoon?”

“Hey, Junhee. Do you know what we’re under at?” Rayoon asks as he waggled his eyebrows and gave him a teasing look.

Junhee looked up and saw what Rayoon was talking about, “A mistletoe.”

“And do you know what people do underneath it?” Rayoon added as he arched a sly brow.

Junhee knew where this is going and he nods, maybe he should spoil the younger a bit “I know. But can you please say it in a clear way?”

“Okay, Junhee.” Rayoon stood in front of Junhee and smiled, “Park Junhee, can I, Kim Yoon kiss you under the mistletoe?”

“You really took advantage of me going along with your favor,” Junhee mumbled and Rayoon laughs “But yes, you may kiss me.”

“Still going to kiss you even if you say ‘no’ though.” Rayoon muttered as he caressed Junhee’s face before stopping on his cheeks.

 

Rayoon leaned in front of the brunette as his lips met Junhee’s, Rayoon still can’t get over how soft Junhee’s lips were and the bliss he’s feeling whenever Junhee’s close to him. But all of this doesn’t mean anything to the older, he’s just playing along to fullfill Rayoon’s favor and in the end of the day, Junhee will still be yearning for Kim Sehyoon. The kiss lasts for a few seconds before Junhee pulled off, much to Rayoon’s dismay. Junhee gave the blonde a reassuring smile as Rayoon smiled back.

Oh my gosh, Rayoon is so smitten.

“Your lips are so intoxicating, Junhee. Better not tease me with that or I won't be able to control myself anymore.” he said while letting out a giggle.

Junhee sighed, “What can I expect from you, Yoon?”

“Someone that will try to steal you and your heart even know I know the results already..” Rayoon stated, eyes locking on Junhee's.

“How romantic.” Both of them gasped when they heard Byeongkwan’s voice and looked at the boy.

“Y-You’re here too.” Rayoon murmured as he laughed, trying to mask the embarassment that he’s feeling.

“Yes, and Donghun hyung that you were strolling around the plaza. That was quite romantic of you, Rayoon. Better not break our ruler's heart or else your face will meet four fists filled with rage.” Byeongkwan warned and Rayoon just laughed.

“What do you want?” Junhee asks, not comfortable on seeing Byeongkwan and Sehyoon too soon.

“I just want to talk to Rayoon for a while, will just discuss some private matters.” Byeongkwan said as he looked at Rayoon, “Can I talk to you for a while?”

Rayoon seems to look at Junhee with concern but when the older nods as an another reassuring smile that says 'I'll be fine here. Go on' was seen in his face, he nods and smiled at Byeongkwan  “Sure.”

“Let’s go for a while.” Byeongkwan paused and looked at Sehyoon which was fidgeting his hands, “Hey, Sehyoonie. Just stay with Junhee hyung for a while, okay? We'll be back in a jifty.”

 

Sehyoon just nods and sat at the nearest bench as he gestured Junhee to sit beside him, Junhee sighs as he tried to remind himself to be tough since Sehyoon is here. He went beside Sehyoon and sat, looking at the people passing by once again. Trying to stop his sickness on ruining this moment that he was enjoying silently.

 

“I miss you.” Junhee looked at Sehyoon with widened eyes as the older one murmured those three words.

“Okay.” he replies.

“I’m still not going to give up, Junhee.” Junhee can sense Sehyoon's desperation and determination based on his voice “You’re not the only one that can be stubborn.”

“Unfortunately, all of us were stubborn brats.” Junhee said as he glanced at the black-haired boy, noticing that he cut his long hair “Nice hairstyle.”

“Byeongkwan dragged me to salon last week, I can’t say no to him.” Junhee saw how Sehyoon’s lips curved into a smile and how the older’s eyes sparkled at the mention of his boyfriend's name. Ouch.

He just nodded, giving Sehyoon the cold treatment to make him shut up but it seems that the older one is trying to make him talk “Junhee, can you listen to me talking about the stuff that's in my mind again?”

“No.” Junhee shook his head and Sehyoon's smile faded which made him mentally curse himself for ruining the older's mood.

“I’ll still talk. Lately, Byeongkwan had been listening to my problems and I never thought that I can also seek solice from him. He had been there for me whenever I’m experiencing a bunch of panic attacks and kept on holding me tight. It feels so warm and I want to cover myself with his affection until I fall asleep, he makes me feel so alive and he made me feel like I can continue on living despite the things that happened these past few months.” Junhee listened to all of it with a heavy heart, trying not to express anything since he’s jealous, hurt and happy for the older boy “Is Rayoon like that to you?”

“W-What?” Junhee was caught off-guard by Sehyoon’s question. Seriously, what's with these guys suprising him?

“Is he your boyfriend? The two of you were too close.. and you’ve just kissed a while ago.” Sehyoon said as he tilted his head and gave Junhee a confused look.

Junhee covered his face trying to hide his blushing state from the embarassment and on trying not to squeal because Sehyoon is so cute “Please don’t remind me about it anymore.”

“Junhee’s so adorable..” Sehyoon muttered as he laughed. Junhee kept on wishing on all of the deities that he knew right now, he's acting like a high school girl in front of her crush.

“S-Shut it, Sehyoon!” Junhee exclaims but Sehyoon just laughed louder and it surprised him, sighing in defeat as he leaned on the bench “Seems like you’re a bit lively than before, Byeongkwan did a great job.”

 

Sehyoon was speechless, he was too deep in his thoughts about what’s happening right now. But as he looked at Junhee, he noticed that the older seems to be paler and had been losing weight. His cheekbones were more evident than before, and he’s afraid to touch the older because it seems like he was like a fragile glass. Sehyoon was also wondering why Junhee seems to be lifeless deep inside of him, he acts hyper and happy as a facade but Sehyoon can sense the sadness in him.

Yet, Sehyoon kept silent  He respects Junhee's decisions and he wants him to come back on his own accord, not by a decision that he was forced to make. He believes that Junhee still cares for them, he noticed how the younger kept on stealing glances on them and sometimes, smile when they were playing around or did something that Junhee can be proud of. He knows that Junhee cares for them and somehow yearns for their friendship to be back once again.

 

 

“We’re back!” Byeongkwan chirps and Sehyoon went beside Byeongkwan, much to Junhee’s dismay that was already yearning on Sehyoon being on his side.

“Junhee, let’s go.” Junhee noticed that Rayoon's voice was somehow cold but shrugged the thought away.

“Sure.” he smiled at him and intertwined their fingers again as the two started to walk away, not even saying farewell on the other couple.

“Rayoon! Remember every single thing that I’ve said, okay?!” Junhee heard Byeongkwan shouted and he looked at the younger, but it seems like Rayoon was thinking about something so he decided not to talk but to hum a song that he likes as they walked.

 

 

But it seems that every step that the brunette takes consumes his energy and he clings to Rayoon’s shoulder, looking at the younger with tired eyes yet he kept on smiling.

 

“I’m tired..” Junhee muttered.

“I’ll carry you, princess.” He heard Rayoon said as the younger gave him a piggyback ride “Good thing that your house’s a bit near on this plaza ”

 

Junhee was too tired to talk, he let himself get consumed by the darkness as Rayoon carried him. When Rayoon noticed that Junhee was already unconcious, he smiled a bit as he kept on walking until he arrived at the Park’s residence. Junhee’s mother immediately running towards him and asking if Junhee's alright. He responded about Junhee being tired and he’s going to watch over him, which the older woman agreed.

 

As Rayoon tucked Junhee into his bed, he stared at the brunette's unconcious state and he can't help but let out a chuckle. It's just like the first time he stole a kiss from Junhee, his heart was beating fast and his mind kept on reminding him that he shouldn't at on his own accord but he can't resist the older's lips and how soft they look. But in the end, he let himself attack his lips to the prince-like boy. And just like what he had read on that certain fairy tale, a true love's kiss awakening a princess. 

Rayoon's love for him was true that it made him manipulate the older but Junhee doesn't even love him. Yet, Rayoon didn't care on the consequences he's about to face and leaned on the older. He tried to sound mischievous to hide his true intentions and became a bit cocky because of it, the feeling of being like a puppeteer that controls his marionette. It was really thrilling and it made him more intoxicated with the older’s existence.

 

Because of his love for the brunette, he became a thief. A thief that doesn’t just steal kisses.. a thief stole Junhee away from his friends, stole Junhee's dreams and threw it away, and stole Junhee’s happiness in order to be happy. And now, he has to pay his price. Because love itself is a heavy contract and everyone has to pay the penalty and penalties like this is really the worst.

 

 

“Sleep tight, Junhee.” he murmured as he leaned once again to kiss the unconcious boy’s lips, smiling as he pulled away.

 

This one is also something that he steals from Junhee and even though he kept on stealing it, there's one thing that he won't be able to steal. The one that he's wishing to attain from all of what he had been doing.. stealing the love that Junhee is willing to give at Sehyoon.

 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Junhee just woke up but he feels so tired, he can’t move body well and everything seems to be heavy. His sight was a little blurry and he was gasping for air, it’s an unfortunate time for him to feel pain from his sickness and with all of his might, he tried to find his medication but with his blurred sight and weak body.. he fell on the ground with a thud as he let out a cry of pain.

 

He heard a door had opened and a gasp from someone as footsteps was the only thing that he can hear until he felt a familiar thing was stuffed in his mouth and he can feel that somehow was helping him drink water in order for Junhee to swallow the pill. Junhee still tried to gasp for air until he was able to breathe and his sight was getting a bit clear until he noticed that he was in his room and Rayoon was beside him. He noticed that the younger wasn’t wearing the same clothes that he’s wearing during Christmas Eve.

 

“Y-Yoon..” Junhee’s voice was raspy.

“Hush, princess. Just take your time.” As he heard Rayoon’s soothing voice, he sighed and nods.

When Junhee was feeling a bit better after a few minutes, he looked at Rayoon “W-What happened?”

“You were so tired that you slept when I gave you a piggyback ride  wasn’t expecting that you’ll be unconcious for two days. I’ve been here since then, only ran to my house to get some clothes then went back here as soon as possible.” Rayoon said as he ruffled Junhee’s hair, “You’ve rested well, hmm?”

“I guess.” Junhee muttered while giving Rayoon an apologetic smile, “Sorry for making you waste your time for me.”

Rayoon laughed as he shook his head, “I didn’t even waste my time. I had a great time staring at your pretty face.”

“Whatever.” Junhee said as he rolled his eyes, “But I was really hoping to pay you back.”

“Well.. there’s on thing that you can do for me,” Rayoon said as he touch his lips using his fingertips, “Kiss me. Kiss me as if I’m Kim Sehyoon and indulge the entire moment.”

 

 

At first, Junhee was hesitant but he knew how playful Rayoon was. Maybe spoiling the younger had been his new habit, letting him be clingy at him at times. But as he noticed how he was leaning on the bedpost while Rayoon was hovering him, he can’t help but feel a little intimidated as Rayoon looked at him with his stare as if he’s trying to stop himself on pouncing the brunette and getting what he wants. He saw how Rayoon’s eyes wander from his head up to his feet as if he’s inspecting him and licking his lips in anticipation. And just like the younger, he inspected his face and noticed how good-looking the blonde was. His skin that had been kissed by winter and his piercing eyes that seems to be pulling him over the younger boy. Junhee knew that he should stop and don’t drag Rayoon into him more than he is, but Junhee’s stubborn.

 

It’s about time. Junhee grab the younger’s neck and kissed him. It was gentle at first but Rayoon deepened the kiss, it was rough yet there’s a hint of gentleness in it. As if the boy’s life depended on it, Junhee closed his eyes as he try to imagine that it was Sehyoon kissing him roughly and he can’t help but feel the urge of kissing Rayoon back. And just like that, he gave in and kissed the blonde boy back and felt like every square inch of his body was melting in it. Everything feels so surreal and fascinating that he kept on responding to Rayoon’s kisses as he imagine Sehyoon was the one kissing him.

And so, he gripped on Rayoon’s hair and pulled him closer making the younger groan, low on his throat on what the brunette had done. Rayoon kissed Junhee like crazy, like his life depended on this. He had been waiting for this, to have a taste of Park Junhee.. to see the little prince underneath him being a mess and wanting him more that he doesn't even care if Junhee is feeling the same, he just wanted to witness this and burn it at the back of his mind, leaving a permanent scar that he’ll remember forever.

 

He slip his tongue on the older’s mouth in a demanding yet gentle way and Junhee just did the same, both of their tongues seems to find its own rhythm and fell in love with each other as they kept on making out. Rayoon wrapping his arms at the older one’s body and carrying him until they both fell on the bed, never leaving each other’s lips. He pressed himself closer to Junhee and he can hear the older whimpers and the grip on his blonde locks went tighter, much to his delight that Junhee isn’t satisfied on how close their bodies were.

Rayoon had never want anyone like this, he never expected that the one that he’s manipulating had already tamed him. Despite Junhee closing his eyes and probably thinking about Sehyoon, he kept on indulging the moment. His mind throb and his heart feels like it’s about to explode, he feels the older as his hands starting to roam on his body and taste every corner of his mouth. This feeling was extraordinary and all he can think of was to pull Junhee closer, even closer than this. He feels so breathless but addicted at the same time and when Junhee let out a moan, he was about to lose the sanity he’s saving up on resisting to wreck this man below him.

 

But everything has come to an end when Junhee pulled out of their make-out session, a drip of saliva on the corner of his lips, cheeks tinted with a pink hue and was panting as he gasp for air. Rayoon was the same but he kept a smile on his face despite being disappointed on Junhee stopping when the real fun is about to begin.

 

 

“Well, that was amazing.” he said and Junhee looked away.

“Shut up.” Junhee whispered and Rayoon gritted his teeth while trying to control himself on pouncing the brunette that was sprawled on his own bed.

“You’re great at kissing, princess.” he teased as he smirked when Junhee looked away from him.

“Damn you, Rayoon..” he muttered and Rayoon let out a strained laugh.

“Actually, I have one more favor.. I know that you’re gonna go with the flow anyway, you love spoiling your blonde dongsaeng~” Rayoon said as he intertwined both of their hands, “Today’s the 27th of December, Seyong invited us to celebrate the last day of the year on a roadtrip so you better pack a bunch of medication and clothes that is enough for a day or two. Seyong will be anticipating on us joining them, it’s been a while since we hang out and enjoyed a day as a group. Our call time will be on 6 P.M. at the 30th or December. Then let's enjoy December 31 with a blast!”

 

 

And with that, Rayoon walked out of the room confidently and went out of the Park residence but as he stepped outside the house. He leaned at the door and hold his chest, smiling sadly as he shook his head.

 

 

“Ah, Junhee. I’ll be having a hard time on getting over you..” he murmured before starting to walk away, “Might as well let Byeongkwan do the work..”

 

 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

 

Junhee was somehow overwhelm when he saw Euijin, Euna, Suji, Yoohyeon, Sungjun, and Siyeon waiting for both of them while Seyong was tapping his foot and he looked a bit irritated as he stare at his watch.

 

 

“Sorry if we’re late!” Rayoon exclaims, dragging Junhee at his side.

“It’s about fucking time.” Seyong said while gritting his teeth.

“Seyong was waiting and kept on walking around.” Yoohyeon stated as she chuckled, “He was really expecting the two of you to come a bit earlier.”

“Sorry.” Junhee sheepishly said as he smiled.

“You know what? Let’s start on walking now..”  Euna said as she looked at Junhee, “And since you’re late, lead the way!”

“What? I don’t even know where are we going!” Junhee retorts.

“Just walk forward until we’re at the bridge, the car will be waiting for us there.” Euijin said and Sungjun nodded, both of them seems to be grinning about something but Junhee shrugged the thought away.

“Okay.” Junhee said in defeat and did what he was told to.

 

 

All of them started walking towards the bridge where a car can be seen, that van is somehow familiar and he felt that something is wrong as his distance to his friends was a bit far. And what’s weird is that Rayoon isn’t at his side, Rayoon clings to him 24/7 and seeing him not beside him made him a bit suspicious.

 

 

“We’re almost there!” Suji exclaims as she clasped her hands in anticipation.

“Yeah, we ar—” Junhee’s sentence was cut off when he felt two pair of arms grabbed his shoulders and he felt himself being dragged by these people.

 

 

When he looked at both side, he noticed that the other guy was wearing a hood while the other one’s face was covered with a box. Wait, why is wearing a box?!

 

 

As he was thrown on the car, he swear that he saw a glimpse of his ‘friends’ giving an apologetic smile at him. The first thing that he saw on the other side of the backseat was no other than Yuchan giving him the same apologetic smile just like what Seyong and the others did. Oh, great. Such betrayal from the friends he trusted.

 

“Hello, hyung. Sorry for getting you like this but we have no other options.” Yuchan said as the guy with the hood removed his hood revealing that it was Donghun. That figures, Donghun’s grip on him was really tight.

 

 

The other one removed the box in his head and Sehyoon, the ‘box’ man shook his head and ruffled his own hair while purring like a cat. Oh, it was Sehyoon all along. Damn it. Sehyoon folded the box as he hid beside the driver’s seat where he's currently at, Byeongkwan beside him grinning as if it was all his plan and it worked out on how he wants it.

 

 

“Hi there, Junhee hyung.” Byeongkwan greeted him as a smirk was seen on his face

“What is this?!” he exclaims as he try to open the car but Donghun and Yuchan squeezed him into the middle seat.

“Well..” Donghun took his phone out and played a video that was recently sent in his line account.

 

‘Hello there, Jun. Well, we’re kind of concern about you and we know that you’re sad because of your friendship getting a bit messed up so Byeongkwan planned to steal you for a day and get the thing that the five of you needs.. closure. Yes! Closure, that is. You kept on avoiding them, you brat. So, better enjoy your day with them and don’t run away. You’re a man so face your problems like one, Park Junhee!’ It was Seyong that was having a smug expression in his face and waved.

‘Junhee, we’re really sorry for this but this is for the best!’ He heard Euna said as she pouted.

‘We’re hoping that you aren’t mad at us, Junhee. Sorry! We really are!’ Yoohyeon kept on apologizing.

‘Hey there, princess. Don’t enjoy it too much, hope that you’ll be able to be happy for a short span of time. I’ll be waiting for your return, okay? Don’t let an another man do what I did to you, princess. See you at January 1!’ Rayoon said as he grinned.

 

 

And a bunch of apology from the others until the video ended, Junhee was so dumbfounded. He can't believe that this is already happening and he wants to jump out of the car as soon as possible if it weren’t for DongChan blocking the only possible escape routes.

 

 

“You know that this is kidnapping, right?!” he tried to raise his voice but the four just nodded as if they’re not doing anything wrong at all.

“So?” Donghun said while raising an eyebrow.

“I’m going to call the police, the four of you are not getting away with th—” As he tried to get his bag, he realized that it wasn’t on his back anymore and he saw Byeongkwan hugging it as if his life depended on it and smirking at him “You smug assholes.”

“Easy there, Junhee. We weren’t even going to hurt you, we’re just going to spend a whole day together and that’s it.” Donghun explained in a calm way while smiling a bit.

“I don’t want to!” Junhee protests as he glared at them.

“Tough luck, leader. You’re not in the place to say no because Sehyoonie is already driving.” Byeongkwan said as his expression soften, “We just want to spend time with you again, hyung.”

“You know that the moment when I step out of this damn car, I’m going to run away with all my might.” he tried on threatening them but they just smiled at him, as if they're expecting him to threaten them.

“Then we’ll chase you and drag your stubborn ass back.” Donghun replies.

“Let me out of here!” he screamed as he tried to open the car but Yuchan and Donghun held his wrists.

“Hyung, I know that you’re uncomfortable on what’s happening but it’s only one day. Let us spend time with you, and if you want.. we can set up some rules to avoid making you feel awkward.” Byeongkwan said as he smiled, “But avoiding you or not annoying the hell out of you isn't available, we're going to stick together until the end of the day like a fence!”

“Rules, hmm?” Junhee thought as he looked at the four boys “Alright.”

“So, what are the rules?” Yuchan asked as he tilt his head and smiled.

“First rule, I don’t want to see anyone crying. If I see someone crying, I’ll go home as soon as possible.” The four were surprised with the only rule that Junhee wanted.

“One rule, huh? Then our only rule is that you shouldn’t even pretend or show us that facade of yours. We want to spend the day with the real you.” Sehyoon said as he kept on driving, eyes were fixed on the road.

“So, that’s it? Then let’s rest as Sehyoon drives. It’ll take us more than three hours to arrive at Yuchan’s parents’ resthouse.” Byeongkwan said as he clapped, “Let’s enjoy the while day together.. just like what we used to do months ago.”

 

 

 

Everyone seems to be happy and Junhee can't help but agree on them, he wants to be with them and maybe this time, he'll be able to enjoy without even hesitating on approaching them since Rayoon wasn't around. He looked at the window and stares at it  
as they pass through the city lights and the busy streets until all he can see were trees and tall grass.

 

 

Tomorrow's going to be long day, he thought as he let himself sleep for a while. Feeling comfortable for the first time after he left their dance unit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> umm... i'm lowkey expecting some comments since i'm looking on how the ppl react on this story ;; so.. if u have some spare time after reading the chapters.. um.. leave a comment on how was this chap??
> 
> nvm i'm sorry ;


	7. •7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, folks! This one took me four days to write because of the aftershock on MIXNINE's finale ;; Hyunjong is actually my top pick next to my precious son, Mingming a.k.a the opening/intro and ending fairies and none of them got in :<
> 
> And the fact that JUNG HAYOON isn't on the girls' top 9 ; A; Plus I was really rooting for the girls to debut but--- :( Still happy for the boys! I'm so proud of them especially on Hangyeom, Donghun, Minseok and Byeongkwan! ♥
> 
>  
> 
> One more thing, I think that is a bit messy so I'm really sorry ;; I'm so thankful on the comments that this storyhad received so I'm really anticipating for more of it~

Junhee woke up as he heard some hushed voices and as he opened his eyes, he saw the peach-colored ceiling. Donghun seems to notice that Junhee was already awake and went to his side.

“Good morning, Junhee.” Donghun says as he ruffled the younger’s hair “It’s already 5 A.M and you’ve been asleep for more than eight hours.”

“Okay.” he muttered as he looked around for his bag, “Can I have my bag for a while? I just want to get something from it.”

“Sure, it’s on the living room. Just.. don’t think of running away, okay? And Sehyoon hid your phone.” Junhee felt like he was splashed by a bucket filled with cold water. Sehyoon took Junhee’s phone and he must’ve seen his medicine.

Junhee nods, trying to endure the pain that he feels as he went to the living room. As he saw his bag, he ran and took a pill while going to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He swallowed the pill and drank water quickly as he let the pain fade a bit until he’s feeling alright again.

“Oh, you’re awake. Good morning, hyung.” Byeongkwan greeted him as the younger opened the fridge before looking at him, “I’m going to cook breakfast later, do you want me to cook something for you?”

Junhee shook his head, “No, thank you for asking.”

“Hey, Junhee hyung. I want to show you something, would you mind coming with me for a while?” Junhee wondered what is Byeongkwan going to show him that the younger’s smile was really wide, he nods and Byeongkwan's eyes sparkled as he grabbed Junhee's hand “Come on, hyung!”

As they entered a room, Junhee can’t help but be surprised on what’s in this room. It’s filled with plants and some kind of short trees which was planted on a huge flower pot, and he noticed that most of the plants here were cacti.  Junhee can spot a cactus on every single corner of this room.

“Too many cacti.” he said 

Byeongkwan laughed, “I know right. Yuchan kept on buying them, he really likes them.”

“Oh yeah.” Junhee remembered how Yuchan kept on boasting about his collection of cacti and even joked about making a song about a cactus.

“It’s pretty aesthetic here, hyung.” Byeongkwan said as he sat on the carpet while looking at the glass window.

The room was huge and on the four corners of it were filled with plants and there’s a mini-bookshelf and a large gray carpet. The glass windows were huge and Junhee can see that there’s a pile of snow on the ground outside. Gray clouds covering the skies as it continues to snow. The room was pretty comfortable and Junhee can’t believe that Yuchan was so rich. He only mentioned about being in a wealthy family but Junhee wasn’t expecting that their youngest friend was THIS rich.

“The view’s somehow comforting, right?” Byeongkwan asked as he glanced at the brunette.

Junhee nods, “You’re right.”

“Too bad that it’s winter, Yuchan said that the meadow outside their resthouse was so beautiful. What a pity..” Byeongkwan pouted as he looked down before looking at Junhee then smiled at him, “But guess that after you, Donghun and Sehyoonie graduates.. we'll come back here.”

“Did I even agreed on that?” Junhee scoffs while raising an eyebrow.

Byeongkwan’s lips had formed a smirk as he gave Junhee a menacingly look “Whether you like it or not, you’re still going to join our trip. I still have a lot of plans hidden on my sleeves.”

“Now, you’re getting scary. Stop it.” Junhee said in a stern voice and Byeongkwan laughs.

“Why? Rayoon acts a bit scary to you and it’s okay to you? So unfair,hyung~” Byeongkwan said as he hold Junhee’s wrist, “Sit beside me,hyung! You’ve been standing for too long.”

Junhee sat beside the younger because Byeongkwan is about to throw a tantrum and he knows what the younger can do when he's having one, Byeongkwan's eyes seems to crinkle when Junhee sat beside him “Here. Are you satisfied?”

“It’s been a while since I sat beside Junhee hyung~ I missed this~” Byeongkwan purred as he wrapped his arms around Junhee’s, hugging him tight.

“Seriously, don’t cling with me! Cling with your boyfriend!” Junhee said as he was trying to restrain himself fron Byeongkwan’s arms.

Byeongkwan just snuggled on the older, “No! Let me hug you too! Rayoon is having all of you to himself ever since you’ve avoided us so we’re gonna enjoy this whole day by sticking ourselves to you!”

“Wow, thanks for the warning.” Junhee said in a sarcastic way as he stop moving, letting Byeongkwan hug him.

He just let himself relax on the younger’s embrace, he’s used to Byeongkwan's clingyness. The younger had been too affectionate on everyone and he isn’t just a person that express his feelings through words, he’s also one that expressed them through action. He isn’t afraid of the consequences that he might face even if it’s a bad one because the important thing for him is that he did it because he wants to.

“Hyung, I really don’t want to ask questions about the reason you left. I’m really afraid of hearing you and your lies, I’m really afraid that my feelings would get hurt along with yours. You’re not even fond of lying and whenever you lie, it’s hard to know if you’re saying the truth or not.. because Junhee hyung’s great at masking his true emotions.” Byeongkwan suddenly blurted out and made Junhee looked at him “Sehyoonie said what you’ve told him.. that you’re tired of us and all our shenenigans, did you really mean it? You’ve hurt him so much that he almost made an another wall that is tougher than the one you invaded, you’ve almost made him distant himself to everyone and made him scared on trusting an another person because he’s afraid to get hurt. You know that, right?”

“I know.” Junhee avoided Byeongkwan's gaze on him and stared at the cacti on the other side of the room.

“Then why did you do that? Sehyoon cried because of that, you’ve broke him even more even though he’s at the state of re-affirming himself..” Byeongkwan said in worried tone, “But I’m not angry at you, just frustrated and sad. We’ve been patient for two months but we need to talk about this or else, it’ll leave a painful memory on our lives. We’ve been through a lot not as a dance unit, but also as a group of friends.”

“I don’t know. The words slipped out of my mouth, he was too pushy that time.” Junhee said while sighing, “I've already avoided but all of you still kept on pulling me back, I would be glad if you’ll respect my decision but all of you kept on convincing me a lot. It’s making my head hurt everyday and I can't even have a great time because the guilt is too much.”

“See?! You’re guilty, I’m sure that you don’t want to leave us!” Byeongkwan gasped as he pulled out of the hug and grinned like a kid “You've let those words slip out of your mouth too!”

“Look, Byeongkwan. I’ve already moved on about our dance unit, I’m okay on Seyong’s unit. I want to try out a lot of stuff that I’ve never did with any of you, I also want to have new friends and new experiences.” Junhee explained as he run his hand to his hair.

“I undestand that, hyung. But you have to remember that before you had them, we’ve been there for you and don’t avoid us. It’s not like we’re not letting you have other friends.” Byeongkwan said as he tapped Junhee's arm, “And guess what,hyung? I don’t believe your response at all.”

“Then what’s the point of asking me if you’re not going to believe me in the end?” Junhee asks.

Byeongkwan grins, “Your expression, you’re great at hiding your true feelings but your eyes showed your sadness. I know how your eyes sparkles whenever you’re happy and how sharp your gaze is when you’re being serious. And how glassy your eyes were whenever you’re sad or acting like you’re okay.”

“Stop saying that as if you know me at all.” Junhee said in a cold tone, making Byeongkwan flinch and immediately regretting it when Byeongkwan’s grin faded.

“I may not know you for a long time but I can sense when you’re not okay,hyung. Just.. please don’t avoid us anymore. I know that it hurts you a lot too and you’re missing us just like how we missed you.” Byeongkwan said as he kept a serious face before standing up, “I guess that our conversation ends here, I’m not going to hear any lies from you. You can go at the living room, Donghun and Yuchan will be delighted seeing you there. Just don’t make them sad, this day is supposed to be for us being happy.”

Junhee can sense how Byeongkwan was determined for them to be happy at that day and he somehow reminds of Junhee, how he tried to kept the group happy and strong. Junhee looked down and let out a sad smile, he was proud of Byeongkwan. He can really lead the other and he’s certain that when he’s gone, Byeongkwan can still lead the four of them to be together. 

“You want me to be real, right? But what if I’m so sad and miserable that I could die?” Junhee asked as he looked at Byeongkwan, smiling but his eyes seems to be glassy because of the tears that were threatening to fall.

Byeongkwan was surprised, he wasn’t expecting Junhee to give up as soon as possible. But he immediately sat and wiped the tears on the corner of Junhee's eyes while looking at their former leader with a concerned look, “Hyung, no one’s going to cry today. I promised everyone that we’re going to be happy today, we’re going to enjoy this day and we’ll be going home with a smile on our faces.”

“You’ve did a great job on leading them until now, Byeongkwan. I’m so proud of you, you’ve been strong for everyone.” Junhee said as his smile went wider and pats the younger’s blonde hair, “I’m really proud of you, Byeongkwan.”

“You know what,hyung? If we’ll continue this conversation, I might end up crying and I don’t want that to happen. You made a rule and we’re going to follow that no matter what happens.‘ Byeongkwan chuckled as he stood once again and offered his hand, “Come on, hyung. I’ll be cooking our breakfast now, just stay with Donghun and Yuchan.”

“Okay.” Junhee held the younger’s hand and Byeongkwan helped him stand, he was really thankful of Byeongkwan and words aren’t enough to express how thankful he is “Thank you, Byeongkwan.”

“Don’t sweat it,hyung. I’m your cute dongsaeng that can be reliable at times,right?” Byeongkwan said as he smiled at Junhee.

Junhee scoffed, “No. That’s Yuchan. You’re the rascal dongsaeng of mine.”

“Hey, I'm not a rascal!” Byeongkwan pouted for a while but he grinned as he suddenly realized something. “But I’m happy to hear that!”

“Now, you’re being weird.” Junhee says as he looked at the younger.

“Well, you said that I’m your dongsaeng! I should be happy! You still consider me as your dongsaeng!” Byeongkwan cheerfully said as he hopped again and again around Junhee.

Junhee can’t control himself and laughed at the younger’s silly antics as he ruffled Byeongkwan’s hair, “We should be going now, you silly brat.”

“Okay.” 

Junhee can’t help but feel as if his heart was heating up, he feels so happy and alive that he almost forgot that he’s suffering on a sickness that could attack anytime if he won’t control his emotions. Junhee looks forward on what’s about to happen, he wants them to reconnect once again. 

Donghun was sitting on the carpet while Yuchan was on the couch engrossed on what they’re doing but as Byeongkwan entered the living room, Donghun can’t prevent himself on judging Byeongkwan, the boy was acting weird because he was skipping all the way to the kitchen. Yuchan seems to be concerned with Byeongkwan and they shared a look of concern, nodding as if they understood what the other was thinking of. But their attention seems to flew on Junhee as the brunette entered the living room, Yuchan was scared because he thought that Junhee will be cold towards them while Donghun braced himself on what’s about to happen.

“What’s with that expression?” Junhee asked as he raised an eyebrow.

“Well, you’re not going to talk to us in a nice way. It’s better to prepare for it.” Donghun said and Yuchan nodded, agreeing on the older.

“Seriously, the two of you were still a bunch of dorks.” Junhee sighed as he sat at beside Yuchan.

Yuchan's eyes widened and looked at Junhee, “Y-You’re sitting beside me, Junhee hyung?”

“Ah, am I not supposed to? Is it for Donghun? Should I go to the other couch?” Junhee asks.

Yuchan was flustered and shook his head furiously, “N-No! S..Stay here,hyung! S-Seriously! Y-You don’t need to.. need to change seats!!”

“Hey, are you alright? You’re acting weird just like Byeongkwan.” Junhee stated as he furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Donghun, “Hey, what’s with your boyfriend?”

Yuchan immediately looked at Donghun and hugged the other so tight while saying a bunch of sentences but Junhee only understood ‘Oh my gosh!’, ‘He talked to me! Junhee hyung is talking at me!’ ‘Am I dreaming?’ while Donghun kept on nodding, trying to calm the younger while chuckling. Junhee can’t help but shook his head while smiling, the two haven’t changed at all.

“Dorks.” Junhee said as he chuckled.

“Junhee hyung!” In all of the sudden, Yuchan hugged him really tight that it made him worried about breathing normally.

“Hold it right there, kiddo.Don't hug me too tight, it's kind of suffocating!” Junhee complains but Yuchan isn’t even moving.

“No! I’ll hug you tight! So tight that you’ll never be able to escape from me! So tight that you won’t be able to leave us again!” Yuchan chirps and Junhee felt a pang on his chest, their youngest friend had missed him so much and he was about to retort but he saw Donghun’s shaking his head so he kept his lips pursed.

“Yuchan, let him live.” Donghun joked.

“I'm so happy because he talked to us again, I t-thought that he won’t be like this again!” Yuchan said and Donghun can already see the tears forming at the younger’s eyes.

“Yuchan! No crying, remember? You’re about to break the rule!” Donghun reminded him and Yuchan pulled out of the hug and wiped his tears.

Yuchan clenched his fists and did an ‘aja’ pose while nodding as he looked too determined “Yes! I won’t cry! I’ll be a strong boy!”

“That's more like it.” Donghun said as he gave a peck at Yuchan's cheeks, making the younger one blushed at his action.

Junhee cringed at the sight, looking at both of them in disbelief “Seriously, are you really going to go lovey-dovey in front of me? In front of a single man?”

“You’re not fooling anyone, Junhee. You’re in a relationship with Rayoon.” Donghun said as he rolled his eyes on a different direction.

“Sorry to tell you but Rayoon and I were just close friends.” Junhee said as he rested his head on his palm, leaning on the couch and enjoying how fluffy it is.

“Then are you two just flirting with each other or..” Yuchan seems to be flustered on what he thought as he averted his eyes on Junhee “.. f-friends with benefits?”

Junhee gasped, “Hey! That’s not true! Wait, why do you even know such a sinful word like that? Who told you about that?! Who tainted my baby?!”

“He’s my baby. Back off.” Donghun immediately wrapped his arms on the younger and frowned before sighing “And blame internet for that. Yuchan isn’t that innocent.”

“I can’t believe this. My pure baby.” Junhee looked so dumbfounded before making a blank face and stood up, “Fuck this shit, I'm out.”

The two seems to be surprised and held both of Junhee's arm as they screamed ‘Don’t!’ at the same time that Junhee laughed in all of the sudden while looking at both of them, he looked so happy that the two didn't even judged their former leader and only thought that they’ve did a good job even without planning for a plan to make him laugh.

“I can't believe the two of you!” Junhee exclaims as he smiled, showing the cat-like canines at them “Don’t worry, I won’t leave for now.”

“Then sit.” Both of them said in unison and after realizing it, they blushed.

Junhee snorts, “Fine.”

When Junhee sat, both of them let go of his arms. Donghun was smiling as he looked at Junhee, it had been a sign of relief and Junhee feels bad for making him stress throughout the times that he wasn’t there for all of them “I’m glad that you’re interacting at us after the two months that you’ve been an ass.”

Junhee rolled his eyes, “Let’s not talk about that for now, tell me what I’ve missed out.”

“Yuchan had been stressed out these days. He was really worried for a friend of his.” Donghun said as he pointed at Yuchan that wasn't smiling anymore.

“Spill the tea already.” Junhee said as he clasped his hands.

“M-My friend, Suwoong.. he had been suffering from that weird disease.” Yuchan said and looked down, “That disease which was caused by unrequited love.”

“W-What?” Junhee felt like he was splashed by a bucket of cold water and his smile faded. He felt like he was about to throw up but he tried to swallow back the bile.

“He had been in love with Hangyul for a year and it suddenly happened, his health had detoriate and when Sungjun and Wonjun hyung had dragged him to the hospital, they’ve found out that he had been having the disease.” Yuchan said as he clenched his fists, “Suwoong hyung doesn’t even deserve that, he’s a nice person—Hangyul doesn’t deserve him at all! I hate him! He’s making Suwoong hyung suffer and he’s not even noticing it. The way Suwoong hyung cry in pain and the way Suwoong hyung had been trying to catch his breath. It’s painful to watch.. it’s scary.”

“Hate is a strong word, Yuchan. Do you really hate Hangyul?” Junhee asks, “The two of you had been friends too. Why are you hating him? Just because Suwoong fell for him and he’s being insensitive?”

“Hangyul is in a relationship with an another person! Suwoong hyung doesn’t have a chance.. h-he’ll die. I don’t want him to die..” Yuchan muttered and Junhee saw the intense pain in his eyes.

Junhee made the right decision to keep it as a secret on his friends about his disease, seeing how Yuchan can react to it makes him feel like he’s the worst. He doesn’t want to ruin their friendship if they’ll know that it’s Sehyoon that made him have this disease. He made the right decision but why is his hearting aching and kept on pounding as if it wants to burst all of the emotions he’s keeping?

“Is that enough for you to hate someone? Just because someone is loving the one he loves?” Junhee asks as he patted Yuchan’s hair, “Listen, Yuchan. If it happens on one of us and the one that he fell in love made him suffer from that disease? What are you going to do? Will you hate that person?”

“I... don’t know!” Yuchan answered as he gripped on his hair, “I l-love all of you.. y-you’re all my closest friends and i-if that happens, w-we’ll try to find a solution! We’ll find a way for everything to be okay! There must be a solution to every problem, right?”

“See? I bet that is what Sungjun hyung is also thinking about, they’re still trying to find a solution for Suwoong’s problem. And I bet that they don’t hate Hangyul, he’s a nice person and he doesn’t deserve any kind of hate. Nobody does.” Junhee said as he gave a small smile on the younger which pouted, “Don’t ever say that, Yuchan. People out there also suffering something and with people hating them, we’re making it worse. Don’t ever say to someone that you ‘hate’ them, alright?”

Yuchan nodded, “I understand. I’m sorry, Junhee hyung.”

“You don’t need to apologize for that, I'm just reminding you that all of the people have feelings and we shouldn’t hurt them. Nobody deserves to be hated.” Junhee said while looking at Donghun, “Take care of our baby, Donghun. Remember to enlighten this precious kiddo, alright?”

“Junhee, I know that already.” Donghun said as he looked at Yuchan, “But of course, we need an opinion of our ‘leader’.”

“Stop it.” Junhee said as he chuckled, “I just want Yuchan to know about not being insensitive while not knowing the other one’s side.”

“It’s been a while since you’ve gave out an advice us like that, Junhee. It’s making me feel a bit nostalgic..” Donghun said as he looked at Junhee, “You’re so into it whenever you are talking.”

“Well, it’s my duty.. before.” Junhee regretted what he said after seeing Donghun and Yuchan's crestfallen expression and he laughs a bit “Oh dear, please ignore what I've said.”

“You’re still not coming back?” Yuchan asked and Junhee wants to say that he’ll be back to their side, his haven but he knows that sticking with them will just make everything worse than it already is.

Junhee looked around and saw the large jar that Yuchan always carry which was filled with paper cranes and he sighs, “You’re still doing that?”

“I’m determined to get my wish,hyung.” Yuchan said as he looked at the older one with a serious expression.

“Please give up. I’m telling you this in a kind way, Yuchan. You’re just tiring yourself.” Junhee said in a cold tone, his smile faded as he looked at Donghun, “Please, Donghun. Stop him on continuing this blasphemy, false hope won’t get him nowhere.”

“Don’t butt in with my business!” Yuchan exclaimed and it caught Donghun and Junhee off-guard, Byeongkwan seems to pause on cooking and looked at them, “Do you think that I’ll do this for fun? Do you even know how frustrated and desperate I am whenever I’m folding them? How pitiful I look as I kept on staying late just to finish this as soon as possible.. just for you to come back?! Do you think that I’m not serious?”

“That’s not what I meant.” Junhee retorts.

“Oh really? Well, you’re probably thinking that I’m just acting like a kid because my last resort is this fucking urban legend! You’re thinking that I’ll get over this soon and hang out with my friends because I’m young! Just because you’re older at me with three fucking years doesn’t mean that you should treat me like a baby!” Yuchan screamed as he stared at the brunette which seems to be like a deer in the headlights.

“Yuchan, just calm down.” Donghun said in a soft voice but Yuchan glared at him.

“Hyung! You know that he’s wrong! You know that he’s being an asshole to the four of us yet you just let him do that! You’ve been stressed for too long yet you’re just trying to stress yourself by keeping it yourself! Why don’t you tell him what you feel?! Why, Donghun hyung?!” Yuchan said as he points at Junhee.

“Ehem. The food’s about to be ready, stop the drama already.” Byeongkwan said and the three of them looked at him, Byeongkwan looked at Junhee, “Yuchan needs to calm down, just go fetch Sehyoon for a while.”

“Okay.” Junhee said as he gave Yuchan one last look before walking out of the living room.

When Junhee was out of their sight, Yuchan fell to his knees as he was shaking and Donghun kneeled to face the younger and cupped his cheeks. The younger was about to cry and Donghun wiped them as soon as possible.

“No one’s going to cry right now.” Byeongkwan said as he looked at Yuchan, “You almost ruined it but I can’t blame you for that, you’ve been keeping it up to yourself. It’s not healthy to do that at all, it’s alright. Just calm yourself and think what you’ve done wrong. You can apologize to Junhee hyung later.”

“He’s not coming back at all.. he won’t be..” Yuchan murmured as he wiped his tears, “We’re hopeless..”

“No, we weren’t. Whatever his decision is after all of the efforts we’ve done, let’s respect it. Junhee wouldn’t do such an awful thing for nothing, we’ve known him for a long time and he isn’t like this at all. He must’ve been enduring all of it by himself too.” Byeongkwan stated in a stern voice as he looked at the direction where Junhee went “Let’s just enjoy this day and fill it with memories of Junhee. At least, we’re aware that Junhee doesn’t hate us.”

“Yuchan, it's alright.” Donghun said as he looked at the paper cranes, “Do you need some help with this? It’ll be faster to complete this with my help. How many paper cranes have you folded?”

“Two hundred seventy-seven.” Yuchan muttered.

“Come on, Yuchan. Let’s just continue on folding it.” Donghun held his hand and gave him a piece of origami paper.

Yuchan smiled, “Yes. I’ll prove to Junhee hyung that he shouldn’t treat me like a kid just because I’m the youngest one here.”

“That’s the spirit.” Donghun smiled back at his boyfriend while waving an origami paper, “But.. I don’t know how to do it. Can you teach me, Chanie?”

“Sure thing, hyung!” Yuchan chirps.

Byeongkwan smiled at what he’s seeing before going back on his duties at the kitchen, making sure that the dishes will be delicious since their breakfast should give them enough energies on what they’re going to do later, they’re going to enjoy this day.

On the other hand, every step that Junhee takes seems to make his heart pounding louder that he can hear it. This is the most difficult one, he’ll be finding Sehyoon and knowing that the boy likes to isolate himself.. he’ll have a hard time finding him. He wasn’t in his room so Junhee thought that he’s probably hiding somewhere, Sehyoon is fond of silence but too much is bad for him. Thoughts started to crawl in his mind and when it’s too much, he suffers from thinking about it again and again.

He went to a lot of rooms but Sehyoon is nowhere to be found, the only sound that fills the hallways were Junhee’s footsteps until he entered the last room but all he saw was a bunch of closet in it. Nothing more, nothing less. But Junhee feels that something was off, he feels like he’s in a horror movie and something might jump out of the closet. So he thought about running back to the living room but this is the last room that he checked and Sehyoon isn’t around the house, so he decided to open the closets.

Look what love can do, it can strengthen a person. Just for love.

He opened the closets, one by one.. letting out a squeak whenever it opens, revealing nothing at all. He kept on doing it until he was shaking in fear as the closet in the middle was left unopened and he can feel something was staring at him from the inside. Yet, he walked in front of it and opened it.. finally sighing in relief as he saw Sehyoon looking at him with a small smile on his lips.

“Boo.” Sehyoon murmured as Junhee sat on the ground.

“I was so scared! You really kept quiet to see me get scared,huh?” Junhee said and Sehyoon’s smile was enough evidence “Seriously,hyung!”

“I'm sorry. I got a bit carried away but I was really planning to scare you by jumping out of the closet.” Sehyoon said and Junhee stared at him in disbelief.

“I can’t believe this..” Junhee muttered.

“Can you.. join me here for a while?” Sehyoon asks.

“Inside there?” 

Sehyoon nods, “Yes.”

“Isn’t it a bit cramped over there?” Junhee asked.

Sehyoon shrugged, “It’s quite huge so we don’t have to worry about that.”

“Oh, okay then.”

Junhee went inside and looked at Sehyoon, he was hugging his knees while leaning on the closet and he did the same. It was really wide that it managed for both of them to fit here and they could even move a bit. But as Sehyoon, closed the closet again, Junhee wished that everything should turn out fine.

“So, what are we going to do here?” Junhee asked.

“Talk.”

“About what?" he asked again.

“About us. About our friendship. About me.” Sehyoon said as he looked at Junhee, “Will you listen to me once again, Junhee?”

Junhee sighs and smiled at him, “As if I have a choice now.”

“Well, about what you’ve said to me at the rooftop. I kept on thinking about it until now.. I’m really sorry for being too gloomy and for being a bother to you.” Sehyoon said as he lowered his head, “I've been acting like I’m a miserable jerk while you’re being influenced by it too, you’re also suffering like me yet I can't even help you at all just like the way you did for me. I’m really sorry for that..”

“Well, what's done is done already. We can't turn back time..” Junhee said as he nodded, “Continue.”

“Junhee, am I miserable?” Sehyoon asked.

Junhee shook his head, “You’re just a bit different and a little bit misunderstood but miserable? No.”

“Am I a burden to you?” Sehyoon asked again.

“No. You’re not.” Junhee said.

“Then what you’ve said before is a lie, right? You’re just trying to hurt my feelings so that I’ll avoid you too.” Sehyoon said.

Junhee laughs, “Yes.”

“So, how are you?” Sehyoon suddenly asked.

Weak, sad, dying and suffering. Junhee wanted to scream out his true emotions but he only kept a smile as an another lie slipped out of his tongue “Fine.”

“Good. Is Rayoon treating you well?” Sehyoon asked again.

“Wait. Don’t tell me that you thought that Rayoon and I were in a relationship?” Junhee said as he raised an eyebrow.

“After seeing both of you do cute stuff? Yes.” Sehyoon said as he chuckled, “He looks so in love with you, Junhee. Do you feel the same?”

“We’re just friends.” Junhee clarifies but Sehyoon seems to be not convinced with it.

“Why won’t you give him a chance? He seems to treasure you a lot and if you’ll notice how caring he was when it comes to you, I bet that you’ll fall for him too.” Sehyoon said while patting Junhee’s back, “Go get yourself a boyfriend and fall in love.”

“Don’t wanna.” Junhee said as he shook his head, “Loving someone is bothersome. I don’t want falling in love and making a mistake that I’ll regret for the rest of my life.” ‘Just like what he’s currently suffering for’ he thought.

“It’ll be worth it.” Junhee looked at Sehyoon that was also looking him as he started explaining about how worth it was falling in love “Feeling those butterflies in your stomach, smiling wide whenever you see him, how you notice yourself changing for that person and how that person changed your life and how your heart kept on pounding for him. It’s really wonderful. Love is wonderful.”

Junhee thought that Sehyoon only experienced the wonderful thing about love,  unaware of what’s the worst thing about falling in love. Love being an unrequited one, only the one that's giving his heart out and the one that’s always hurt. Junhee chuckled bitterly but he felt bad because he shouldn't be bitter at all, Sehyoon was having a good time and he doesn’t want to ruin it.

“Well, that’s in your case.” Junhee replied, hugging his knees tighter.

“But seriously, Junhee. You should be enjoying our last year in high school. We’ll be graduating in a few months.” he stated while giving him a concerned look, “I don’t get you at all. Just enjoy it with us too. Don’t leave us out hanging on our string of hope. We want you to come back..”

“Hyung, let’s not talk about this. Let’s just enjoy our day,okay?” Junhee said as he held Sehyoon’s hand, “Let’s keep those problems aside for a while.”

“Okay then.” Sehyoon whispered.

“Are you going to tell me more about something before going to the dining room?” Junhee asked, “Any concerns or a cup of tea to spill?”

“Oh.. there’s one thing that I’ve been planning.” Sehyoon said and Junhee noticed how the older blushed so he braced himself on what the older is about to say.

“Spill it.” Despite knowing that he’ll get hurt on what he is about to hear, he still kept on being a martyr and listened to him.

“I was thinking that after Byeongkwan graduates in college, I’ll propose to him.” Junhee felt like all of his hope had shattered into pieces as his world seems to break apart, he can’t help but feel suffocated in all of the sudden “I know that this is kind of sudden but I love him and he loves me back, we might argue or something but I know that in the end of it, we’ll be in each other’s arms. So if we’re still in a relationship until he graduates, I’ll propose to him.”

“Wow, you’ve already planned it out. I’m happy to hear that, Sehyoon hyung.” He's not lying, he's really happy for Sehyoon but he's feeling the worst for himself right now.

“I’ll be expecting you on our wedding,okay?” Sehyoon asked as he grinned and he looked so adorable that Junhee wants to run away from him to avoid feeling unnecessary emotions.

“Sure.” Junhee said as he let out a smile “We should be going at the dining room now, they must’ve been waiting for the two of us.”

“Let’s go.” 

Sehyoon went out of the closet first and offered his hand to Junhee help him out but as Junhee was about to hold Sehyoon’s hand, his surroundings started to get blurry and he stumbled out of the closet. Dizziness came after his defecting sight and his head hurts a lot, Junhee bit his lip on preventing to let out a cry of pain.

“Junhee, are you alright?” He doesn’t know if his hearing is also defecting and made him hear Sehyoon calling out for him.

“F-Fine..” Junhee muttered as he tried to stand, “Just a bit dizzy. You can go there first, I-I’ll return to my room..”

“But you’re not oka—”

He didn’t even let Sehyoon finish and dashed out of the room as he kept on stumbling until he arrived at his room, locking it and getting the bottle of pills that he hid at one of the drawer. He swallowed one as soon as possible and drank all of the contents of his water bottle. He fell into the bed as he hugged himself, feeling nausea is about to kick in so with all of his might, he stood up and almost crawled his way into the restroom, leaning on the walls for support.

And he threw up, he hasn't even eaten since last night and all he threw up seems to be liquid until he went limp. He was lying down in the restroom’s floor, trying to catch his breath and waiting for his senses to work once again. He bit his lip because the pain in his chest kept on getting worse and if this continues, he might scream and he wouldn’t want the others to see him in this state. So he kept quiet for a while until he was able to breathe normally and he stood up, somehow stumbling but after a few steps, he managed to walk normally again.

He went back to the room and took the white hoodie and the jeans that he took along with the bottle of pills when he saw his bag. He went inside the restroom again and changed his clothes as he flushed the toilet, making sure that all of the stuff that he threw up wouldn’t be noticed by anyone. But as he looked at the mirror, he can’t help but pity himself. He had lose a large amount of his weight and he looked so lifeless, he wants to hate this reflection of his. He wants to punch the mirror but it won’t change anything at all. He’ll still be in this state and sooner or later, he’ll be so thin that even the air could break him.

He went to the dining room and his eyes widened, the room was so luxurious. With a long table and a lot of chairs in it. The table cloth seems to be expensive, every single furniture looks so expensive. And heck, it even had a chandelier. But when he saw the dishes, he immediately went on a seat near Yuchan and sat beside the younger. All of them looked at him and he tilted his head.

“What took you so long?” Donghun asked.

Junhee laughs, “Changed my clothes and I got a little dizzy. Haven’t ate anything since last night.”

“Are you sure? You looked in pai—”

“Wow, you cooked hamburger steak for breakfast!” Junhee cut him off and looked at Byeongkwan, “It looks good but.. is it edible?”

“Excuse me? Are you judging my cooking skills?” Byeongkwan raised an eyebrow.

“Well, anyone would suspect your cooking.” Donghun said and Junhee gave him a high-five.

“You don’t look like someone that can cook.” Yuchan said and Byeongkwan looks so offended that Sehyoon chuckled.

“What’s with that, Sehyoonie?! Protect me from the three of them!” Byeongkwan whines.

Sehyoon averted his eyes on the younger as he scratched his cheek, “Sorry, Byeongkwan. I was thinking the same..”

“Oh my gosh, after cooking all of these..” Byeongkwan said as he looked at them one by one “I can’t believe all of you!”

“We’re just kidding.” Sehyoon said as he laughed.

“You know what? Let’s just begin to eat it all, we have a lot of things to do..” Donghun said.

All of them agreed and started to get their plates and filled it, Sehyoon seems to be enjoying the dish. Of course, hamburgers were his favorite and the fact that Byeongkwan cooked made him like it more. But there’s one person that took a little portion, the four kept on stealing glances on Junhee as the brunette ate silently but after a while, he stopped.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m not in the mood to eat a lot. But it was delicious.. it really was.” Junhee said as he smiled, “If only I could eat a lot now, I'll finish it up and request for an another serving.”

“You haven’t even finished your meal.” Sehyoon said in a concerned tone.

Junhee shrugs, “I’m okay, I feel so full with what I’ve ate anyway.”

“You’ve just ate 1/3 of the contents in your plate and you’re saying that you’re already full?” Donghun asked and Yuchan gave Junhee a concerned look.

“I-I’m sorry. I’ll be in the living room if you’ll need me..” Junhee said as he stood, “Thank you for the meal.”

As Junhee exited the room, the four shared concerned looks at each other. Especially Byeongkwan, he’s actually pretty calm about the situation but noticing how Junhee lose weight and Junhee’s appetite makes him worry for the older boy.

“Is he going to be alright?” Yuchan asked.

Donghun nodded, “He’s Park Junhee. Of course, he will be alright.”

“I’m getting worried a lot more..” Yuchan muttered.

“Let’s just finish our meal and go beside him, what are we supposed to do next?” Byeongkwan said.

Donghun looked at the window before looking back at Byeongkwan, “We’re going to play outside.”

“But Junhee seems to be sick.” Sehyoon blurted out and the three looked at him, “He stumbled a while ago and it seems like he was in pain, it took him more than a minute to recover. I was so shocked a while ago and was offering help but he ran away from me, he even kept on stumbling.”

“So he’s sick then? Probably a fever? Should we give him medicines?” Yuchans ask, his hands kept on shaking.

“Well, when I looked at his bag. I saw a bottle filled with pills in it, I don’t know what kind of pills was that.” Sehyoon said and looked down, “And when I checked his phone, Rayoon’s last message to him was to remember that he should drink his medication.”

“What kind of sickness is he having?” Byeongkwan asked.

“Probably a flu? Junhee seems to be tired and paler than the usual.” Yuchan answered.

Donghun shook his head, “If it’s only a flu, then why does he have a bottle of pills? It could’ve been just one or five pills.”

“Probably Rayoon was so overprotective and cautious of his health?” Yuchan said.

“Yes.. maybe, you’re right.” Donghun said as he sighed.

“Let’s just finish eating and follow him..” Sehyoon said and everyone nodded.

 

But after they did and cleaned up the dishes, they ran to the dining room and saw Junhee sleeping at the couch. Yuchan can’t help but feel bad because Junhee looks so tired yet peaceful so he went in the storage room to get a fluffy blanket for the older and wrapped it at Junhee. 

 

“Guess that the snowball fight and all of the activities outside won’t be happening with Junhee.” Byeongkwan sighs.

“He have a fever but it isn’t that bad, just enough rest will do.” Donghun said, “Guess that we’ll be doing our activities then.”

“We’ll watch over Junhee hyung as we continue folding out these paper cranes.” Yuchan said and he grinned.

“Then that means that me and Sehyoonie will prepare the dishes for tonight!” Byeongkwan chirps as he looked at the black-haired male, “You'll help me out, right?”

“Yes.” Sehyoon said as he intertwined their fingers.

“Then let’s go!”

 

The two couple focused on their own activities as Junhee was sleeping, both of them seems to be engrossed on it until they haven’t even realized that it was already 7 P.M. when Junhee woke up.

“Junhee’s awake!” Donghun announced as everyone gathered around the brunette.

“What?” Junhee asked as he scrubbed his eyes.

“You’ve just slept for more than ten hours, hyung. From 9 A.M. to 7 P.M, are you alright?” Byeongkwan asks and Junhee nodded, “Good. Now, shall we enjoy the remaining five hours of our day? We kinda wasted it on our activities and you on your trip to Dreamland.”

“Sorry." Junhee sheepishly said, “What are we going to do?”

“We’re actually planning to watch a movie until it’s 11 P.M.” Yuchan said as he looked af Donghun hyung.

“One is a romance one while the other is horror.” Donghun said as he smirked, “We picked the best horror film just for you.”

“Wow, I feel so loved. Thanks.” Junhee said sarcastically as he looked at them in disbelief.

“Let’s get it started.” Sehyoon says as he opened the TV.

Junhee sat as the other four squeezed themselves beside him as the first movie started, it was a cliche romance film that made Junhee somehow cringe while he can hear Yuchan or probably Byeongkwan squealing at some of the romantic scenes as their boyfriend laughs at them. The female character was such a damsel in distress while the male character is just like a prince-charming saving the female. It ended with a happy ending as the couple got together in the end which made Junhee a bit bitter about it, it made him jealous how people in movies get together. It made him realize how unfair it was to him.

The second movie is something that Junhee wants to run away from but the lights were off in the living room and the only light is coming from the TV itself so he braced himself on the worst outcome. And just like what Donghun was expecting, they kept on screaming like a bunch of high school girls except for Sehyoon which seems to be enjoying the movie and his friends’ reaction. Even with a light jumpscare, the four jumped on their seats while clinging on the closest thing to them. Junhee’s high-pitch screams was the funniest one and the movie ended with the four almost passing out in fear and Sehyoon in delight.

“That’s it. We’re NOT going to watch an another horror movie ever AGAIN!” Byeongkwan said, emphasizing on the words ‘not’ and ‘again’ as he turn the light switch 'on'

“It was actually nice. The jumpscares and chase scenes were a bit boring but the storyline’s good.” Sehyoon said as his boyfriend looked at him in disbelief.

“Boring?! I was so scared that I almost peed on my pants!” Byeongkwan exclaims

“I don’t think that I can go on a restroom alone tonight..” Yuchan murmured.

Donghun winked at him, “Don’t worry, I’ll accompany you there.”

“Well, Junhee hyung’s the one that suffered the most.” Yuchan said as they saw Junhee’s reaction.

“I am not getting a decent sleep tonight.” Junhee murmured.

“Wait, what time is it?” Byeongkwan asked as he looked at the wall clock, “Shit! It’s already 11:30 P.M!”

“Then that means that we should hurry up.” Sehyoon said in a casual way as he looked at Yuchan, “Where’s the fireworks? And is there a place where the snow isn’t piled up yet?”

“Before the caretaker left yesterday, I told him to clean the backyard so I think that it’s fine to set the fireworks over there.” Yuchan said as he grinned at the older, “So, who’ll set it up?”

“Me.” Sehyoon replied.

“Then me, Yuchan and Junhee hyung will play in the snow outside!” Byeongkwan chirps as he wrapped his arms at Yuchan and Junhee which sighed.

“But Junhee’s sick..” Donghun tried to retort but Junhee shook his head.

“It won’t be bad to play in the snow for a few minutes, don’t be a party pooper.” Junhee said as he laughed, making the oldest one frown.

“Let's go!” Byeongkwan exlaims, dragging the two with him outside.

 

As Sehyoon and Donghun was left in the living room, both of them shared a concerned look at each other.

“He slept for ten hours, he looked so tired despite sleeping during the ride.” Sehyoon said as he took Junhee’s bag that was kept in the other couch, “And he even had those pills.”

“Can I see them?” Donghun asked.

Sehyoon opened Junhee’s bag again and his eyes widened a bit “It isn’t here anymore.”

“It must’ve been in his room now.” Donghun said as he gave Sehyoon an assuring look, “I’ll go look for it, Sehyoon. Go get the fireworks and prepare it as soon as possible.”

“I don’t think that pry into Junhee’s personal problem is a good idea though.” Sehyoon muttered as he run a hand in his hair.

Donghun shrugs, “We’re his friends. We gave him enough time to avoid us, it’s time for us to know what he’s hiding.”

 

Sehyoon looked away as he went to the car and Donghun went to Junhee’s room, opening the door and immediately looking at the closet and the drawers until he found a bottle filled with pills in it. Donghun inspected the bottle but there weren’t any label in it, just a clear bottle filled with pills. He sighed as he put it on his hood’s pocket, closing all the drawers and closet to avoid Junhee getting suspicious then closed the door.

“Junhee, what’s happening to you?” Donghun murmured as he walked downstairs.

 

After he arrived at Yuchan’s backyard, he can see Sehyoon setting up a table outside as he put the dishes that they cooked while the fireworks were at the other side of the backyard. Not far from where they’re standing, he could see Yuchan playing a snowball fight with Junhee and Byeongkwan. It seems that the three had been having fun and he shook his head as he sighed.

“Sehyoon, what time is it?” he asked the younger.

“11:45 P.M” Sehyoon replies.

“In five minutes, call the three kids over here.” Donghun said as he leaned on the fence, “You know what? We haven’t done anything exciting at all, it's a pity that Junhee slept for a long time.”

“Instead of feeling sad for that, I’m kind of worried about Junhee’s health.” Sehyoon said in a low tone as he looked at the brunette, “There must’ve been something that’s happening to him and he’s keeping it from the four of us.”

“But why? We’re his friends, we can help him.” Donghun tried to think of a reason why Junhee is hiding something from them but he can't even think of one.

“Because he doesn’t want us to get hurt, he prefer to hurt us in this way rather than to suffer all the way along with him.”

Donghun looked at the black-haired male before chuckling softly “That was a sentimental reason, maybe you’re right. That’s like Junhee.”

“Have you talked to him a while ago?” Sehyoon asked as he placed both of his hands on his pockets.

Donghun nods, “Yes but it ended up a bit rough because Yuchan was so pissed on Junhee telling him to give up. Yuchan was doing his best and hearing it from Junhee that his wish won’t happen at all angered the little brat.”

“I see. My conversation with him ended up smooth, it was okay until he stumbled and ran away from me.” Sehyoon said as he lowered his head “I don’t understand this situation at all but I want to spend the rest of the day with him until we’ll be back to our mundane everyday.”

“Me too.”

“Hyungs!” Both of them looked at Yuchan as Junhee and Byeongkwan walks beside him, laughing as they talked about random stuff.

“What’s up?” Sehyoon asks.

“It’s already 11:57 P.M. and you didn’t even reminded us about it!” Yuchan said as he pouted and put his hands on his waist.

Donghun laughs as he ruffled the younger’s hair “Sorry about that, we’re just chatting about something and didn’t realized it sooner.”

“Seriously, hyung!” Yuchan said as he puffed his cheeks.

“Stop acting cute, Yuchan. I might kiss you in front of them.” Donghun teased and laughed as the youngest blushed and looked away.

“Stop flirting in front of me and start the damn fireworks. We only have a minute for that!” Junhee said as he looked at his watch.

“Oh!” Sehyoon immediately went beside the fireworks.

 

Junhee looked on Yuchan and how the youngest was anticipating the fireworks along with Byeongkwan. Donghun seems to be enjoying Yuchan's expression and Sehyoon was waiting for their signal to light the fireworks, Junhee felt home in all of the sudden. He felt so comfortable that he didn't even realized that he was smiling and screaming along with them as the countdown started.

“Two! One! Happy new year!” As if everyone is in sync as they chanted and the fireworks had reach the sky, shattering a bunch of bright colors as Yuchan and Byeongkwan kept on screaming.

“Even though we’re quite far on the city, we can see the fireworks from here.” Byeongkwan said as he looked at the sky, “It’s too beautiful..”

“Just like you.” Sehyoon said and it made Byeongkwan looked at him in disbelief but the blush on his cheeks was obvious.

“That was smooth.” Byeongkwan stated as he playfully hit his chest.

“Let’s take a picture of ourselves! This is a special day!” Yuchan beamed as he took his phone out.

“Come on!” Donghun gestured at the other ones to come beside him, “Smile!”

After taking a picture, Yuchan looked at it and smiled once again before hugging Junhee in all of the sudden. Junhee was surprised but just chuckled at the younger, Donghun along with Byeongkwan and Sehyoon also hugged Junhee and it turned into a group hug. Junhee feels so warm and happy, it’s been a while. He wants to stay like this forever but with his sickness, it could only make things worse.

 

“I can’t believe that the four of you are too sappy right now.” Junhee joked as he looked at them.

“Junhee hyung, you know what? When it’s spring, there’s a lot o pretty flowers growing around here and the scene was too beautiful. Are you up on going here for a day once again?” Yuchan asked and Junhee can’t help but feel a wave of anxiety drag him down as he saw the anticipation on the younger’s face.

“I can’t promise you but if I’ll be able to, I would. Of course, I want to spend time with a dongsaeng like you.” Junhee said as pinched both of Yuchan’s cheeks.

“If you want to spend time with us, then don’t avoid us once again. I don’t know what you’re trying to do but don’t act like we don’t exist in your life anymore, Junhee. Talk to us, spend time with us or even just look at us.” Donghun said as he looked at a different direction, “We know that you’re not going back on our dance unit but we would appreciate it if you would talk to us.”

“I’m sorry for hurting all of your feelings, guys.” Junhee said and all of them were surprised, “I’ve put the four of you through a lot and you’ve been hurt also. I’m really sorry, I know that apologizing isn’t enough but it’s all that I can do now.”

“Hyung, you don’t know how glad we were for you to talk to us right now.” Byeongkwan said as he sobbed.

“There goes the one who tried not to break the rule..” Donghun said as he smiled, shaking his head as Byeongkwan cried.

“Aw. Come here, you brat.” Junhee gestured at Byeongkwan and the blonde ran to his side as he hugged Junhee really tight, Junhee combs Byeongkwan’s hair with his hand as he let the younger cry “There, there. It’s alright to cry, Byeongkwan. You’ve been strong for a long  time, I’m so proud of you. You don’t know how proud am I, you’ve been a good leader and the pillar for them.  I want you to continue doing that,okay? I don’t deserve the four of you, I don’t really deserve all of you because I’ll end up hurting and breaking anyone else.”

“No, you don’t understand! Hyung, we’re your friends. No matter what happens, you’re still our leader! No one’s going to lead this group of friends aside from you, you’re the real pillar here. Not me! And if you’ll end up breaking or hurting us, we’ll gladly experience it as long as we’re with you!” Byeongkwan said as he kept on sobbing, Yuchan on the other side was already weeping like a child.

“Seriously. Still stubborn as you were?” Junhee said as he cupped the younger’s cheeks and wiped his tears with his fingers “I don’t deserve these tears, Byeongkwan. I’m sorry for everything, you don’t need to cry for me. You deserve way better than this..”

“Junhee, don’t say that. I don’t want to hear any kind of advice like that. We’ve already told you that we’re your friends, if you’re hurt.. we can sense it and we also felt bad for not being able to help you. You can't say that you don't desere anything because we think that you deserve anything that you want, you’re a kind-hearted person. I know that you know it deep inside..” Donghun said as he ruffled Junhee’s hair.

“Guys, don’t make me feel so happy right now. My feelings might burst and I’ll feel like it's too much that I could die.” Junhee joked but he realized what he said and flinched.

 

As Byeongkwan stopped on crying, the five of them sat besides each other while eating and watching the fireworks from afar. Junhee listened on all of the stories that they've told him. Donghun with being dragged on the music club to perform with Inseong, Heejun, Gunmin, Hyunsoo and the others at one of the school's event last month. Byeongkwan was invited by ONF's maknae, Minseok and one of their leader, Seungjoon to perform also with a guy that's great at b-boy, Baekjin. Sehyoon with performing along with Mingming, Hangyeom, Seungjun and that Japanese boy names Hiro along with other performers on an event outside their school. And Yuchan had been busking outside with some of his friends, Junyoung, Hangyul, Hojung, Dongmyeong, and that popular boy, Hansol.

Junhee realized that they were able to showcase their talents more when he wasn't around. He had been too selfish before and he doesn't want anyone trying to steal the boys aways from his group and he felt bad for thinking that he had been holding them back for too long. He acts like he doesn't know all of those but the truth was he was there, he watched all of their performances from afar and he can't help but feel proud to all of them.

 

“That means that you've been doing well. Nice one,everyone!” Junhee said as he grinned.

“Well, we just got dragged at first but we enjoyed it..” Byeongkwan said while laughing, “It was fun.”

“I'm sure it was.. I feel a bit jealous though, I had been focused on studying too much that I can only perform with Seyong and the others.” Junhee said, pouting while looking at the sky.

“How's Seyong hyung as a leader?” Yuchan asks.

“Terrifying.” Junhee said as he remembered how scary Seyong is that Rayoon called him 'Sir' without even realizing it.

Donghun chuckled, “But I bet that you’re scarier than that.”

“If only they know what kind of leader is Junhee hyung~” Byeongkwan teased.

“Junhee hyung, can you also spend New Year’s Eve with us again?” Yuchan asked.

Junhee shrugged, “I don’t know. If I’m able to, then why not?”

“I really want to celebrate it with the five of us, where we’re away from everything. Just the five of us and nothing else.. the four of you are my most treasured friends and you made my life happy. I want the five of us to stick together until we die..” Yuchan said as he leaned on Donghun’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry..” Junhee said as he tapped the younger’s back “Even if I’m not here with you, I’ll also be watching it somewhere. The fireworks and sky connecting us even though we’re not beside each other, we can feel that we're also seeing it together.”

“That was cheesy, Junhee." Sehyoon said as he kept on munching on the food at his plate.

 

Junhee laughs as he looked at the sky but he also kept on stealing glances on Byeongkwan kissing Sehyoon in all of the sudden as they lean on each other and also on Donghun holding Yuchan's hand while kissing his forehead. Oh, he's such a fifth wheeler. He feels so loved.

He wonders if the others were also enjoying the fireworks just like they do, he thinks of Yoohyeon and Siyeon being together and also his other friends along with his family. He also thinks about Rayoon, if the blonde was just alright and celebrating New Year's Eve happily. He had been hurting the younger and he thinks that Rayoon deserves to be happy.

 

“Let’s play, hyung!” Yuchan said as he stood, “How about some playstation games?”

“Yes, I think that it’s too cold on staying here for too long..” Byeongkwan murmured as he shivered.

“Let’s go, Junhee hyung!” Yuchan said

“Junhee..” Sehyoon offered his hand at Junhee.

“You don’t need to help me sta—” Junhee felt a pang on his chest as his sight seems to get a bit blurry and he hold his head before shaking it furiously “I c-can do it.. I’ll just go to my room for a while..”

 

He didn't even let the others finished what they’re saying as he ran to his room, almost falling at the stairs but he managed to climb upstairs. He even forgot to close the door as the only thing that’s in his mind was the pills but as he opened the drawers, the pills weren’t there.

 

“W-What...” He was too weak to stand as he lay on the floor, trying to stand up and search for his pills but he feels to weak and he can hear himself cough while trying to catch his breath but as he covered his mouth, he tasted something and when he looked at his hand, he felt scared “B-Blood?”

 

 

He felt so immobilized that he kept on coughing while trying to crawl outside the room, he wants to scream for help but there wasn't any voice coming out from his mouth. He was scared and he’s already trying his best to cry out for help but Rayoon isn’t here. His family isn’t here. Siyeon isn’t here. No one will be able to help him.

 

In a few minutes, he felt himself a bit drowsy as if he’s being cradled by Hypnos and he didn’t fought back. He just let himself close his eyes, he’s too tired. But before everything went dark, he felt like someone screamed his name and he can recognize it that he wanted to smile bitterly.

 

To be found by the one that caused him to have this disease to be dying was somehow funny. Ah, he’s so miserable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a 10.3k chap ^^ Sorry if it's a mess :< Oh, and one more thing.. I've been writing a Plastic Memories!AU for WowSon so I might publish it after this story ;;


	8. • 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think that it's a bit messy since my mind had been a mess too. i tried to keep it a bit okay but it ended up like this.. i'm so sorry!! anyway, i think i'm gonna write an another a.c.e fic soon but it's either a fucked up one or a heartwarming one yet a bit angsty : <
> 
> i appreciate every comments on this story, thank you very much! hoping to read more of 'em hehe /jumps off a cliff/

“Do you think that they’ll be alright?” Rayoon asks.

Siyeon shrugged, trying to keep her eyes opened “I don’t know. Can they go home already? I hope that Junhee’s okay.”

“Seriously, you two! Stop acting like Junhee’s a piece of glass, he’s not that fragile!” They heard Seyong shouted from the other side of the living room.

Their circle of friends had decided to celebrate New Year’s Eve in Seyong’s house and it’s already 2:30 A.M yet Rayoon or Siyeon weren’t receiving any messages from the four that dragged Junhee away. They can’t stop on worrying as they continue to stare at their phones as if their life depende on it.

“Rayoon looks so worried.” Euijin noticed as he gave the younger boy a concerned look, “Hey, pal. Junhee’s going to be okay.”

“I hope so..” Rayoon muttered as he tightened his grip on his smartphone.

And in all of the sudden, the chorus of a song entitled ‘My Story’ had been heard from Rayoon’s phone and the two looked at it, Rayoon was about to press the answer button when Seyong suddenly slap his hand away.

“What?” he asks, confusion was evident on his face.

“Wait until we get on the 'What u wanna do' part, I really like that.” Seyong said as he grinned.

“Seriously,hyung!” Rayoon sighed as he answered the call, pressing the loudspeaker button “Hello?”

[R-Rayoon hyung..] It was Yuchan and his voice was shaking that made Siyeon and Rayoon shared a concerned look.

“What is it, Yuchan?”

[J-Junhee hyung.. he collapsed in all of the sudden.. Sehyoon hyung f-found him in his room.. h-he had been coughing out blood.. I-I'm scared...] Yuchan’s response was interrupted by his sobs.

“What?!” Siyeon exclaimed, “I knew it! We shouldn’t have agreed to this one!”

“Wait, why is Junhee coughing out blood?” Euna asks in confusion but also because she was concerned.

“Hey, Yuchan! Where are you?!” Siyeon asked.

[W-We’re on the way to the hospital.. J-Junhee hyung’s so cold. What’s happening to h-him?!]

“Just send me the address of the hospital as soon as possible.” Rayoon said “I’m going to end this call, okay? Just don’t panic and don’t ask too many questions on the doctor.”

[O..Okay.]

As Rayoon ended the call, he can already see Siyeon crying beside her while the others were surprised yet they’re also scared on what might happen to their friend. He felt responsible for what happened, he talked about this to them and let them play along with Byeongkwan’s plan. If only he rejected that risky idea as soon as possible, Junhee is probably okay until now. His phone buzzed as someone messaged him and it was Yuchan sending the address of the hospital where they’re about to go.

“Siyeon noona, let’s go.” he said and Siyeon nodded, as they were about to open the door, Seyong had opened it first and dragged both of them to his van.

“Both of you are coming with us. We’re also Junhee’s friends and we need to know what happened to that punk.” Seyong said while gritting his teeth, “That punk must’ve been sick and he’s hiding it, I’m going to scold him when he wakes up.”

“Hyung, you don’t need to.” Rayoon said as he avoided Seyong’s gaze at him.

“Well, whether you like it or not.. we’re going with all of you.” Suji said as she put her hands on her waist, “What are friends for?”

“We shouldn’t waste time, let’s go.” Yoohyeon added as she entered the van and the others followed.

“What are you waiting for?! Let’s go!” They heard Euna said and both of them looked at each other, still lost and scared on what is the possible outcome of this situation.

The whole ride was silent, no one talk as Seyong was driving. Rayoon’s attention was fixed on his smartphone, in case anyone would message him about Junhee’s current condition. When they arrived the parking lot, Rayoon spotted Donghun’s car which confirmed that they’ve arrived in the building so he dashed inside. As he saw the four that he despised, all he can see was red as he stomped on their direction.

“Kim Sehyoon!” he growled in rage as he grabbed the black haired man’s collar tight and pushed him into the wall

“Rayoon, stop that! Sehyoon did nothing wrong!” Rayoon heard Byeongkwan but he was so mad at Sehyoon, he doesn’t deserve Junhee at all. He doesn’t deserve to be in pain just because of this man.

“Oh really?” Rayoon can’t help but smirk as he pushed Sehyoon and took a step backwards while he kept that terrifying expression of his “You really think that he haven’t done something at all? Fuck this.”

“Byeongkwan’s right. Sehyoon did nothing, he found Junhee and the drawers were all opened as if he’s looking for something.” Donghun said.

“Looking for something? Wait, is his bag with him?” Siyeon asked.

Yuchan shook his head “No, Byeongkwan hyung kept it in the living room. He said that Junhee hyung might escape if the bag was with him..”

“Give me his bag.” Rayoon said in a cold tone and Yuchan gave him Junhee’s bag, he went to check it but he noticed that the bottle of pills was missing “It’s not here.”

“Are you talking about this?” Donghun took out a bottle of pills which made Siyeon gasped and Rayoon thinks that Sungjun muttered something but all he can think of was 'Donghun have it?' “I saw it in his drawer and took it because I was about to interrogate him later for this but in all of the sudden, he was unconcious and there’s blood on the floor.”

“You fucking bastard!” Rayoon screamed in rage as he punched Donghun and took the bottle of pills “That’s it! Playtime’s fucking over! The four of you! Out of my sight! Don’t you dare talk to Junhee again!”

“What?” Now, Byeongkwan was infuriated. Rayoon had been screaming at his friends as if they’ve done something wrong “Who are you to command us like that, Rayoon?”

“P-Please just leave..” Siyeon said as she cried again, “Please leave. You’ve been causing Junhee too much pain, please go away. Junhee doesn’t deserve this.”

“Siyeon!” Yoohyeon immediately went beside her girlfriend that was crying as she hugged her tight.

“No, we won’t leave. We’re his friends, I don’t know what is happening and what you’ve done to him but no, we’re staying here.” Byeongkwan said as he glared at the blonde.

“I trusted all of you that you won’t hurt Junhee but look what happened to him. You said that he’ll be alright but what now? This is so pointless. I shouldn’t have agreeed at all, Junhee doesn’t deserve this.” Rayoon murmured as he clenched his fists “His parents are about to arrive so if you don’t want everything to get worse, just leave. They don’t know that you took Junhee on a trip and when they do, this might be the last time that you’ll see him. Don’t make it worse, just leave. The four of you aren’t helping at all!”

“I don’t understand you and all of this but he’s our friend! Tell us what’s happening so that we can help, don’t hide it from us! I bet that you’ve done something that made him avoid us, you made him disband us.. am I right?” Byeongkwan said as he smirked.

“Whether that's true or not, you’re still the losers here. Junhee won’t be back to your side, you’ve got that borrowed time yet you wasted it. Now, scram!” Rayoon said as he glared at the four of them.

Seyong was surprised, he haven’t witness Rayoon to be like this. The boy was too calm so he thought that he’s a cheerful boy but he never thought that just like a river, the calm ones were the deep ones. Rayoon was hiding a horrifying personality deep inside him. Rayoon looked scary that all of them were just looking at the blonde haired boy, and it made him frustrated. He wasn’t used to dramas and he hates it, he wants to butt in and kick their asses out but he doesn’t know a thing so he just kept his composure and watched them.

“No, we’re not leaving at all!” Byeongkwan screamed back.

“Byeongkwan, let’s go.” All of them looked at Sehyoon, his crestfallen expression was obvious as his boyfriend stared at him in disbelief.

“No, Sehyoon..”

“Look, Byeongkwan. He’s right about not making anything worse than it is, Junhee’s parents are going to hate us if they’ll know how we took him without their consent. And Rayoon’s going to be in trouble for that, too.” Sehyoon said in a calm tone, trying not to tone down the tension on the atmosphere “Let’s go.”

“Hyung, I want to make sure that Junhee hyung wakes up..” Yuchan said, fidgeting as he lowered his head.

“Let’s go, Yuchan.” Sehyoon said as he helped Donghun to stand and looked at Rayoon “Take care of Junhee for us.”

“You don’t need to tell me that, my existence is enough for Junhee to throw scumbags like you out of his life.” Rayoon said, a smug expression was seen in his face and Byeongkwan felt so mad that he wants to punch the hell out of this man.

“You’re the one initiating a fight here.” Sehyoon said as he glared at the blonde “We’re not going to fight you back, provoke us with all of your might but you won’t be able to break us down.”

Sehyoon held Byeongkwan’s hand while Yuchan was with Donghun, worrying about their leader on also on his boyfriend’s cheek. Hand in hand, the couples had walked away until they’re out of Rayoon’s sight. The blonde had leaned on the wall as he sat, covering his face with both of his hands. He felt so bad for everything, he felt so mad at everyone and he felt so terrified on what’s about to happen.

 

“Hey, Rayoon.. those pills..” Rayoon looked up and saw Sungjun’s scared expression “I-It’s for the patients with Unrequited Love Syndrome, right?”

“What?” Almost all of their friends asked in unison except on Siyeon, Sungjun and Rayoon.

“Seriously, what is this blasphemy? Junhee, suffering from that kind of disease? Ha!” Seyong laughs a bit before shaking his head, “Yeah, that will probably happen if the world is about to end.”

Rayoon can't help but laugh, he laughed so loud that his voice echoed on the hallway. His friends had been sharing glances on each other, worried on the boy’s reaction “That was funny. But hey, newsflash! The world is about to end! Junhee’s suffering from Unrequited Love Syndrome!”

“What? Are you serious about that?” Euna asked, a crestfallen expression is evident on her face as she cling to Suji.

“I’m not lying, Euna. It’s real. H-He had been suffering for too long, he had been tough for a long time that it’s probably that his body is slowly malfunctioning just because of love. For fuck’s sake.. life hates Junhee.” Rayoon said as he let out the tears that made his sight blurry “I want to save him. I want to save him and let him love me just like how he does on that bastard but it’s impossible! I just want Junhee to look at me.. but now that I have his attention, I felt like I was drowning on his existence. His sadness hurts me, his happiness makes me glad and his expression in pain had been terrifying me. I can’t stand this!”

“Shit.” That was all that Seyong could say, he was flabbergasted on the sudden revelation. He can’t help himself but feel bad because he had been insensitive. He’s aware that there’s something wrong with his friend but he doesn’t know that it was that bad.

“W-Who is it?” Euijin asked as he clenched his fists “Who is that bastard that made Junhee suffer from this?”

“Whoever it is, we won’t be able to do anything about this anymore. Junhee’s been in love with that person for more than five years and he had been suffering for three years, his disease had reached its final stage. We’re hopeless, Junhee’s done for. All we can do is to provide him happy memories that he’ll be thankful of until his last breath. That’s all we can do..” Rayoon responded as he cried louder “That’s all I can provide him! I want to save him but it’s out of my reach already!”

“Rayoon!” Euijin dragged Seyong and Sungjun as they went beside Rayoon, comforted the crying male.

“Y-You also knew about that, Yeonie?” Yoohyeon asked, caressing the girl’s face.

Siyeon nodded, “He told me about it during the day that he attended the class after he disbanded their dance group, he had been suffering and I’ve been an insensitive person. I want to protect him at all cost, he doesn’t deserve that at all. I want to save him too.. but what can I do? He fell for someone that loves someone else, he fell for someone that would never notice his feelings for him, he fell for the boy that was broken which he fixed, he fell for Kim Sehyoon, the broken boy that made him broken like that.”

“Oh my, you’ve had it tough.” Suji said as she hugged Siyeon, Euna and Yoohyeon joined their hug until they were starting to cry like how they used to when they were just little girls.

“This is bullshit..” Euijn murmured, tears falling from his eyes.

“How gay, a real man doesn’t cry.” Seyong reminded him.

“No, real men can cry. That goes for insensitive assholes!” Euijin retorted as he pointed at Seyong “And you’re about to cry! Stop acting tough like that!”

“I-I’m not going to cry!” Seyong shouts as he looked down “I have to be tough for all of you right now.”

 

In the end, Seyong ended up crying and all of them weep as they wait for the doctor to tell them about Junhee’s condition. After an hour, his parents arrived and Rayoon confessed everything. The old couple can’t help but feel bad on Rayoon because he had been in too much pain just to make sure that Junhee is happy but also, they felt bad for Junhee’s friends. They don’t dislike them but they knew that if Junhee sticks to them, it’ll be worse for the brunette so they have to isolate their son. As long as it’ll prolong his life, it’s alright.

 

“Are you Park Junhee's relatives?” The doctor went outside and all of them stood, Junhee’s parents took a step towards the doctor.

“We’re his parents.” Mr. Park said as he held his wife’s hand, providing comfort on what the doctor is about to say “How is our son?”

“Park Junhee will be sent to the Intensive Care Unit, he might be unconcious for days.. or probably weeks. His immune system had malfunctioned and because he wasn’t able to take his medication after the disease attacked, he’s still in the danger zone. There might be times that his lungs will fail to work or his heart to suddenly stop so we’ll keep an eye on him.” The doctor, Hwang Jungha said as he looked at the room once again before looking at Junhee’s parents “Your son is suffering from the Unrequited Love Syndrome, am I right? The ones that took him here wasn’t aware of it so I lied about the boy having pneumonia, the patient is probably hiding it from them. It’s possible that one of them is the one that caused the patient to have this disease.”

“Thank God.” Mrs. Park said as she hugged her husband and cried “My son doesn’t deserve this, he promised me that he’ll study hard and he’ll help our family to be a better. He promised that he’ll live a happy life but why is he suffering?”

“I would like the two of you to accompany me at my office, I’ll be needing you to sign some papers and we’ll talk about the pros and cons of what might happen to your son.” Hwang Jungha said as he sighs, “Unrequired Love Syndrome is a  complex disease, it can’t be cured unless the feeling were reciprocated back to the patient. That’s the only cure that is avail to it so it’s a shame that people who have dreams and high hopes had been falling apart just because of it, just because of love.” 

“Rayoon, stay here.” Mrs. Park said as they went with the doctor.

 

And once again, Junhee’s circle of friends had been left as they prayed to every single deities and gods that they know for their friend’s recovery. 

 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

When Junhee opened his eyes, everything was still dark. He can’t help but feel panicked because he can’t see anything at all but as a few minutes passed, his eyes seems to function well and he started to see the colors yet they were blurry at first until he can finally see again. He sighed because he thought that he was definitely going to be blind but thankfully, he wasn’t. He saw the white ceiling and as he looked at his right side, he saw Rayoon holding his hand tight while some of his friends were also there. And there’s a person in white, it must’ve been a doctor and most likely, he was at a hospital room right now.

“Do you hear me, Park Junhee? Blink twice if yes, just blink once if no.” He heard the doctor said and he blinked twice.

“Do you remember what happened to you?” Junhee tried to recall on what happened and remembered the last thing that happened before everything went black so blinked twice.

“That’s a relief. Now, I’ll be checking your vital signs for now and will run some tests on you. I need you to be a tough man,alright?” The doctor said so he blinked twice, the doctor nods in amusment “What an obedient one. To all of his friends that were stucked here for five days, I would like you to please step outside for a while.”

Five days. He had been unconcious for five days and he can see the dark circles and the wrinkles on his friends’ faces, he can’t help but look away from them as they went outside the room. The doctor sighed before starting to check his vital signs and had been doing a bunch of weird tests to him that it made him feel a bit groggy, the doctor quickly bid its farewell after getting satisfied on the results that he got. 

But once as his friends arrived, he felt a surge of worry as he saw more people than just Siyeon or Rayoon. As he looked at both of them, the two immediately averted their gaze at him and that confirms that they probably told them his disease.

“Hey, why did you hid it from us?” It was Seyong that broke the silence.

“S-Sorry..” He can’t speak normally because he was still trying to adjust on the thing that was hooked on him.

“No. We’re sorry. I’m sorry..” Seyong said as he clenched his fists “We had been too insensitive, we didn’t notice that you’re suffering and we didn’t even noticed how miserable you probably felt.” 

“I-It's alright..” Junhee said as he tried to smile at them.

“No, everything isn’t alright at all! You don’t deserve to be in this fucking situation! You deserve better than this shitty one!” Seyong screamed as he sat on the couch, “It hurts. As your friends, it hurts to see you in this situation. But it’s better to be aware as soon as possible than to be unaware of it, unaware of the fact that you’ll be... oh fuck. I can’t.. please tell me that there’s still hope. Please tell me that we can do something to cure that fucking disease of yours, we’ll do everything! Junhee, we’ll do everything..”

“I-I’m sorry..” That was it. Seyong can't help but cry once again, he thought that he’ll be strong once Junhee wakes up but seeing him in this situation makes him feel worse.

“Hey, Junhee. It must’ve been tough, eh?” Junhee looked at Sungjun, his expression was calm as he smiled at the younger boy.

“S-Sorry.. you had to witness an another friend in this situation..” Junhee said as he gave him an apologetic look.

Sungjun shook his head, “I’m just happy to be here for my friends. Despite being sad, I feel happy because I’ll be able to support the two of you.”

“There are two kinds of people: Seyong, who starts a dramatic scene that can beat those soap operas and Sungjun, one who starts a heart-warming scenes that can make us forget that someone just lost his shit just in a minute.” Euijin joked as he tried to lighten up the atmosphere and his efforts weren’t wasted as all of them laughed while Seyong gave him a death stare. He made everyone laugh but he’s deadass sure that he’ll be doomed later.

“Seriously, Junhee! All I can say is that we're sorry for not being there whenever you need someone that you can depend on. But hey, starting from now on.. we’ll keep an eye at you! We will be there for you and we’ll make sure that you won’t even be sad even just for a minute!” Euna said as she grinned and held Junhee’s hands “So, don’t ever hide a secret from us. We’re here for you..”

“Thank you.” Junhee said as he looked at Rayoon which was smiling a bit and at Siyeon which was also smiling but he can sense that she was really worried “Rayoon, thank you. Siyeon, thank you.. thanks..”

“Junhee! You dumbass!” It was all that Siyeon could take as she embraced the brunette but she quickly pulled out after realizing that Junhee had been hooked on the devices near him “I'm sorry!”

Junhee chuckles “Now, who's the dumb one now?”

“I hate you.” Siyeon hissed but she smiled as Junhee laughs.

“So, mind telling me what I’ve been missing out?” Junhee asks as they look at Seyong which smirks.

“So, first of all..” Junhee knows that this is going to be a very long conversation especially that Seyong will be the one to initiate it so he braced himself.

 

The day was spent on them talking and hanging out on Junhee’s hospital room as the sixth day of Junhee’s stay in the hospital has ended.

Days passed and he was able to be free again as he was discharged from the hospital but now, he had a lot of people lookung out for him. They agreed not to tell anyone about his disease but they insisted that they should look out for him, but he escaped on them just to do this one thing. To meet a person that was also suffering like him.

Suwoong is a lovely person, he was also good-looking too. Junhee heard about him resembling a ray of sunshine as he influenced other people with his brightness and smile. The boy was smiling as he greeted him with a toothy grin and as he sat on the chair, his smile faded and Suwoong knew that this conversation would be a serious one.

 

“What can I do for you, Junhee hyung?”

“Suwoong, you’re also suffering from Unrequited Love Syndrome. Am I right?” Junhee asks and he saw how Suwoong’s smile faded.

“How did you know?” Suwoong asked as he tilted his head.

“Yuchan told me, he was looking for an advice but unfortunately, the one he was seeking out for that is also suffering from it.” Junhee laughs bitterly as he scratched his nape.

“Y-You too?” Suwoong exclaims as his eyes widened “W-Why and w...who?”

“Sehyoon. And you’re in love with Hangyul, right?”

Suwoong nodded as he smiled bitterly, “It’s tough for the both of us, right?”

“When did you start on suffering that disease?” Junhee asked as he stared at the coffee that he ordered.

“About a month ago? It suddenly happened, I felt so dizzy and sometimes, I would gasp for air. Wonjun hyung was so worried that they dragged me to a hospital and that’s how I knew about it,” Suwoong replied, shoulders were slumped as he pouted and Junhee find him so cute “How about you?”

Junhee inhaled a deep breath and blew out slowly, preparing his response as he kept a deadpan expression “Five years. It’s been five years.”

“What?” Suwoong’s eyes widened as his mouth was wide open “Five years? That’s long!”

“Yes. I know.” Junhee managed to chuckle after seeing Suwoong’s expression.

“I guess that I’ll end up like you soon, right? Unless Hangyul loves me back, perhaps?” Suwoong asks, fidgeting as he looked at Junhee “Hyung, you’ve been through a lot. I’ve read on online sites that some who suffered from this disease prefers to end their life if it lasts for three or more years so hearing this made me so amazed, you’re so amazing!”

“Thank you, I guess?”

“We should hang out sometimes!” Suwoong chirps “Let’s talk more about us and our unrequited love!”

Thie boy isn’t as hyper like Yuchan and Byeongkwan but Junhee knows that he’ll enjoy his company “Sure.”

“You’re friends with Sungjun hyung, right?” Suwoong asked and he nodded, the younger boy nods as he lowered his head “Does he know?”

“Sungjun, Euijin, Siyeon, Yoohyeon, Seyong, Rayoon, Euna and Suji knows about it,” Junhee replied, “I hid it from them but they found out..”

“Sungjun hyung is really a tough fellow,he kept on supporting and helping people like us.” Suwoong said while he held Junhee’s left hand, “So, if you need someone that you can talk to about this disease.. I’m here, hyung. You can talk to me! And besides, we’re friends now!”

“You’re so cheerful.” Junhee stated as he took out his phone, “But sure, I would love to be a friend of one of our school’s prince.”

“Rubin got the 'prince' term on him though.” Suwoong muttered and chuckled while handling his phone to Junhee, “Can I get your number, hyung?”

“Okay.” Junhee typed his number as he saved it as ‘Jun’ on Suwoong’s contacts “There you go.”

“Alright but hyung, I think that you should get a haircut.. would you like to accompany me to the salon?” Suwoong asked as he finished his cup of coffee and scrunched his face, “Blah, this is so bitter.”

Junhee laughed as he finished his own coffee, a bit jealous of the younger boy because he was able to taste it unlike him “I have to pass though.”

“No, you’re coming with me!” Suwoong insists as he dragged Junhee out of the cafe and went to the nearest salon.

“Seriously, kid..” Junhee sighed.

 

 

Junhee ended up on getting a haircut and Suwoong insisted him to dye his hair, he got dragged to a lot of stores as the younger kept on taking pictures of themselves. The younger also offered to accompany him on walking back to his house but as they arrived, a bunch of people seems to be waiting on the gate. Junhee braced himself on what’s about to happen especially that he left his phone at home in purpose.

 

“You are so dead.” Seyong said in a menacingly tone and Junhee gulps.

“Hey, he’s with Suwoong.” Sungjun said as he approached the two “Forget what Seyong said. Anyway, where did you go?”

“We hang out! We had fun!” Suwoong chirps as he raised his hands.

“And he almost used his phone’s storage on taking pictures of himself.” Junhee added.

Sungjun laughs “Well, that's Suwoong. What do you expect?”

“He’s fun to be with..” Junhee responds as he laughed.

“Okay! Junhee’s alright! Let’s go home! Rayoon! Take care of him for us!” Seyong shouted as they bid their farewell and as Sungjun dragged Suwoong with him, scolding him why he didn’t tell that Junhee’s with him.

“Hey.” Junhee looked at Rayoon which seems to be so worried but still kept a smile on his face.

“Hi, Yoon.” Junhee went beside him and smiled back.

Rayoon intertwined their hands “Let’s go inside, Junhee. You’ve made us worried.”

“I’m sorry.” It was all he can say to the younger boy, he felt so sorry for them and for being a burden to them. But he knew that they care.. and that they won’t stop on caring until the end “And thanks.”

“You’re so cute.” Rayoon grins and laughed as he ruffled Junhee’s hair “Blonde looks good on you. Now we also match on our hair color.”

“You dork.” Junhee said as he walked inside and was greeted by his parents.

 

 

He can’t help but feel warm on the way they care for him, he was so thankful of everyone that kept on being strong for him. Especially to Rayoon, the boy had been there for him and was the first person to know what’s been happening to him yet he attached himself to Junhee. If only Junhee didn’t fall for Sehyoon, he would probably fall for the younger. He would fall on the way his eyes crinkle when he smile, the way he intertwine their fingers as if both of them were meant to be and the way he embrace Junhee as if he’ll protect him from any harm. It’s easy to fall for Kim Yoon but Park Junhee fell for somebody else.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

 

 

The rest of their school year has passed with Junhee hanging out with his friends and sometimes, Suwoong managed to drag him so that they could be alone to talk about their sickness. Junhee heard how Hangyul loves his boyfriend while Suwoong was rooting for the both of them and he can see himself on the younger boy, all that matters to them is their loved one’s happiness and everything will be alright. He also noticed how Rayoon had been more affectionate that it made him somehow suffocated by Rayoon’s feelings for him, how he wished that he could fall in love with Rayoon and he tried to. He almost fell for him but as Sehyoon popped out of his mind, everything went blank and Junhee felt so stupid on trying to fool himself. He loves Sehyoon and all of his scars inside and outside, he loves Sehyoon at his worst and best and he loves him since five years ago when he realized that the boy staring at the cherry blossoms in the middle of an abandoned park needs a companion so he reached out to him. He can’t love Rayoon the way that he loves Sehyoon. He just can’t.

 

He also noticed how the four had been distant to him, they still kept on sending messages and never kicked Junhee out of their group chat but Junhee didn’t even message a single one on it ever since he left. He just kept on looking at the messages that the four had shared, silently observing and feeling happy that they’re doing well. He noticed how Sehyoon started to be cheerful and smiled a lot whenever he’s with his friends, he also gained a lot of acquiantances and Junhee felt so proud of him. Sehyoon is finally trying to communicate with other people rather than himself and Byeongkwan had been acknowledge as a great person. Donghun and Yuchan’s doing great while Junhee just watched them from afar, hiding on the corner whenever the boys are performing or some of them were performing with other people. He want to congratulate them and talk to them but whenever he tries to reach out, he held his other hand and stops it. Their bonds had been slowly deattaching just like what Junhee is aiming for and soon, he’ll be forgotten or will just be a bitter memory that they’ll hate. They’re happy right now, they don’t need to be hurt just because of him. He’ll just keep on moving forward, hiding the pain he’s been feeling.

 

And now that they graduated, all of their friends had been weeping about them being separated on each other. Their underclassman friends hugged Siyeon, Euna, Euijin, Junhee, and Sungjun but said harsh remarks on Seyong in a playful way, making the older boy glare at them.

 

“Wow, I feel so loved.” Seyong said and they laughed.

“Just kidding, we’re going to miss you too.” Euna said and they hugged Seyong too.

“But in what school are you planning to enroll for college?” Yoohyeon asked.

“I will be at the same one with these dudes.” Seyong said as he wrapped his arms on Sungjun and Euijin.

“Oh my, Euijin will keep on suffering because of you. Poor him.” 

“Haven’t you forgot that I’m also enrolling on the same school with you guys?” Siyeon said as she raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t worry, we don’t. We’ll be your bodyguards in case that someone tries to flirt you,” Euijin said as he flashed a smile on Siyeon.

“Better take care of Siyeon for me, okay?” Junhee reminds them as he patted Siyeon’s head.

“But where are you going to enroll, Junhee?” Suji asked and all of the attention was focused on him. Junhee’s body stiffened before sighing.

“I.. will not enroll to college.” Junhee admitted and made them gasped in surprised.

“What?” Seyong asked as he put his hands on his waist “Aren’t you aiming to be in the same school with us? You also passed the entrance exam, that is surely going to be a waste!”

“But I can’t go to school anymore.” Junhee said as he averted his eyes on their gaze “I will be bedridden after all of this, it had been hard for me to be outside for a long time. I can’t even taste anything anymore.. sometimes, my legs kept on betraying me and I fall on the ground. I can’t be a burden anymore to all of you, I’d rather stay behind and watch as I kept on rooting on you.”

“Junhee, you were never a burden to us.” Siyeon said in a calm tone and embraced the blonde “You’re our Junhee, our friend that we’ll be taking care of until the end.”

“I’m really thankful of you, guys. Please aim for your dreams in my sake, I could no longer reach for it.” Junhee said as he flashed a toothy grin.

“You punk..” Seyong murmured as he smiled “Of course, we will.”

“We’ll visit you, okay?” Euijin said as he patted Junhee's back.

“Sure.” Junhee replied.

 

 

But in all of the sudden, Euna sobbed and it seems to influence the other as they cried together and hugged each other, almost not wanting to let go of themselves until they saw Donghun was walking on thei direction and they stopped. Looking at the brunette while Seyong was already covering Junhee and glaring, as if he’s ready to attack if something not right is about to happen.

 

 

“Junhee..” Donghun said as he smiled a bit “Can we borrow Junhee for a while?”

“Why would we even do that? Something might happen to him again!” Euna said as she furrowed her eyerbrows.

“It’s alright. I’ll be fine.” All of them looked at Junhee that was wiping his tears as he smiled “Calm down.”

“Remember to run back to us if something happens.” Seyong reminded him.

He chuckled, “Yes, dad.”

“You punk!”

 

Junhee walked beside Donghun which was just smiling until they’ve reached the corner where Sehyoon, Yuchan and Byeongkwan was. Junhee can’t help but gasp as he saw Sehyoon, the boy looks so good on his outfit. And the three of them smiled as they saw Junhee walking in their direction with Donghun, Yuchan dashing to give Junhee a bone-crushing hug and Byeongkwan followed.

 

“Junhee hyung!” Both of them said in unison as they hugged Junhee.

“Okay. Stop it already, I can’t breathe!” Junhee complained.

“We miss you so much, hyung!” Yuchan exclaimed as he hugged Junhee tighter.

“I know. I’m sorry for making you all feel like this..” Junhee said as tried to pull out of the hug.

“Yet you didn’t do a thing or move to make us feel better, what an asshole.” Donghun joked as he scoffed.

“I know and I’m sorry,” Junhee stated as he chuckled.

“How are you?” Byeongkwan asked.

“I’m fine.” But he isn’t, Junhee wanted to scream how much he missed them or how much he wanted them to hold him tight and never let him go until he close his eyes until the end of his life. He wants to cry and tell them how he suffered for them to comfort him but won’t. He can see that they’re happy and he wouldn’t steal that away from them “I’m just fine.”

“That’s good to hear, hyung.” Byeongkwan said as he looked at Sehyoon hyung, “I’ve heard that Sehyoon and Donghun hyung had passed the entrance exam on the same school with you guys.”

“Really? That’s great!” Junhee said as he looked at both of them “You did well. Both of you did well, that’s amazing!”

“I barely even passed.” Sehyoon muttered as he scratched his left cheek, smiling a bit as he heard Junhee's compliment.

“We wanted to be in the same school with you, Junhee. I mean, we took the exam together so ee did our best.” Donghun said as he wrapped his arm on Junhee’s shoulder.

“And after we graduate, we’ll go there too so the five of us can still be together!” Yuchan added.

 

And his smile faded, he wanted to apologize on ruining one of his promises to them. He wanted to stay with them, he wanted to be with them until the end but fate seems to be against everything he wants.

 

“I’m afraid that I won’t be able to be in the same school with you guys.” Junhee said as he gave them an apologetic look “The truth is that my parents are planning to send me on a boarding school and it’s not in Korea so I won’t be able to enroll there.”

“Is that true? But we planned this since we’re in middle school..” He can sense that disappointment in Sehyoon’s voice and he wanted to punch himself on making him disappointed.

“It’s not like we weren’t going to meet each other anymore, when it’s vacation.. I’ll try to hang out with the four of you,” Junhee reassured them and the four seems to be glad to hear about it.

“I’m anticipating for that, Junhee!” Donghun said as he patted the blonde’s back “You better hang out with us if you’re out of that school!”

“I will!” 

“Hyung, look!” Junhee was surprised to see the jar that Yuchan always brings and it’s almost filled with paper cranes as Yuchan held a purple one “This is the 1000th crane that I finished a while ago! I’m going to wait for you and for my wish to come true!”

“You really finished that?” Junhee can’t help but feel so warm and also felt like something broke inside him as he held the purple paper crane in his hands as if it’s a fragile one.

“Yes, I want to show you how determined and desperate I was so I finished it. I want to show you that I want you to be back with us, Junhee hyung.” Yuchan’s stern voice caught him off-guard.

“Wow, our Yuchan’s a big boy now!” Junhee coo-ed as he pinched both of Yuchan’s cheeks as Yuchan smiled “Yet you want me to treat you like a baby sometimes.”

“Of course, Junhee hyung.” Yuchan cheerfully said.

Byeongkwan rolled his eyes, “And here I am, the dongsaeng that he doesn’t treat like a baby.”

“Because you’re a brat, not a baby.” Junhee smirked as he heard Byeongkwan gasped.

“Hey, what was that for?!” Byeongkwan whines and Junhee rolled his eyes.

“See? You’re really a whiny brat.”

“No, I’m not!” Byeongkwan immediately looked at Sehyoon, seeking a companion “Sehyoon, back me up!”

“But you’re really a whiny brat..” Sehyoon admits 

“I can’t believe all of you.” Byeongkwan said as he looked at them in disbelief.

“We’re just kidding, Kwan. Come here,” Junhee said as he called the younger and pinched both of his cheeks and Byeongkwan grinned, feeling contented “You love to be treated like a baby yet you whine like a spoiled brat.”

“Can we stop this and take a picture of us?” Donghun said as he took his phone out, “Better get yourselves ready because we’re taking a lot of photos since this is an important day.”

“Let’s do this!” Byeongkwan chirps as he dragged Sehyoon and Junhee to his side “Smile, okay?”

 

 

Sehyoon and Junhee looked at each other and shook their head as they smiled because of Byeongkwan’s silly yet heartwarming antics. Junhee let himself to be in ease even though he’s with Sehyoon and took a lot of pictures with his friends. He swore that he felt so warm and happy right now that he never want to leave their side, it’s the same feeling whenever he’s with his close friends and he swore that he’ll never forget this at all. 

 

 

 

“Hyung, can I invite you over to the resthouse again?” Yuchan suddenly asked, “I’d like to show you that field of flowers.”

 

 

Junhee wanted to say yes. 

 

 

“If I’m available, then yes.” he said as Yuchan’s expression brightened.

 

 

But he won’t be. He knew that getting Yuchan’s hopes high wouldn’t heal him. He’s slowly getting weak and soon, he’ll be as soggy and immobilized as a vegetable until he’ll breathe his last breathe. Because he’s not going to be okay but seeing Sehyoon’s smiles, he swore himself that his pain is worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, you can talk to me in twt (introvertedriri) and wp (diabolicdeceiver) ^^


	9. • 9 •

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything seems too good to be true. And Junhee's right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i'm sorry for the late update. :< i've been really busy lately and was losing confidence on writing A G A I N. it kept on getting worse and i think that i might stop on writing fics and hide in a cave somehwere :<
> 
>  
> 
> also, sorry for this update. it was supposed to be a long one but i kinda rushed the ending part just like the usual. it's also lame so i would be grateful i'll see a new bunch of comments about this chapter, please comment about it. i'm trying to know what the others are thinking about it : ( also.. @introvertedriri on twitter!~

“Hyung! Hyung!” Junhee opened his eyes and the first that he saw was Byeongkwan, wearing his specs along with his white shirt and his checkered pants.

“What is it?” he asked, rubbing his eyes as he sat from the bed he’s slept at.

“It’s morning! You promised to accompany me on reading a bunch of novels, right? Let’s go! And you’ll love the view, we only have one hour and twenty minutes before the sun rises and I swear that you’ll love it!” Byeongkwan exclaims as he jumped up and down like a kid, holding Junhee’s hands.

“Seriously..” Junhee chuckled as he stand up “Okay, I’ll come but let me take a bath first. I feel so sticky and dirty right now.”

“Just take a quick bath, Junhee hyung! Hurry!” Byeongkwan said as he ran outside his room.

Junhee can't prevent himself from laughing at the younger's silly antics “Seriously, Byeongkwan.”

He looked at his bag and picked a white dress shirt and a pair of black pants as he went inside the bathroom, taking a quick bath just like what Byeongkwan said as he wore the clothes before looking at the mirror. Frowning a bit when he noticed how pale and thin he was but forced a smile as if it’s necessary at all while nodding.

“You can do it.” Junhee says as he raised both of his fists before going outside of the bathroom, seeing Byeongkwan with his arms crossed while tapping his feet as if he's already impatient on Junhee being late.

“It’s about time!” Byeongkwan said, frowning as he pouted.

“Sorry, kiddo. Let’s go now.” Junhee said as he smiled.

“Yes. So, let’s hurry!” 

He let himself get dragged by the younger male until they've arrived the room filled with cacti and other plants. The carpet was beside the large glass window and there were books around it, Junhee saw two mugs and he assumed that the younger had prepared for this one and it made him ruffle the boy’s tangerine hair.

“E for effort. I guess.” 

“What? Just an E?! This deserves an A!” Byeongkwan protests.

“E because the books were scattered.” Junhee reasoned out.

“Just because of that?!” Byeongkwan looked at Junhee in disbelief, “I can’t believe you at all! At least rank it as a B or C!”

“Nah. It’s E.” Junhee said as he walked to the carpet and sat, laughing as Byeongkwan kept on whining.

“I picked out the books that you might like so feel free to pick one out as we read!” Byeongkwan said as he flashed out a toothy grin.

“You’re so cute, Byeongkwanie~” Junhee coo-ed as he pinched both of Byeongkwan’s cheeks, the younger smiling wide as he enjoys being complimented by his hyung “But Yuchan’s cuter.”

“Hey! What does that mean?!” Byeongkwan said as he puffed his cheeks.

“Well, Yuchan isn’t that noisy. And Yuchan is an obedient boy, I love obedient people.”

“You love them because you can order them around anytime and anywhere.”

“Indeed.”

“So you just admitted that you’re somehow an asshole?” Byeongkwan asks.

“Probably.” Junhee just shrugs.

He looked at the books and nodded in amusement, Byeongkwan did a great job picking them out. He picked one and Byeongkwan immediately pick an another book as the two of them started to read, he kept on stealing glances of the  tangerine-haired boy and he can’t help but shook his head while smiling as Byeongkwan furrowed his eyebrows and it seems that he can’t understand what he’s currently reading. 

Byeongkwan is not great at reading, he’s a good listener but he’s bad at reading. He prefers story telling than reading stories, he wants to listen on the storyteller’s way of explaining and telling about the story. He can’t help but put his book down which caught Byeongkwan’s attention and made him stopped reading the book.

“Hyung, why?” he asked, lips had been quavering as he gulped.

“Can you understand what you’re reading? You looked like you’re having a hard time with it.” Junhee stated.

Byeongkwan laughs as he averted his gaze from the blonde-haired boy “What are you t-talking about,hyung? I’m doing just fine.”

“Seriously? Just tell me. I won’t be mad or anything, I thought that we should be true to ourselves today? This is a special day, right?” Junhee said while giving him a reassuring smile.

“You got me there, hyung.” Byeongkwan chuckled nervously as he pouted “Actually, I can understand it but my head hurts from reading. I am not fond of reading stuff, hyung..”

“Let me read it for you.” Junhee suggested.

Byeongkwan widened his eyes and shook his head, “No! You’re enjoying that book you’re reading, I can handle this!”

“No, Byeongkwan. I’ll read it for you. I insist.” Junhee said as he smiled again, Byeongkwan was hesitating at first but he let Junhee take the book from his grasp but Junhee can sense that he feels bad because his efforts were ruined just because of his difficulty in reading.

“Sorry, hyung.”

Junhee laughs as he shook his head “You don’t need to apologize, I enjoy reading a lot of books. I can read that later or probably read it on online sites, don’t feel bad about it.”

“But you were enjoying it! You’re being selfless again, I guess that I failed on trying to make you enjoy this day and depended on you again.” Byeongkwan scratched his left cheek as he looked away.

“Seriously. There’s no need to apologize, Byeongkwan. Just listen at my voice and enjoy it,” Junhee said as he took a pillow and gave it to Byeongkwan who gave him a confused look “You can lie down as I read this novel. Come on!”

“Wow, this is just like telling a bedtime story to a child!” Byeongkwan’s eyes sparkled as he grinned, making Junhee sigh in relief as the negative vibes from the tangerine-haired boy had disappeared “Okay, mom!”

“I’m not your mom!” Junhee retorts.

“But you act like one!” Byeongkwan chirps as he lied down on the carpet but instead of using the pillow, he rested his head on Junhee’s lap as he hugged the pillow while facing on the glass window.

“Seriously!” Junhee laughs as Byeongkwan just grinned at him.

He opened the book and started to read it for the younger boy, it was a short one—a story with six chapters and it’s about love. It’s a tragedy, it’s about unrequited love that made the male protagonist to be selfless as he looked at the female protagonist being happy with an another man. The male had been smiling, he kept on smiling at them and even at the female’s wedding, he kept his smile. It wasn’t actually a tragedy but for Junhee, it is one. He somehow winced as he finished the book, feeling a bit uncomfortable with the storyline. Somehow getting hit at his weak points when the male protagonist had been rooting for the other man just to make his beloved one happy, even doing risky things for her despite having a bunch of consequences for it. He can’t help but relate on the protagonist but his thoughts were shaken off as he heard Byeongkwan gasped.

“Hyung! Look!” He put the book down and looked at the direction where Byeongkwan was pointing at.

“Wow.” He saw the run rises and as the skies changed its color, he saw how the clouds had been moving as the red ball of fire had rose from the east.

“It’s beautiful, right?” Byeongkwan asks.

“Beautiful is an understatement.” Junhee said as he laughed, “Thank you for letting me see such a magnificent view. Too bad that my phone’s not with me.”

“You don’t need to capture a picture of it, it’s better to witness it and just remember.” Byeongkwan said as he looked at Junhee “Thank you for reading the book for me.”

“I enjoyed reading it anyway. How’s the story for you?” he asks.

“The boy’s an idiot, being too selfless just for love is unhealthy. He kept on doing risky things for her, don’t he even care for himself? Does he love her? I’m doubting it, because in order to love someone.. you should love yourself first. How can you give such a genuine affection to someone when you don’t recognize it that well?” Byeongkwan said as he crossed his arms “But he was a kind-hearted person, he doesn’t deserve that kind of pain. He deserves better than that, maybe someday.. the girl that is meant to be will be there for him. Just because that's the ending doesn't mean that it’s over for him, it’s just an ending of one of the things he experienced. That end  can also be the key for the new beginning where he might find the one that’s for him, it can happen. Not because the author ended it this way doesn’t mean that there's nothing we can do about it! We can imagine! Imagine a new begininng! Imagine a new page of his life, a new one where he’ll get his happy ending!”

“How optimistic,” Junhee says as he ruffled the boy’s hair again.

“Of course!” Byeongkwan yawned in all of the sudden, “But I’m getting a bit drowsy.”

“It can’t be helped. It’s only 6 A.M. and we woke up too early. You can take a nap for a while.” Junhee said as he gave the younger a reassuring smile.

“Okay..” Byeongkwan smiles as he closed his eyes.

Junhee observed the younger boy as he quickly drifted to his dreamland and he chuckled, the younger was too bright and adorable. He can’t help but feel jealous on how the boy shines too bright that he became Sehyoon’s sun but he’s also proud because he had been tough and happy. After a while, he took an another pillow beside him and carefully raised Byeongkwan’s head and moved as he carefully put the pillow under the younger’s head and stood up. He’s going to roam around the mansion for a while so he left the room quietly as he started to walked around.

The house was a wide two-storey one with a large backyard, there are so many rooms that Junhee wonders how rich Yuchan’s family is to afford a wide resthouse just like this. But he stopped when he saw a dance studio and smiled as he entered it. He looked at the mirror and he felt a bit lonely when he saw no one beside himself so he just opened the window and enjoyed the air coming from outside.

And he danced, he danced as he heard the air blowing throughout the area, the chirping of the birds and on the other things that he hear as he kept on moving his body. Despite not having an actual music for his dance, he still kept on dancing. Because he believed that dancing is about moving your body through the beat or sound, and any kind of sounds can be considered as music just like the blowing of air does. He just kept on dancing, dancing as if his life depended on it as he pour all of his emotions out on the way he moves his body.

And when he stopped, he heard someone clapped and his attention went on the black-haired boy wearing a white t-shirt and a striped cardigan. Sehyoon was smiling as he clapped on the brunette while walking to his side, Junhee sighed as he braced himself on what’s about to happen.

“That was great.” Sehyoon said.

Junhee smiles “Thanks, hyung.”

“Can I drag you to a closet once again? Let’s talk?” Sehyoon asked, fidgeting as he looked away on Junhee.

Junhee wanted to punch himself because Sehyoon is too cute and if he can’t supress his emotions, he would be in danger “Sure, Sehyoon hyung.”

“Thank you.” Sehyoon smiled and Junhee really wants to punch himself.

They walked quietly as they entered the room filled with closets and entered the middle one where they hid during that time when they ‘kidnapped’ Junhee. There was nothing but the defeaning silence and Junhee waited for Sehyoon to start speaking until the black-haired male opened his mouth.

“Junhee, I’m scared.” Sehyoon said as he bit his lower lip and lowered his head “I don’t know why but these days, I’ve been scared. I’m scared of not seeing all of you, I’m scared that all of you might leave me in all of the sudden. I’m scared that I have to go back on my former self.. and I don’t want that to happen, I’m so terrified.”

“Go on.”

“So I tried to do my best, I tried to be more happy and cheerful but pretending it makes me feel suffocated and I'm afraid that I might not take it anymore and burst my true emotions out. I’m afraid that they’ll see how pitiful and miserable I am and they might.. they might leave me, I don’t want that to happen at all.” Sehyoon added as he grabbed a fistful of his hair, pulling it as he felt a bit of pain on what he’s doing “I’m afraid that they might realize how ugly am I and how broken I was before..”

Junhee just nods and Sehyoon continued “But I want to stay, I want to be with them. I want to be selfish and attach myself to them, maybe because I want to feel loved and to love someone else. And also, maybe because I am still trying to fix myself and they’re my remedy. I want to stay yet I’m afraid of what are they thinking about me, and what if they’ll get tired of me and my gloomy self? Will they leave me? Will they ignore my existence because I can't be as happy as them?”

“I don’t know what to do anymore, the voices.. the voices that I hear kept on laughing, scoffing, mocking and shouting at me and I can’t fight it anymore. I felt like I’m being consumed by the darkness as I try to fight against it, making me realize that fighting isn’t worth it and might as well, give up on it. They’re right. I’m just a pitiful boy that kept on depending on others, I’m not even a good-looking or an intelligent one, I’m bad at socializing and even just prolonging a simple conversation. I’m scared.. I want to disappear and never appear in anyone’s eyes again.  I want the voices to stop and the pain to end.. I want to di—” That’s it. Junhee doesn’t want to hear what’s Sehyoon is about to say and hugged him, he knew how Sehyoon always yearned for affection—for someone to hold him dear and for someone to look at him with such loving eyes.

“No, Sehyoon hyung. No. No one is going to leave you, we’re always here for you..” Junhee reassured him as he took Sehyoon's hands away from his hair and held it tight “I really wish that you could see how beautiful you are, and how you shine so bright whenever you smile. I wish that you’ll be able to overcome the voices in your head and prove them wrong, prove them that you’re way better than what they’re actually describing you. You’ve been tough for a long time, Sehyoon hyung and I’m so proud of you.”

“But I kept on doing mistakes and I’m afraid of letting out my true emotions.” Sehyoon murmured.

“People like us have our own flaws, we just have to accept them and if it’s possible.. we should improve but you, you don’t need to change at all. You’re perfect in our eyes and your flaws makes us see you as your own, as our friend.. Sehyoon. So don’t change yourself and just stay as you are, just let the others hear about your opinions and supressed emotions so that they could understand you too. Don’t be afraid of saying it out loud, Sehyoon.” Junhee said in a calm tone as he kept on holding Sehyoon’s hands, rubbing circles at the back of it to ease the older male’s emotions “You’ll be okay soon, just hang in there.. just depend on us more and more. Just stay with us and everything will be alright.”

“But are you going to stay with us?” Junhee gulped when Sehyoon looked directly at him, his eyes seems to bore holes at Junhee’s face but the blonde kept a deadpan expression “Your words wouldn’t mean anything if you’re going to leave, Junhee. Your words wouldn’t even matter if you can’t do the same.”

“Are saying that to make me stay?” Junhee asked and Sehyoon nodded, the blonde chuckled at his hyung’s honesty “I might not hang out with all of you that often but I’m always here, I wasn’t gone.. I’m just a few miles away from all of you but if you need me, I’ll do everything to be by your side anytime.. anywhere..”

“You promise that?” Sehyoon asked.

“I do.” Junhee smiled despite feeling like he was stabbed a lot of times when Sehyoon smiled at him. This is going to be one of his promised that he won’t be able to make but he’ll just have to lie for now. He wants to see their smiles and to witness how happy they were.

“Junhee.. I owe you everything, thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for approaching me on that park and thank you for not giving up on me..” Sehyoon murmured as he looked at Junhee and smiled a bit.

“How can I ignore you, hyung? How can I ignore such a beautiful person like you?” Junhee asked as he remembered how Sehyoon looked so sad yet he still looks as beautiful as he can be.

“I’m not beautiful at all, Junhee.” Sehyoon muttered as he lowered his head and shook it “I’m not.”

“Yes, you are..” Junhee stated while still holding Sehyoon’s hands “You’re beautiful and it’s true, I would never get tired of saying how beautiful you are.”

 

And no one said a thing, Junhee kept on smiling as he assured Sehyoon that he’s telling the truth. He kept on holding Sehyoon’s hands as the older male kept silent. They stayed like that for a while before Sehyoon suddenly opened the closet.

“I think that we’ve talked enough for now, Junhee. Thank you for listening.” Sehyoon said and he helped the blonde to stand up and get out of the huge closet “Talking to you is definitely the best.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Sehyoon hyung.” Junhee said and he is indeed glad to listen on Sehyoon and make sure that he isn’t keeping all those destructive thoughts to himself.

“Do you know where Byeongkwan is?” Sehyoon asked.

Junhee smiles “He’s at that room filled with cacti.”

“I see. He fell asleep because he woke up a bit early?”

“Affirmative.”

“He’s so silly.” Sehyoon said and chuckled silently as Junhee watched him, smiling also with just seeing Sehyoon being happy.

“You should get your boyfriend there, Sehyoon hyung.” Junhee said as he waved his left hand “I’ll be roaming around for a while.”

“Okay then, Junhee. Be back for breakfast, okay?” 

“Sure.”

Hand in hand, both of them went outside of the room but as they stepped outside, their hands left each other as they walked on different directions. Junhee felt a bit sad for the lost of contact but kept on walking, he shouldn’t been thinking about it. He should enjoy this day.

He kept on walking until he went inside the attic but he was surprised when he saw Donghun outside, lying down at the roof. He felt a bit scared because the brunette might fall and he was mesmerized, Donghun looked like he was sparkling as the sunlight kiss his skin. He opened the window and Donghun got surprised as he looked at the blonde.

“You’re awake.”

Junhee nodded as he went beside Donghun “Yes.”

“Aren’t you afraid? It’s quite high.” Donghun asked as he waited for the younger’s response.

“No.” Junhee shook his head and looked at the azure sky “I’m not. I was a bit curious though, what does it feel to be falling from here down to the ground? Will it be fast? Or will it be a slow one?”

“Hey! Don’t think like that, you sound like a suicidal kid! No one’s falling, okay?” Donghun said then he flicked Junhee’s forehead.

The blonde winced as he touched his forehead, “I’m not suicidal at all. I’m just curious!”

“But still, I don’t want anyone to talk like that!” Donghun said, sighing before looking up the skies.

“Fine, Donghun hyung.” Junhe muttered before taking a deep breathe and feeling a bit comfortable as if the wind was singing a lullaby for him which made him a bit drowsy

“It’s comfortable sleeping here but it’s dangerous, Junhee.” Donghun said while shaking Junhee’s body “If you want to sleep, go back to your room.”

“I’m not going to sleep here, I’m just lying down. With you.” Junhee retorts as he smiled.

“I bet that the view’s beautiful here when the skies are clear and we can see how naked the sky was, showing us different constellations and the stars,” Donghun stated as he raised his right hand as if he’s reaching out the sky “But the view is still beautiful right now, the clouds so fluffy and the temperature isn’t that hot.”

“I know, it’s really comfortable here and the sky is too beautiful. I wonder.. is heaven hidden somewhere beneath the clouds?” Junhee asks, thinking about the heaven “What does it looks like? Is it beautiful?”

“I don’t know, it’s not like we’re going to die early. We seem to be quite healthy.” Donghun stated, grinning as he glanced at Junhee “And no one seems to be saying farewell soon despite you being a bit sickly nowadays.”

Donghun kept on talking as Junhee listened, though his mind seems to be somewhere else. He can't stop thinking about what Donghun said and realized that he made the best decision. He wondered if they knew that he was dying, would they do something to prevent it? Even if it costs Byeongkwan and Sehyoon’s happiness? Even if they might separate and their friendship gets ruined? He wonder what will Yuchan do if he knew that it was Sehyoon, he would probably hate Sehyoon too and he won’t listen to Junhee anymore. Byeongkwan would be devastated, all of his hard work was ruined and his relationship with Sehyoon might be ruined. Donghun would be furious too and he would probably blame Sehyoon but he won’t hate him, Donghun isn’t like that. And Sehyoon, just thinking of how Sehyoon would react is making Junhee feel like he was being stabbed a lot of times. Sehyoon will blame himself, will keep on apologizing on Junhee because he knows that Sehyoon will never fall for someone like him, and those voices that kept on annoying him.. they’ll keep on tormenting the black-haired male and Junhee is aware of what might Sehyoon do. 

He made the right decision and there’s no turning back anymore, he can only pray for his friends to be healthy and happy. He won’t leave them, he will just cease to exist but he knows that he won’t fade away, he will be remembered by them. Even Rayoon, he would be remembered by them and he won’t fade. He’ll still be there, in their memories and heart. He’ll stay there until the day comes that they’ll be meeting each other once again.

“Junhee, you stupid fuck.” Junhee snapped back to reality when he heard Donghun’s harsh remark “You weren’t even listening to me.”

Junhee smirks, looking away as he feign innocence “Oh, sorry. My bullshit filter was currently on so I can’t hear you talking shit again.”

“You know that I won’t even hesistate on beating the shit out of you, right?” Donghun said, giving a terrifying smile and Junhee gulped.

“And I know that you won’t do that, Donghun hyung. You love me~” Junhee says, eyebrows kept on waggling and playfully nudged his shoulder.

“You should be thankful that I’m not in the mood to fight and roast your miserable ass.” Donghun said as he stretched his body “Let’s go inside, I’ll prepare breakfast now. Where’s Byeongkwan? He’s my partner on cooking.”

“Probably asleep. But Sehyoon might have woke him up by now.” Junhee said as he crawled into the window and entered it, “Donghun hyung, let’s go.”

Donghun nods as he followed Junhee, both of them going on different direction as Junhee went to the backyard but he was surprised to see the youngest one, lying down on a long bench while reading a book as a large Golden Retriever was lying on the bermuda grass which seems to be comfortable and a bit asleep.

“Good morning, sunshine.” Junhee greeted the youngest and pats his head.

Yuchan, startled by the older and put his book down “Oh, Junhee hyung.”

“You seem to be in a good mood, you were almost shining so bright.” Junhee said as Yuchan sat.

“Indeed! Because you’re here with us!” Yuchan chirps as he patted the empty space on the bench “Come here, hyung.”

“How cute.” Junhee murmured and sat beside the boy that was smiling at him.

“The weather’s nice, right? It isn’t too hot yet it isn’t too cold,” Yuchan said while closing the book he’s holding and put it at his lap.

Junhee nods, looking at the skies once again “I agree. But Yuchan, what are we going to do today?”

“Aside from taking all of you to the field with flowers and stargazing, I don’t know. I guess we’ll enjoy our day just like any usual days that we have?” Yuchan said, tilting his head a bit as he looked at the blonde.

“Eh?! You haven’t planned anything at all?!” Junhee gasped but he was surprised when the dog opened its eyes and barked at him “Yuchan! The dog!”

“She’s nice, hyung. Don’t worry about her at all, she won’t bite. She’s probably saying hi to you.” Yuchan said as he kneel on the ground and pat the dog which seems to like what Yuchan is doing “There, there. Don’t scare Junhee hyung, Choice. He’s a good hyung.”

“Choice?” Junhee asked as he looked at Yuchan and the dog.

Yuchan nods, hugging the dog while looking at Junhee “Her name is Choice! She’s a two years old Golden Retriever, I bought her during Christmas with Donghun hyung.”

“So, she’s at the pet store?” 

“Yes. But unfortunately, no one wants to buy a grown up dog. But she isn’t that old yet people kept on looking for puppies and she was neglected, I saw her sad look when a couple preferred to buy a puppy instead of her being cheerful to them and doing her best to get their attention.” Yuchan said while he smiled bitterly and kept on patting the dog “She looked so lonely and it somehow hurts me to see her like that so I dragged Donghun hyung and went to her side, she suddenly became cheerful and tried to play with me for a while. Leaving her in the pet store would break my heart so I bought her, I was glad to see her barking cheerfully and she walked beside me. It was really a heartwarming scene!”

“You did the right thing, Yuchan. You’ve adopted her and made her feel like she belongs somewhere,” Junhee stated in a soft tone while crossing his arms “But are you taking care of it well?”

Yuchan nodded, “Yes! She’s actually staying at Sehyoon and Donghun hyung’s apartment.”

“Oh, they live together now?” Junhee asked.

“Yes, it’s actually an apartment with five rooms. It’s a huge one and we live there! Our parents agreed to let us stay together even though me and Byeongkwan haven’t graduated yet!” Yuchan beamed and smiled at Choice which seems to be looking at the boy as she nuzzled on his hand, enjoying the way Yuchan pats her “It feels a bit incomplete though, we actually planned it to avail an apartment with five rooms since we thought that you’ll be staying with us. Guess that we’re wrong. What a pity.”

“Sorry about that,” Junhee mutters  feeling a bit guilty for making them disappointed and sad “But I can visit you anytime when I’m free. Even though it’s only the summer vacation, sem-break and Christmas vacation. I’ll try to visit the four of you so you wouldn’t visit me that much.”

“Really, hyung?” Junhee felt worse for making Yuchan hope for him to visit them but he wants to spoil the younger and to make him smile so he nodded and Yuchan’s smile went wider “I’ll be looking forward to it!”

 

“You better be.” Junhee said as he went beside Yuchan and patted the dog which looked at him and barked “She’s so cheerful.”

“I know right! Choice’s an energetic girl!” Yuchan beams.

“But she looked a bit filthy, what is she doing?” Junhee asked as he tilted his head.

Yuchan seems to be surprised as he chuckled “She must’ve been digging around.”

“So when are you planning to give her a bath?” Junhee asked and looked at Choice.

“Later.” Yuchan replied.

“I’ll help you,” Junhee said as he grinned.

Yuchan nods, “Okay, hyung. But for now, we need to eat our breakfast. Byeongkwan hyung must’ve been cooking for us now.”

“Let’s go.”

 

As Junhee walked along with Yuchan until they’ve arrived at the dining room, the three were already there as if they’re waiting for Yuchan and Junhee to come. The two apologized for being late and they started to eat, Byeongkwan initiating a conversation which Junhee immediately responded until all of them had been talking, they kept on talking until they realized that they’ve already finished eating and since it was Donghun’s turn to wash the dishes. The four had excused themselves as they’ve went at the backyard to meet Choice which had been covered with dirt and it looked at them as if it’s happy to see them.

“I think that it’s time for your little girl to take her bath,” Junhee said as she looked at Yuchan.

“I know.” Yuchan said as she went to get the hose on the other side of the yard.

“So, I’ll be the bait for Choice? Again?” Byeongkwan asked and sighed “It’s always me.”

“Choice seems to be fond of you when you scream like a girl.” Sehyoon said and he chuckled while smiling at Byeongkwan.

“I can’t believe all of you,” Byeongkwan muttered as he puffed his cheeks, “Here goes nothing.”

 

Byeongkwan squealed and Choice looked at him so he started to run into Yuchan’s direction and the dog chased him, Yuchan took the opportunity and opened the faucet but unfortunately, the water landed on Byeongkwan which was already soaked while Choice was still dry, the dog seems to think that they’re probably playing around. Sehyoon and Junhee looked at each other and nodded, understanding that they’ll be cornering the dog but as they went to the dog, Yuchan had tyrn the hose on their direction and both of them got soaked with water as Yuchan chuckled.

 

“Yuchan, what the heck?!” Byeongkwan said and glared at the youngest.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to do it.” Yuchan responds as he laughed.

“Oh really?” Junhee smirks as he ran to the youngest’s direction, “That doesn’t sound so true.”

“N-No,hyung! You’re already soaked, don’t come near me!” Yuchan whines 

Junhee laughed in a menacingly say “Prepare yourself, Kang Yuchan!”

“Oh my god! Donghun hyung, help me!” Yuchan screamed and in a few seconds, Donghun was running as he looked at the younger with a worried expression.

“What’s happ—” Donghun didn’t even manage to finish what he’s saying when Yuchan had turn th hose on his direction and he was soaked wet just like the other three.

“Oops.” Yuchan said as he feign innocence and smiled.

“You did that on purpose,” Donghun said as he looked at the others “The maknae had been a bit too much, prepare for your hyungs’ wrath!”

“W-Wait, hyung. I’m just playing around.” Yuchan tried to find an escape route but the four had cornered him so he gulped “Hyung, I’m sorry.”

“What a naught maknae~” Junhee says in a playful tone.

 

Yuchan just screamed when the four had wrestled him, causing the hose to land on their side, soaking them and Yuchan screamed, trying to get out of his hyungs’ grasp but they kept on holding him until he was really wet and they let him go. Yuchan pouted as Sehyoon immediately hugged Choice so they gave her a quick bath before letting her to dry herself by running around. Junhee can’t prevent himself on laughing on Yuchan’s reaction while Byeongkwan and Donghun was giving him a look of mischief and Sehyoon was chuckling.

“I can’t believe all of this.” Yuchan muttered.

Donghun laughs, “Well, you started this.”

“But how are we going to go on that field of flowers later? We’re all wet now.” Yuchan said as he looked at Junhee.

“We’ll change our clothes, obviously.” Junhee said in a bored tone and shrugs.

“Chan is kind of dumb sometimes.” Byeongkwan said as he snickered.

“While you’re dumb all of the time?” Yuchan retorts and Donghun looked so proud of Yuchan being savage.

“Let’s stop this already, we need to change our outfits as soon as possible. We don’t want to get sick,right?” Junhee asks and the four of them nodded, “Let’s go.”

“Wait, let's have a match. The last one to  finish on changing his clothes will treat us our breakfast tomorrow!” Byeongkwan said as he looked at the others, “Isn’t that great?”

“It seems okay to me.” Donghun said and smirked, “But are you sure that you’re going to join this? You’re always losing on every bet and match that we have.”

“Sorry to tell you about this but I’m really fast on changing my clothes.” Byeongkwan said as he put his hands on his waist while looking at them with a smug expression “Expect the unexpected.”

“Whatever.” Donghun muttered before rolling his eyes on a different direction.

“The last one’s gonna treat us breakfast!” Yuchan chirps as he dashed back on the resthouse.

“Hey! I haven’t even said ‘Go’!” Byeongkwan whines as he ran back.

 

The five of them ran to their rooms and immediately change their clothes, Donghun was the first one to finish on changing his clothes with a gray sweater and a pair of checkered pants. Yuchan comes next with a blue-green sweater with a collar and a pair of checkered pants which Donghun chuckled—it was the pants that they bought together when they were strolling at a mall a few weeks ago. Sehyoon went outside as he fixed his striped sweater and looked down at his jeans, the three of them are anticipating on who’s going to be the unfortunate one that will have to treat them for breakfast tomorrow. But the fourth door opened and showed Junhee wearing a white t-shirt with a light blue dress shirt and the red pants that he just snatched on his closet.

 

“Ha! I told you that I’m not going to lose because I’m quite fast on changi—” Byeongkwan looked surprised and it turned into a dumbfounded expression as he scowled whilefixing his striped t-shirt and adjusting his checkered pants “Damn it.”

“And just like any usual days of our circle of friends, Byeongkwan kept on losing at every single bets and match that we have.” Junhee said as Sehyoon chuckled on what he said

“Looks like someone’s gonna be broke,” Donghun stated in a menacingly way.

“Oh my god.” Byeongkwan looks so terrified and sighed, “Fine.”

“Don’t worry, Byeongkwan hyung. We’ll eat well!” Yuchan said in a cheerful tone and raised his hands.

“Hoping that the four of you would choke.” Byeongkwan muttered before pouting “Why do I always lose?”

“Don’t ask us how unlucky you are on stuff like these.” Donghun said while scoffing.

“So, what about the field of flowers thingy now?” Donghun asked then glanced at his tall boyfriend, “Yuchan, are we going there already?”

“Wait for me in the van, Donghun hyung! Take them to the van, I’ll just bring some stuff with us!” Yuchan said as he ran.

“What?” Junhee asks, tilting his head in confusion.

Donghun shrugs, “He said to take the four of you on the van already, so let’s go.”

“I wonder what’s in that field. I bet that it’s beautiful!” Byeongkwan said as he looked at his boyfriend, “Sehyoon hyung! I bet that it’s going to be a beautiful place.”

Sehyoon smiled and embraced the tangerine-haired boy, “Indeed.”

“Stop being lovey-dovey and move.” Junhee said while he glared at them in a playful way.

“You’re just jealous because you don’t have Yoon here with you!” Byeongkwan retorts.

Junhee rolled his eyes, “Whatever. Just hurry up.”

 

As the four of them went to the van, they waited for the youngest and in a few minutes, the tall brunette was holding a box and put it on the back side of the van before going at the passenger seat next to Donghun, which was their driver for now.

“What’s in it?” Byeongkwan asked, eyes scanning the box in its very corner.

“That will be a secret.” Yuchan said and placed his index finger on the middle of his lips.

“I hate secrets.” Byeongkwan said as he scoffed, “Some of them can hurt us despite some can make us cry in joy.”

“But there are various reasons why secrets were made.” Junhee said while tapping Byeongkwan, “Some might be confusing but if someone is hiding a secret from you, you should respect their decision.”

“Well, you’re right.” Byeongkwan stated while scratching his nape, “How far was that field of flowers?”

“About a thirty-minute ride from the resthouse.” Yuchan replies, smiling at Byeongkwan “You’re going to love the whole place.”

 

 

So Junhee just stared on the window, admiring the trees and plants that he sees while Donghun kept on driving. And after a while, the trees were gone and all they can see was a wide field that was filled by flowers and there were some trees but all that Junhee can see was the flowers and how beautiful they look.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Yuchan asks but nobody responded, all of them were in awe while looking at the wonderful scenery around them.

“Seriously, this place is like paradise!” Byeongkwan said as he took his phone out, “I swear that I’m going to take a lot of pictures!”

“Thank you for bringing us here, Yuchan.” Yuchan smiled when Donghun said that in a soft tone before pecking on the younger’s cheek.

“Well, I promised to take you in here.” Yuchan said as he pointed at a large tree, “Stop right now! We’ll be resting over there.”

 

 

As the car stopped, Byeongkwan immediately ran out of the vehicle and walked around the flowers, smiling as ushered the others to follow him. Sehyoon just shook his head while smiling as he went beside his lover while th other three silently followed Sehyoon. Junhee feels so clear and happy, the place was too beautiful and the fact that he’s seeing it with the four of them makes it more special than it is.

 

“Let’s take a lot of pictures!” Byeongkwan said to Junhee as he clinged on the blonde boy.

Junhee chuckled and ruffled Byeongkwan’s hair, making the boy giggle with the sudden skinship “Sure, Kwan.”

“Then let’s go over there!” Byeongkwan cheerfully said as he dragged Junhee into the part where a lot of sunflowers was planted “Oh wow, it’s so pretty. The sunflowers matches your hair color too, Junhee hyung. You look so beautiful right now!”

“Stop teasing me, you prick. As if that’s true.” Junhee said as he rolled his eyes before kneeling beside the sunflowers “Besides, the one that looks beautiful right now is you. As if you completely blend with the whole scenery, you're like the sun that shines above the skies and these flowers.”

“Is Junhee hyung saying that I’m like the sun? Because I shine so brightly?” Byeongkwan said  while grinning “Am I that lovely,hyung?”

“No, I meant that you’re an ultraviolet ray and I need to stay away from you,” Junhee said in a sarcastic way.

Byeongkwan pouted, “Hey, what is that supposed to mean?!”

 

 

 

Junhee looked around and saw Donghun and Sehyoon trying out those skateboards that Yuchan brought, he saw how Donghun was teaching the black-haired boy and how Sehyoon finally learned how to ride on it, seeing Sehyoon’s contented expression made him smile a bit. He saw how Sehyoon was enjoying it as they kept on going around and around the road since there wasn’t a lot of vehicles that drove around this area, they have the whole place to them. But Junhee got surprised when Yuchan had finished setting up a mini-pool but instead of having water in it, it was filled by a lot of balls.

 

 

“What the heck is that?” Junhee muttered.

“Hyung! Eyes on me! You have to take a picture of me here!” Byeongkwan screamed as he waved his hands.

Junhee looked at the younge and sighed, holding Byeongkwan’s phone as he looked at him “Okay, okay!”

 

Byeongkwan smiled as Junhee took a lot of pictures of him, he also offered on taking a lot of pictures for Junhee. But after a few minutes, the four of them were called by Yuchan and all of them got mixed reactions on what they’re seeing. A mini-pool that barely fits three adults in it filled with balls.

 

“What are we? Ten?” Junhee mumbled.

Yuchan grinned as if he's proud of his work “On the scale of one to ten on being the best? Yes.”

“Seriously, we're not even kids.” Donghun said, scowling as he looked at the pool.

Yuchan pouted, “Is my idea a bad one?”

“No, it wasn’t but it doesn’t fit for teenagers like us,” Sehyoon replies as he ruffled the youngest's hair “Why did you brought this?”

“Well, I thought that we’ll enjoy playing around. I just thought that I should bring these stuff.” Yuchan responded as he kept on fidgeting.

Byeongkwan sighed and smiled a bit, “Since it’s here, let’s just play around here.”

“I could film all of us,” Donghun volunteered, holding his digicam and showed it to them.

Sehyoon clasped his hands and nods, “That’s a great idea, Donghun hyung. We’ll have a remembrance of this day with that!”

“Let’s do that!” Byeongkwan agreed as he kept on nodding.

“Okay, just stop nodding your head again and again.” Donghun said as he opened the cam, “Now, do your own shitty stuff and I’ll film all of you.”

“Language, Donghun.” Junhee said in a stern voice.

“It’s fucking Hangul, Junhee.” Donghun said as he smirked, making Junhee scoff.

 

 

Junhee walked around until he saw a bunch of flowers and he can’t help but pick a lot of them as he made four flower crowns, being proud when he saw his final work. He made sure to pick a bunch of special flowers to convey his true feelings since he couldn’t speak about it. He’d rather tell it to them indirectly by these flowers that he picked, no one would think about it too much. He went back near the mini-pool and saw Sehyoon was sitting as he looked around, he have a smile on his face and his eyes seems to be sparkling as it indulge the beautiful scenery that it’s seeing right now. But this is one of the most beautiful scene that Junhee saw in his whole life, seeing Sehyoon contented and happy with his life. It's enough for Junhee to endure everything without regretting it.

 

“Here.” Sehyoon was surprised when he felt something soft was placed on his head and looked at Junhee which was smiling at him.

“A flower crown?” Sehyoon asks and Junhee nods, he took it off for a while and saw a bunch of random flowers in it.

“What do you think about it?” Junhee asked.

Sehyoon smiled as he wear it again and looked at Junhee, “It’s wonderful, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Junhee stated in a calm tone as he smiled back at Sehyoon, “I’m glad that you’ve like it.”

“Of course, I would be grateful on everything that you give to me.” Sehyoon said, “If it wasn’t for you, I would’ve been a miserable kid. You saved me back then, Junhee. Thank you so much.” 

“You’re always welcome, Sehyoon hyung.” Junhee said as he tapped the older’s back “Better distribute these to the others, I can already feel Byeongkwan’s jealous gaze at me.”

Sehyoon chuckled and looked at Byeongkwan, the boy was glaring at Sehyoon for being the first one to have a flower crown “You better go to him next, I think that he’s about to burst.”

“Let him be.” Junhee jokingly said as he walked and stopped in front of Byeongkwan “Is the brat jealous?”

“Sehyoon hyung’s always the first one to have something from you,” Byeongkwan muttered and pouted before scoffing at Junhee.

“And you’re acting like that because of it?” Junhee asked.

“State the obvious, you old man!” Byeongkwan said as he scowled at Junhee.

Junhee just sighed as he carefully put the flower crown in Byeongkwan’s head “There you go, Kwan. Don’t be jealous anymore.”

“Well, it’s about time.” Byeongkwan mumbled, a faint blush was evident on his cheeks “T-Thank you, Junhee hyung.”

“You’re too overwhelmed right now that you’re already blushing, how cute~” Junhee coo-ed as he pinched Byeongkwan’s nose.

“Hyung, that hurts!” The younger boy whined as he looked at Junhee which was laughing at him.

“I should give one to Donghun now, enjoy.” Junhee said and Byeongkwan nodded while holding the flower crown.

Donghun grimaced as he stared--or probably glared at the flower crown “What the heck is that?”

“A flower crown, you dumbass.” Junhee sneered as he rolled his eyes, “I can’t find any cacti here and I can’t make a crown out of them so endure this, I made it.”

“Whatever.” Donghun said as he let Junhee put the flower crown on his head before smiling a bit, “Thanks, I guess?”

“Welcome, Hun.” Junhee said and winked at the older, making him cringe a bit and Junhee went to Yuchan which was relaxing at the pool he made “Yuchan~”

“What is it,hyung?” As Yuchan saw the flower crown, Junhee can’t help but wonder why the youngest was somehow frowning at his work. Was it horrible for him?

“You picked a lot of flowers with sad meanings of it.” Yuchan said and Junhee felt like he was drenched in cold water.

“W-What?” Junhee asked, feigning innocence.

“You picked peonies, sweetpeas, hydrangeas, poppies, anemonies, crysanthemums, bittersweets, cyclamens and forget-me-nots. These flowers explains a lot of heartbreaking or sad meanings,” Yuchan said as he looked at Junhee, “Is it about someone?”

Junhee shook his head and forced a smile, “N-No, not at all.”

“Are you sure,hyung? Is it about Rayoon?” Yuchan asked again.

“No, it’s not about him. I randomly picked the flowers without knowing its meanings, I thought that it was wonderful.” Junhee said as he smiled wider, “You think things through,huh?”

“I guess, but maybe it’s because I love flowers?” Yuchan said as he grins, “I’ve been admiring them for a long time.”

“I see. You must’ve loved them.” Junhee said and patted the youngest’s hair,liking how soft and fluffy it is “My baby’s so thoughtful.”

“Wait for me,hyung! Just sit there for a while!” Yuchan jolts up and went to Sehyoon, whispering something to him which made the black-haired male stood up.

 

 

Junhee was curious and at the same time, nervous as well. What if Yuchan had understood what his secret message is and told them? Would they interrogate him about it? He saw the four of them went on the middle of the field as if they’re looking for something, Junhee just kept on looking at them until the four of them arrived with smiles on their faces. It made Junhee feel a bit uneasy and somehow happy.

 

“Junhee hyung, as a gratitude for making us flower crowns. We made you one.” Yuchan said as he glanced at Sehyoon.

“H-Here you go,” Sehyoon sheepishly said as he put Junhee’s flower crown on his head.

“Looks like the prince had his own crown now,” Donghun said in a playful way.

“It looks good on Junhee hyung!” Byeongkwan says as he nudged on Sehyoon’s shoulder, “He looks like an actual prince, isn’t he?” And Sehyoon nodded, making Junhee feel a bit happy and blushed a bit.

“The flowers that we picked conveys our feelings too!” Yuchan chirps, pointing at Junhee’s flower crown “Calendula for respect, Camellia for Thank You, Lavender Heather for both Admiration and Solitude, Primrose for ‘I can’t live without you’, Sunflower for being our sun—our pillar and happiness for a long time, Zinnia for the longing we felt when you’re not around, and Forget-Me-Not for the wonderful memories that we shared.”

“Y-You really think things through, Yuchan.” Junhee mumbled, clenching his fists as he looked down and sobs “I-I’m so happy.”

“Junhee, don’t cry.” Donghun said in a calm tone but Junhee kept on sobbing as tears flowed out of his eyes again and again.

“I hurt all of you but you kept on reaching me, I am so sorry for hurting all of you. I’m so sorry for everything, I have been rude, arrogant and selfish! I don’t deserve all of this.” Junhee said as he kept on crying.

Donghun’s parent-like instinct kicked in and he went beside Junhee, hugged him tight as Sehyoon was wiping his tears “Listen, Junhee. Humans aren’t perfect at all, all of us makes mistakes and you know what wise people do? Tries to change themselves for the better and I think that you’re one of them, you’re a tough cookie that will still be our friend. Now, hush. You must’ve been keeping it to yourself a lot, so cry. Cry and cry until you feel nothing at all, let the numbness consume you. It’s alright, Junhee. You’ve suffered enough.”

 

 

And Junhee cries, he cried in Donghun’s embrace as the other three kept on comforting him with words and actions. Junhee feels like he was drowning in their affection and he felt a bit dizzy as if the world was shaking.

 

 

And in all of the sudden, everything went dark.

 

 

“Hyung! Junhee hyung!”

 

 

 

As he opened his eyes, it was still dark and he couldn’t see a thing so he waited for a few minutes before regaining his sight. Ever since his sickness got worse, he had a problem with his eyesight and also on his whole body. He had a hard time on standing or walking that someone has to support him, there were also times that he can’t breathe without relying on the oxygen mask or the times that he felt sleepy despite his friends were telling him something important. He wasn’t getting any better at all.

 

“Junhee.” He looked at Rayoon which was smiling at him, “You slept for two days.”

“Two days? D-Did I went somewhere else?” Junhee asked, almost looking like he was begging to Rayoon on saying 'yes'

Rayoon shook his head, “No. You’ve been here since two months ago and summer vacation’s about to end.”

“Oh.” Junhee felt weak as he smiled bitterly, all of it was just a dream. “I see.”

“Why? Did you dreamed about something? Something wonderful?” Rayoon asked, holding Junhee’s hand as he rubbed the back of his hand.

Junhee nods, “Yes.”

“What is it about?”

“A bittersweet one. One that will never happen,” Junhee muttered as he shed a tear, “Ah, I’m so miserable.”

“You’re not.”

“I am miserable and it’s all my fault,” Junhee said firmly as he started to cry.

 

 

 

Rayoon comforted Junhee with hushed words and by holding his hand the whole time, he made sure that Junhee won’t feel lonely so he kept on holding him until Junhee was tired once again and fell asleep. Rayoon expected this to happen, Junhee’s health had been deteriorating a lot these weeks and he had been too tired.

 

 

Rayoon can’t help but feel bad for Junhee as he looked at Junhee's phone, the last one that Junhee saw before falling asleep two days ago was the group conversation with his former group of friends, talking about their trip on Yuchan's resthouse and how they’re anticipating for Junhee to join them soon.

 

 

Rayoon can’t prevent himself on laughing in a bitterly way, “But he won’t be able to.”


	10. °ten°

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of Resignation and Acceptance. Of Farewells and 'See you Soon's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, i did not intend to post it at donghun's birthday. it's just that i recently finished (or prolly rushed) this shitty crap :<
> 
>  
> 
> sorry and thank you y'all! it's been a long ride, thank you for the comments and kudos! i really love it especially the comments, i love seeing your opinion on every chap and i hope that you'll still leave some comments about this last chapter~
> 
>  
> 
> also.. pls read the note on the next chapter~ i'll be announcing something hehe

Junhee’s friends kept on visiting him throughout the whole spring and summer, they made sure that Junhee doesn’t feel lonely at all. Rayoon decided to live at a dorm near the hospital to check on Junhee everytime that he wasn’t at school or at his club activities, he made sure that Junhee won’t be alone whenever everyone was busy on their own stuff. Suwoong was a nice friend, he kept on visiting Junhee and telling him stories on what happened to him that day and about his feelings for Hangyul that kept on growing. He kept on consoling the older and tries to show him pictures of the beautiful sceneries that he had been to, though Junhee wouldn’t playfully scowl because half of the scenery wasn't seen because Suwoong's face was blocking it.

“I can’t see the view at all,” Junhee complains.

Suwoong scoffed as he grinned at Junhee, standing proud and tall “Bitch please, Junhee hyung. I am the view.”

“You need to stop, Suwoong. It’s time to stop,” Junhee said while sighing as Suwoong laughed.

“So, how are you lately? What are you feeling?” Suwoong asked, blinking and tilting his head in confusion.

“I couldn’t say fine, right?” Junhee asked back.

Suwoong scowled at Junhee’s response before shrugging, “You answered my question with an another question. Great. But I guess that you’re right.”

“I can’t taste anything at all now, Suwoong. Sometimes, I can’t even feel anything and I feel so numb. I can’t even identify the temperature these days so I’m quite worried about being cold despite not feeling anything at all.” Junhee said in a sad tone while staring at the ceiling “Also, my noona had been visiting me lately. We talked about mom and dad along with my other noona, she looks so happy on hearing stuff about them. She said that she would wait for me and I could be with her soon enough.”

Suwoong flinched on what he heard as he looked down for a while, trying to comprehend what Junhee said before looking up at Junhee with a forced smile “I see. Your noona must’ve been pretty,huh?”

“Indeed,” Junhee nods weakly and smiled a bit.

“You must’ve been excited to be with her again or are you afraid?” Suwoong asked, letting his curiousity get the best of him.

“I don’t know. If I go with noona, I won’t be able to talk to you again. You know what I mean, right?” Junhee said as he smiled sadly at the younger.

Suwoong nodded, “Yes.”

“I’m really hoping that Hangyul would be able to love you back, Suwoong. You don’t deserve to experience what I’m currently experiencing now.” Junhee hoped, Junhee prayed, Junhee wished for the better. Suwoong don’t deserve to be in a situation like this.

Suwoong smiled sadly as he held Junhee’s hand, winced a bit when he noticed how thin the older was “Likewise. Thank you for worrying at me, Junhee hyung.”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I get worried about you? We’re friends, right?” Junhee ask, smiling a bit as he glanced at Suwoong.

Suwoong smiled wider and nods “Yes, Junhee hyung.”

And of course, they’ve noticed it. They’ve noticed the symptoms, they’ve noticed how Junhee isn’t fond of eating or drinking a lot just like he used to. They noticed how he seems to be confused whenever he wakes up and they would calmly explain what’s happening for him to know, they noticed how he becomes a bit restless so they talk to him in a calm tone. They noticed how Junhee was slowly withdrawing himself on everyone but they still stayed beside him.

Junhee seems to talk often to someone when he was alone, the nurses told Rayoon that it was normal for someone that is about to die and Rayoon was preventing himself on scowling at the nurses for telling him such things. Of course, Rayoon knows that Junhee talks to one of her older sister but that person has deceased a long time ago. But telling him that Junhee is about to die? The thought is terrifying him so much and he wants to cling to the older as much as he wants but whenever Junhee smiles, all of the thoughts disperse into thin air and he smiles as he embrace the older boy.

Time seems to pass longer and Junhee, which was currently on a chair beside the window, noticed how summer became autumn and saw from the window how the leaves turn into brown ones and fall, he can’t help but relate it to himself. His life is on the current state like autumn itself, he’s starting to crippling into bits and he’ll fall as the winter stage of his life comes—the time that his body will be as cold as the weather and lifeless just like the trees.

“A penny for your thoughts?” Junhee looked up and saw Rayoon smiling at him just like the usual.

“I’m going to die, Rayoon.” he admitted.

Rayoon sighs, “I know, Junhee. I know.”

“But I can feel it already, it’s going to happen soon. I can feel my strength leaving me at all,” Junhee said and smiled sadly at Rayoon, “Sorry for dragging you into a mess.”

Rayoon smirks, shaking his head “No, I dragged myself in this mess. Don’t worry.”

“Seriously, what a rascal.” Junhee snorts before leaning on the chair, “I want to know what’s happening to you, Rayoon. How are you?”

“I’m fine, Junhee. Just fine,” Rayoon replies as he faked an another smile. But no, he wasn’t. How can he be fine as heck when the person he loves the most is in the state like this?

“How are you and your friends? I mean, you have a lot of them but how are you with them?” Junhee asks, eyes glinting in confusion.

“It's okay, I guess. But I rarely hang out with anyone after class,” Rayoon admitted as he laughed quietly.

Junhee looked hurt as he averted his gaze on Rayoon, the younger immediately understood the situation and was about to talk but Junhee sighed “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Junhee.” Rayoon assured him and kneeled in front of Junhee as he held his right hand and kissed it, “This is my choice, I didn’t prefer to be with you because you’re pitiful, I chose to be with you because that’s what my heart had been telling me. To stay with the person I love the most, to stay with you.”

“You’re too nice, Rayoon. I really wished that I fall for someone like you instead,” Junhee said, chuckling as he carress Rayoon’s left cheek.

Rayoon nodded, “You don’t know how I wished for that thing to happen at all.”

“But seriously, have you made new friends? Aside from your friend with a weird nickname? Was it P.K?” Junhee asked.

“Of course! I had been close to the twins Been and Jin lately, the two were too adorable. Also, Kanghan is a senior that I admire. He’s pretty good at singing and dancing and his friend, Gitaek is a vocal god! Sion is also a kid that was too cheerful for his own good despite looking like a gangster or something. They’re from the College of Performing Arts as well so I can interact with them on some of the classes that we shared,” Rayoon said as he sat on the floor beside the chair that Junhee was sitting at, resting his head on Junhee’s lap, somehow wincing as he noticed how sharp the older boy’s bones were and somehow trying to feel some meat in it but failing miserably.

“Wow, that must’ve been amazing.” Junhee said “I wonder if I’ll be friends with them if I was able to go to school too.”

“Of course, you would. You’re also a social butterfly!” Rayoon responded, smiling wide at Junhee.

“How’s your grades, Yoonie?” Rayoon smiled when Junhee called him on his nickname.

“It’s fine. I’ve been doing great,” Rayoon replies.

“That’s nice to hear,” Junhee said before looking at Rayoon, “U-Um, can you help me on getting back to bed? I’m feeling a bit drowsy.”

“You don’t even need to ask about that..” Rayoon muttered.

As Junhee was about to stand, Rayoon immediately carried him  and carefully put him back on the bed, tucking the blanket to the older boy which was pouting at him. Rayoon immediately stole a kiss on those pouting lips which made Junhee glare at him.

“Don’t pout, you know that I won’t be able to resist those cherry lips.” Rayoon stated in a husky voice and winked at him.

Junhee rolled his eyes, “Dumbass. I told you to help me on getting back to the bed, not carrying me.”

“It’s faster in that way,” Rayoon said while grinning, “Beside, doesn’t it make you feel like a princess?”

“Here we go again.” Junhee mutters.

Rayoon made sure that Junhee was comfortable when he’s with him, he tried to look tough and happy despite feeling himself breaking into bits slowly. But he have to force a smile, he have to be strong for the older boys—in order for him to be happy. But he forgot that thinking about Junhee’s happiness is killing him slowly.

He has his own limits and the time comes a few days after he kissed the older, he was about to enter the hospital room after his Dance class but he noticed that it was locked so he gulped. It wasn’t locked all the time and when it does, it means that there were nurses and doctors inside. Junhee must’ve been in pain right now, it made Rayoon feel a bit cold. Junhee is suffering inside and he couldn’t do a thing for him—he couldn't hold him dearly and whisper comforting words to the older while kissing the pain away. He couldn’t. The door seems to be a huge obstacle on doing so.

So he sat at the wall beside the room, silently crying as he prayed for every single deity that he knew for Junhee to be alright. He wants to scream out really loud for Junhee to know that he’s near, he wants to kick the door and run to Junhee’s side, he wants to embrace the older boy and make sure that he’s alright—but he can’t. So he kept on weeping until the door opened and revealed Doctor Hwang, looking a bit surprised when he saw Rayoon but kept a stern expression.

“D-Doctor, how is he?” Rayoon asked, clasping his hands really tight as he hope for a better result.

Doctor Hwang seems to be hesitating on what he’s about to say but still said what is Junhee’s condition, making Rayoon froze as he looked at the floor “He isn’t getting any better but he’s fighting well, Yoon. His lungs malfunctioned a while ago and he kept on gasping for air, he started to cough blood once again and he’s unable to stomach any kind of food today. He doesn’t have much time left, it this continues, he’ll be in so mufh pain for the next days.”

“B-But he’s doing great, right?” Rayoon muttered, “He can’t be that weak now. He doesn’t even look weak at all.”

“Because he’s doing his best on masking the pain whenever his visitors were around but whenever he’s alone, the nurses could hear his cries and wails because of the pain. The painkillers isn’t doing a great job for his body now, it’s too much for the medicines. We can only give him the supressors so that his sickness wouldn’t kick in often but there are times that it can’t be helped.” Dr. Hwang said, his eyes showing concern towards the blonde.

“W-What am I supposed to do now?” Rayoon said in a small voice, all of his tough act had been destroyed by the terrifying thoughts that he's having.

“Please prepare yourself for the worst case scenario, Yoon. We’ve been doing our best to prolong his life but it’s his own body that is slowly giving up,” Dr. Hwang replied, tapping the boy’s back “I’ll talk to Park Junhee-sshi’s parents about this. Also, we aren’t allowing any visitors for him right now. It’ll be best if you’ll go home for now, you need to rest.”

“Okay.” Rayoon mumbled.

It took a few days for Junhee to wake up, the first thing that he saw was Rayoon, sitting on the floor while resting his head on the mattress and one of his hand was holding Junhee’s right hand. Junhee felt so numb yet he felt a bit of warmth by just seeing Rayoon, also a bit guilty because the boys wasn’t even sitting on a chair and preferred to sit on the floor in order to rest his head on the mattress. He felt bad for Rayoon sacrificing his time for someone like him but at the same time, he was thankful for Rayoon to stay at his side. Words cannot express how thankful Junhee is to Rayoon and also, it cannot express how Rayoon loves the older boy so tenderly that Rayoon is willing to sacrifice everything just for him.

Guess that fate is horrible for the both of them and they couldn’t do anything but to accept it. To accept how pitiful they were when it comes to love.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Days passed and November is about to end, it’ll start to snow and Junhee can’t wait to see it despite the fact that his sight is getting blurry at times and there were times that he could only see black for a few minutes or a few hours, it made him feel scared. But as he felt a hand locking itself on his hands along with the comforting words from Rayoon, it made him feel at ease. He knew that he isn’t alone, he knew that he wouldn’t be fighting by himself. He has a bunch of people that will fight along with him, the people that will cry for his loss, the people that he cherished and will forever be thankful to.

He can still feel pain at times, there were times that it was too much and all he can do is to endure everything. It’ll be better for his life to end sooner so he wouldn’t feel pain at all too. But he was worried for everyone, he was worried about his family and how will they take the pain on losing an another child, stolen by death once again? How is Seyong and the others going to cope up especially that they’re too busy with all of the projects and schoolworks that kept on piling up before the midterm exams? How is Siyeon and Rayoon going to accept his death and not blame themselves because they’re unable to save Junhee from the pain? How is Suwoong going to express his emotions especially now that he’ll be gone? 

He’s also worried about his friends, there were times that he wants to message them about the truth and apologize for everything. He wants to say what he truly feels and seek comfort from them, but he's aware that they’re currently busy and they’re happy. He shouldn’t bother them because he knows, he knows that they’ll be able to get over him soon and he’ll be nothing but a despicable memory that they would never want to remember. But what if they knew about his sickness while not knowing that Sehyoon is the one he loves? What are they going to do? How are they going to act? Will Donghun do his best to make sure that Junhee is doing well and check up on him every single hour? Will Byeongkwan tries to find the one that he loves and force him to have feelings on Junhee? Will Yuchan hate whoever the person that he loves but will still try to convince him? Will Sehyoon provide him the support that he used to give to the older boy  reciprocating the comfort and support?

And just like that, Junhee just kept on wondering and thinking. His friends noticed how their friend had been talking less and just nods or shake his head but they just ignored it, aware of the fact that a person in a state like Junhee isn’t going to talk much like they used to. 

There were times that Junhee would be clench his fists on the sheets and be restless, Rayoon had to calm him or restrain him as he comfort the older boy. There were times that Junhee is talking to someone beside him which was her older sister that died a long time ago. There were times that Junhee wouldn’t even remember any of them and Rayoon have to explain everything to him in order for Junhee to come back in his senses. There were times that Junhee was coughing too much or just lying down as he stare on the ceiling, all that Rayoon can provide is his comfort. But heck, if only he was able to take the pain away from Junhee, he wouldn’t even think twice about it.

December has started and Junhee saw how it started to snow, admiring the white flakes falling down from the sky and smiling. He was surprised when the door opened and it revealed Suwoong, it was maybe his imagination but the younger seems to be blooming, like a cherry blossom that looks so beautiful. 

“Junhee hyung!” Suwoong chirps as he sat on the chair besides  Junhee’s bed.

“You seem to be cheerful today, Syung.” Junhee said, calling the younger boy on his nickname “May I know why?”

“That is actually the first thing I’m going to tell you right now!” Suwoong said in a cheerful tone as a smile appeared on his lips, “You won’t believe this at all!”

“And why wouldn’t I? I believe you, Suwoong. You’re not the type of person to lie without a reason,” Junhee said and furrowed his eyebrows.

“I-It’s about Hangyul.. and me,” Suwoong said in a tiny voice and he kept on fidgeting. Junhee observed the boy and saw the pink tint on his cheeks and his uneasy vibe so Junhee nodded as a sign for Suwoong to continue “H-He broke up with his boyfriend a month ago and h-he admitted that their relationship is just a fake one, they’re just making his ex’s crush to be jealous and now that their plan had worked, it’s over for them. And h-he confessed to me, he said that he was liking me for a long time. He was really adorable, blushing like heck as he stuttered. He was also about to slip that time, all of the cool vibes had disappeared.. showing me the dorky kid that I love.”

“Wow.” Junhee looked at Suwoong and smiled, he’s aware of what is Suwoong about to say and he’s so happy for the younger boy. He tried to reach out for Suwoong but he was too weak so he tapped Suwoong’s hand and nods, “T..That was nice.”

“Yes. And when Wonjun hyung dragged me to the hospital a while ago, the sickness was gone! It’s over! My suffering is over! I’m free from this disease. Fucking finally! The boy I love loves me back and all the pain is worth it!” Suwoong screamed like a kid as he waved his hands, grinning wide.

“I’m so happy for you, Suwoong. You’ve suffered enough and you deserve that love.” Junhee said in a calm tone and smiled a genuine one.

“But.. what about you?” Suwoong’s smile faded and looked at Junhee with sad eyes, “I’m okay now. But what about you, Junhee hyung? I want you to be okay too.”

“You don’t need to worry about me, bub.” Junhee stated in a calm tone and tries to reach out for Suwoong's cheek but he feels so weak. Suwoong who noticed the older's gesture, leaned so that Junhee would be able to caress his cheek, “The good thing is that you’re okay now. That’s the best thing that happened for you. Be happy for yourself, Syung.”

“But hyung.. how?” Suwoong’s voice was trembling as he gently held Junhee’s wrist as he shook his head, “It’s unfair. I don’t want this to be like this.”

Junhee saw how Suwoong’s eyes looked so melancholic despite sparkling so bright a while ago and he can’t help but looked away, he made someone sad again “Please, Suwoong. Please be happy for yourself, don’t mind me.”

“It’s unfair,hyung. Why can’t Sehyoon hyung fall fo you?” Suwoong asked as he squeezed Junhee’s wrist a bit.

Junhee knew the answer and it’s a bittersweet one yet he won’t even hesitate on saying it with a smile on his lips “Because I’m not Kim Byeongkwan.”

“Hyung, I don’t want you to die..” Suwoong muttered, tears were already falling from his eyes and sobs, “You don't deserve this at all, hyung. I’m sorry if I couldn’t help you on this one, I’m really sorry.”

“Hey, Syung. Don’t be. It’s alright, I already accepted everything and I’m already waiting for the right time to bid my farewell,” Junhee said and looked at the younger boy “It’s alright for me but I’m worried for all of you, you’ll be sad and crying for my loss. I feel bad and I’m so sorry for making all of you sad, I want to stop those tears but I would be restricting you all from expressing your emotions so I’m going to let you cry until you’re tired from crying.”

“You’re too good for this..” Suwoong said as he let himself cry just like what Junhee said a while ago.

“Please take care and somehow look over my friends for me, Suwoong. Especially Yuchan, please make sure that he’s still as bright as he is and make sure that he is going to have someone that he can talk to when he’s bothered or sad,” Junhee said while grinning at the younger boy.

“You’re already talking as if you’re dying,” Suwoong scoffed as he tried on stopping his sobs but he failed miserably.

“But I am already dying.” Junhee said calmly and immediately regretted his response when Suwoong stopped crying for a while but wailed like a kid.

“I hate you, Junhee hyung! Stop that!” Suwoong wailed as Junhee just gave an apologetic smile at him.

Junhee wants to see how Suwoong’s relationship with Hangyul would bloom, he wants to witness how Suwoong would smile really bright when he’s with Hangyul. He wants to be there and to be proud of this boy for being tough but he knew that he wouldn’t. And Suwoong is also aware of it and that’s the reason why Suwoong is always saying his long-ass speech of how thankful he is that he became friends with Junhee and the promises that he made especially on taking care of Yuchan for Junhee before leaving the sick boy that is stuck in his hospital bed.

When Suwoong left, he saw his older sister on the chair where Suwoong sat a while ago and he smiled. He’s going to tell her older sister about Suwoong and his one hell-of-a-ride lovelife, he bet that her sister would be interested on Suwoong because he’s too good-looking to be true.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

And just like the usual, Rayoon would visit him everyday during his free time. Rayoon noticed everything yet he still kept that tough act of his, he can’t believe that he’s manipulating himself to be tough just for Junhee—the boy that he’s supposed to manipulate. He wasn’t expecting for this, he was expecting back then that Junhee would do something really risky and that will be Rayoon’s blackmail to him so he could have the chance to take over the older male. But he isn’t expecting that Junhee is suffering from Unrequited Love Syndrome and shit happens, he got what he wanted but he isn’t happy at all. He felt so bad and he wants to jump off a bridge from the guilt that he’s feeling. And here he was, in front of a long bridge. He looked below and saw how wide was the water and it’s so quiet that Rayoon guessed that it’s a deep one. 

“I don’t want Junhee to die..” he muttered as he shook his head, “I don’t want him to die.”

He remembered the first time that he saw the blonde male, it was his first year in middle school and he was about to join the school’s Dance Club. And as he opened the studio's door, he caught a glimpse of a boy that was currently moving his body along with the music. He saw how the boy moved his hips and how intense was the boy’s facial expression that is suitable for his performance, though it wasn’t an actual performance. Rayoon watched as the boy stopped and looked at the mirror, grinning really wide while nodding as if he’s satisfied on what he did. Rayoon was so flustered as he stared at the boy’s grin that shows those cat-like canines. The boy resembles a cat but his aura resembles the king of the jungle, a lion which makes him look intimidating yet majestic.

“Junhee, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Rayoon mutters as his grip on the railings have tightened and the urge to jump had been crawling on the back of his mind, “I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you. I’m really sorry for making you sad, please forgive me. I love you so much that it hurts, I don’t want you to leave me. Junhee..”

He remembered how Junhee approached him and Rayoon thought that despite being an intimidating person, he’s actually that cinammon roll that could literally slaughter a man. And as he joined the Dance Club, he had been hoping that he’ll be able to be close to the first person that made him so flustered by just seeing him. But luck’s not on his side, the boy has been sticking to his two bestfriends which was also a part of the Dance Club. And he can’t help but feel jealous when his classmate that resembles the sunshine had been added to the boy's circle of friends. He can’t help but feel a bit mad and jealous on that classmate of his, letting the green-eyed monster inside of him consume him.

So he did a lot of mean stuff to his classmate, Yuchan and of course, Yuchan isn’t aware of it. Yuchan only acknowledges it as bad luck but actually, it’s Rayoon that is making him unlucky. He even did a risky move, pushing Yuchan on the stairs which made the tall boy hospitalized for weeks crying for that knee injury that he got. But instead of feeling triumphant, he felt bad because Junhee, the boy that he admires has been uneasy and scared. He wants to scream, his plan isn’t working at all. It made Junhee pay attention to the younger boy and Rayoon felt jealous yet realized that he couldn’t get the boy’s attention on what he’s doing. But he couldn’t stop himself, not now. He still did a lot of pranks and mean stuff to Junhee’s friends but he wasn’t caught at all, he wondered if he’s a ghost or something. And it became a habit of him, the cheerful boy that he was before had turned into a possessive and wild man. Maybe it’s because he wants Junhee to only look at him and for the brunette to love him and look at him with such loving eyes like he does on that Kim Sehyoon.

And he waited too, he patiently waited until he got the chance to steal Junhee. But he didn’t expect that the boy he loves had been suffering from a disease that shattered all his hopes for the boy to love him just like how he does. It was ruined. But he can’t leave Junhee in this state and he made his first move, he did something that he was yearning to do before. To kiss the boy that made his heart pounding like crazy and just like a contract, the kiss is the sign for Rayoon to stick himself to Junhee. Besides, he could manipulate Junhee now that he can blackmail him. He can do the stuff that he wanted to do to the sick male.

“I can’t do this.. I can’t live without Park Junhee. Not like this. I can’t take this.. I don’t want this,” Rayoon murmurs as tears had been flowing from his eyes, “I don’t want to see him dead. I don’t want him to leave me. I love him, w-we’re supposed to be in love with each other.. we’re supposed to be happy. Not like this at all.”

Rayoon felt so bad for the things that he did and for his heart that was being shattered slowly as Junhee’s dying. He wants to end it all, he wants the guilt and pain to stop. His apologies would do nothing because this might’ve been the karma for all of the bad things that he did to Junhee’s friends, he's probably the reason why Junhee’s suffering now. If only he could steal the disease from the boy, he wouldn’t even think twice about that.

“I’m so sorry..” Rayoon was shaking and he was about to take a leap when a certain image had popped out of his mind, making him froze and widened his eyes.

Junhee is waiting for him at his hospital room, he’s just there and waiting for him to come after his class.

Rayoon suddenly smiled as he took a step back from the railings and shook his head, ignoring the tears falling from his eyes as he looked at the gray skies “Ah, Junhee. Why are you stopping me?”

He screamed. He kept on screaming until his throat feels like it’s burning before running away from the bridge, thinking how stupid he was on trying to kill himself. Junhee is waiting for him and he promised himself to be with Junhee until the end yet he tried to kill himself just because he couldn’t handle the pain, he’s way better than this. He might have done a lot of mean stuff but the thing is that he changed, he re-affirmed himself before it’s too late. He ran until he reached the hospital and dashed to Junhee’s private room, the pale boy that was currently lying at his bed was shocked to see Rayoon that was panting and his eyes were red.

“Yoonie, are you alright?” Junhee asked.

“Junhee, I’m sorry.” Rayoon said as he let himself cry once again.

“W-Why are you crying?” Junhee was curious but all that Rayoon could notice is how Junhee's voice isn't that loud anymore.

“I-I’m sorry..” he mutters while sobbing, “I did something w-wrong, I was so scared that you might l-leave me soon so I t-tried to end everything. I c-can’t take the fact that y-you will die..”

“End everything?” Junhee’s eyes widened and looked at Rayoon in surprise, “You tried to kill youself,Yoon?”

“I can’t take it, Junhee.. I don’t want you to leave,” Rayoon said, “It’s too painful. I want you. I need you. I love you. I don’t want to live without you.. it hurts so much.”

“Y-You’ve been suffering too much. Come here, Yoon.” Junhee gestured but Rayoon shook his head.

“Y-You’re too nice, d-do I deserve you at all? I’m such an asshole and I don’t deserve any kindness from you.. I’m so sorry. I did a lot of bad stuff to everyone before.” 

“Rayoon, come here.” Junhee said in a calm tone, as if he’s making sure that Rayoon wouldn’t think that he's mad “I don’t care on the things that you’ve did before, it was all in the past. And the fact that you’re guilty shows that you aren’t a bad person at all, Yoonie. Come here, you deserve a hug. No, you deserve the whole world.”

“I d-don’t deserve this..” Rayoon said but he immediately cling to Junhee, “You’re too nice! You’re too gullible! You’re too good to deserve such a horrible fate!”

Junhee held Rayoon’s face gently before planting a kiss on his forehead before embracing the boy that’s currently crying his heart out, he hums while stroking his back. He doesn’t understand the real reason why Rayoon’s facade had been ruined but he’s aware of the fact that Rayoon needs someone right now. Rayoon needs Junhee and Junhee would do everything to make sure that the boy who had been with him will be alright despite him being the reason of his suffering. Junhee knows that he can’t make anyone happy and satisfied but he can still accept and love them despite their imperfections.

“I am scared, Rayoon. Thank you for fighting against your thoughts,” Junhee said and tapped Rayoon’s back, “Thank you for not giving up and leaving me.”

“I c-could never do that!” Rayoon blurted out.

“Yet I will do that, I am really sorry for hurting you.” Junhee said while sighing, “If only I fell for you, I would never let you go and make you cry. I’m sorry for not falling for you, I tried to.. I tried but it’s still Sehyoon that I’ll be loving until I die.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

And Junhee let Rayoon cry until the boy’s tired and looked at Junhee with puffed eyes, making the older male chuckled before pinching his nose that was red from sniffling a lot.

“Rayoonie’s so adorable,” Junhee said while smiling a bit, looking at the younger male.

“Junhee, how am I supposed to accept that you’ll be leaving me soon?” Rayoon asks, his doe eyes staring at the older male.

Junhee shrugs, “It’s up to you. I’ll still leave and we can’t do anything about it. We just have to accept, right?”

“But I can’t.” Rayoon admitted as he held Junhee’s hands, grimacing a bit as he felt the bony hands yet he rubbed it and held it tight “I can’t accept that, Junhee.”

“Of course, you wouldn’t. But you have to, it’ll be painful at first.. but don’t rush yourself, just take one step at a time. You’ll accept my death soon but not that fast, Rayoon.” Junhee replied, “The love that we can’t have is the one that last the longest, hurts the deepest, and feels the strongest. Why? Because it’s the last that we fought for with all our might.”

“And you’ll still fight for your love for Sehyoon until the end?” Rayoon asked.

Junhee nods, “Yes. You’ll do the same, right?”

Rayoon was hesitant at first but nodded, “Yes. I will fight for love. I will fight for you.”

“I feel bad for making you fight for your love to a person like me but I appreciate it, thank you. Please keep on fighting for me until the end and please accept it as soon as possible, accept my death and move on. Find the one that will never make you cry unlike me,” Junhee said and held Rayoon’s face gently before grinning wide, “Okay, Rayoon?”

Rayoon wants to scream and object.

But Junhee was smiling, smiling despite the fact that he’s going to die yet he still kept on smiling as if he’s accepting the horrible truth.

“Okay. I’ll do my best.”

So he should be tough, not just for himself but also for the man that he loves. For this dying man in front of him, for Park Junhee.

•°•°•°•°•°

It’s already Christmas and most of his friends had visited him. They spent a few hours before leaving to celebrate it with their family, Junhee was delighted on seeing them despite feeling drowsy because of the medication that he's taking but he still kept himself awake. He couldn’t disappoint and make them sad, it’s Christmas. 

And at the same time, he wondered. He wondered if the four were also celebrating Christmas, if they’re together and if they’re happy. He’s also wondering if Yuchan is going to celebrate his birthday unlike last year when they paid all of their attention on making Junhee happy instead of making their youngest friend’s birthday to be a memorable one. He felt bad when he remembered how Yuchan snapped, he remembered how frustrated and mad he was and he can’t help but feel a bit guilty and sad about it.

He also met Hangyul, the boy was damn attractive. Hangyul and Suwoong is perfect for each other and Junhee could see how the two were in love with each other, smiling at their cheesy and silly antics. Hangyul was also a close friend of Yuchan and he told Junhee that his friends were currently on Yuchan’s resthouse. Hangyul was surprised to see Park Junhee in this state but promised not to tell a single soul about his condition. Hangyul is a good kid, Hangyul will protect Suwoong and Suwoong would do the same. Junhee is certain that he’ll be leaving the boy happy and was assured that Suwoong won’t cry for his unrequited love ever again.

But as everyone left, he felt a bit drained. He had been sleepy and the urge to sleep forever is always crawling at the back of his mind. He already talked to his parents about giving up, he already shed tears with them during Christmas’ Eve and they made them accept his selfish decisions. He can’t be a burden to them especially that the hospital bills and his medicine were quite expensive, he doesn’t want his family to suffer. He already had been disappointing them with his condition. He looked at Rayoon which was just staring at him, the boy looked so tired yet he still kept on looking out for him.

“Rayoon.” 

“What is it, Junhee?” Rayoon asked.

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Of course, what is it?”

Junhee sighed before looking at Rayoon with a contented one before smiling a bit, “Will you let go of me soon? I mean, really soon?”

“Why?” He saw how Rayoon’s expression has shown fear.

“Because I won’t last longer. Can you let go of me soon and live your life happily?” Junhee asks.

Rayoon shook his head, “No. I promised that I won’t leave you until the end. So please, let me be selfish and stay with you until your final breath.”

“Rayoon..”

“Junhee, I’m serious. After all of it, I’ll do my best to let you go. Please don’t push me away because I want to be with you until you leave me permanently. Let me stay with you, I don’t want you to face it alone. I’ll be standing beside you until the end,” Rayoon said in a firm voice, eyes looked like they’re boring holes on Junhee’s face.

Junhee can’t help but sigh once again as he looked at Rayoon with a small smile on his lips, “Guess that I couldn’t stop you, right?”

“You bet I am.” Rayoon stated with a smug grin on his face.

“What a stubborn brat.” Junhee scoffs.

“Junhee..” Rayoon stood in all of the sudden and attached something on the wall behind Junhee, “Look what’s up.”

When Junhee looked, he chuckled before looking at Rayoon in disbelief. The boy has that sly smile while pointing at his lips, waiting for Junhee to lean. He can't believe that Rayoon would attach a mistletoe on the wall and find a way to kiss him.

“Do I even have a choice? You'll still kiss me even if I objects it,” Junhee said in defeat.

“You’re right.” Rayoon said and chuckled a bit.

Junhee smiles before leaning in front of Rayoon, “Yoon, kiss me.”

“With pleasure.” Rayoon said, smirking a bit before caressing Junhee’s face as he traced his fingers on every side before stopping at Junhee’s cheeks.

And he closed the distance between the dying boy, kissing him passionately yet gently. He pulled away with a smile and when he looked at Junhee, he was also smiling. He felt like his heart was about to burst, his heart kept on pounding louder and he felt so warm. He loves Junhee and he loves it when Junhee smiles so genuinely.

“It’s a shame that I didn’t fell for a handsome fellow like you,” Junhee said before laughing.

Rayoon scoffed, “Yeah, that’s right. Regret that you didn’t fall for someone like me.”

“I hope that in our next lives, we’ll be the one for each other.” Junhee stated before patting Rayoon’s blonde hair, “I hope that next time, we would never weep such sad tears for love.”

“I hope so.” Rayoon said before embracing Junhee, smiling a bit as he inhaled Junhee’s intoxicating scent.

“I really wish that in our next lives, our red string of fate is connected to each other. I want to love you, Rayoon. I want to make you happy and to cherish you,” Junhee said before smiling sadly, “I’m sorry that I couldn’t do that now.”

“It’s alright, Junhee. I understand.” Rayoon replied, planting a kiss on Junhee’s cheek, “But hey, I’ll be anticipating for that. So let's meet on our next lives, okay? Promise me that we’ll meet and love each other.”

Junhee nods, “Promise. And if we're still not meant for each other there, let’s do our best to conquer the cruel fate. Let’s fight for it. Fight for love, I mean.”

“Sure thing!” Rayoon beamed.

Junhee’s mother told him that if something was destined for him, never in a million years it will be for somebody else. So he believes that maybe he deserves Rayoon’s love for him, it’s just that fate is a bitch for both of them. One, wanting to be loved back and one that wants to love. 

He suddenly remembered Sehyoon and smiled, he wondered how was the boy. Did he dyed his hair by now or is it still the jet black hair that he have? Did he and Byeongkwan became closer than ever? Did he changed for the better? Is he doing well? Of course, Junhee would never know. He hasn't even opened his phone since last month and he wouldn't, he’s withdrawing to everyone. But he will still remember how he loves Kim Sehyoon and will continue to fight for it too.

He wondered that if he told Sehyoon his feelings as soon as possible, would it turn out to be like this? But he immediately pushed those thoughts away. Because he did it for Sehyoon to obtain that picture perfect. Yes. Picture perfect, indeed. Sehyoon might have been living a happy life and he deserved that. The picture perfect that is the reason why Junhee have been holding back his feelings. For jeopardizing his own heart that he shouldn’t have,  
vandalizing his own senses, making it all numb. All these self-  
destruction, just for him to have that picture perfect life, which Sehyoon silently yearns for.

And Junhee hid his own feelings, being the selfless man that he is. Because Junhee loves him. Too much that he can sacrifice his  
love and his life for him. As long as Sehyoon’s happy, then he’s happy. That what love is all about. Or probably, that’s what Junhee thought he would feel and that’s what he thought Sehyoon would feel. Again, there were times that it would prove him wrong but he ignored all of it. Just for Sehyoon, he insists.

•°•°•°•°

Days passed and it was already the 31st of December, Rayoon was about to leave his dorm when he suddenly received a call from the hospital.

[Hello?]

[Yoon-sshi, you have to go at the hospital as soon as possible.]

[Why?] Rayoon was scared. What if something bad happened to Junhee while he was gone? What if Junhee already left him?

[It’ll be better to know once you’ve arrived here.]

So Rayoon immediately went at the hospital and he saw Junhee’s parents along with her older sister, waiting outside of Junhee’s room. Dr. Hwang went out of the room so he dashed to his side, the doctor had a stern expression and all of them braced themselves on what he was about to say.

“I would like to be honest about Junhee-sshi right now, he isn’t going to make it in a few hours. His body has completely given up, he might woke up a bit but afterwards, his body would technically stop functioning at all,” Dr. Hwang admitted, “He would be awake in a bit, it’ll be better if it’s Yoon-sshi that will see him first though.”

“S-Should I?” Rayoon asked.

“Go ahead, dear..” Mrs. Park said and smiled sadly, smiled despite the tears falling from her eyes.

He looked at the room and took a deep breath before entering the room, it was really peaceful and the only sound that he can hear is from the machine beside Junhee. The boy’s eyes were closed and Rayoon could notice how Junhee's breath was too shallow. The boy looked so tired and in pain, grimacing a bit yet looking beautiful as always. Rayoon inspected Junhee from head to toe, admiring how beautiful he is despite dying in a few hours from now.

“Rayoon, thank you.”

He was surprised to hear that from Junhee which woke up in all of the sudden, smiling at him as if he really mean those words that he barely even whispered. Rayoon can't help but feel worried as he noticed how the older boy's eyes glazed over but he shook those thoughts off.

He doesn't deserve his gratitude at all, he doesn't deserve how he smiled so genuine once again that made him feel like he's being stabbed deep inside. He doesn't deserve Park Junhee, the boy he tried to manipulate but ended up changing him at all. So instead of saying that he doesn't deserve everything, he smiled and looked at Junhee with those loving eyes, instead of a michievous look or that piercing look whenever someone dares to go near Junhee.

“You're welcome,” Rayoon said as he widened his smile, showing Junhee how happy he was despite feeling his heart shatter into bits “And also, thank you. Thank you for everything, thank you for your existence. Thank you for this one-of-a-hell ride, thank you for being with me. Thank you.. for trusting me.”

“It is.. I know that you'll be able to move on,” Junhee said as he tried to reach out to caress Rayoon's cheek.

Rayoon leaned to Junhee's hand and tried his best not to cry as he felt the older boy's hand being cold, “I hope so.”

“D-Don't just hope. Do it. Do it for me, I k-know that there's someone out there.. for you,” Junhee whispered and his voice seems to get quieter and quieter as he speaks.

“Then I will, I will move on for you. I will continue on living even though you're not around anymore. But always remember that you've been one of the most important person of my life, one of the person that I love and in the future, had loved.. and I'll never, ever forget you.” Rayoon said as he held Junhee's hand and Junhee responds with a weak nod, “You know what? I want a goodbye kiss, can I have one? This will be the final one so can you spoil me for the last time before you go?”

“Rayoon.. you're doing well.” Junhee says as he nods.

And Rayoon leaned until their face were an inch apart from each other, he removed the oxygen mask from Junhee for a while as he gently cupped Junhee's cheeks and kissed the older boy. And he let those tears fall for Junhee, he kissed him tenderly and made sure to savor this moment while reminding himself that Junhee's too fragile. He smiled at their kiss before pulling away, the smile was still seen from his face despite the tears betrayed him as they kept on falling one after another. He gently returned the oxygen mask on Junhee before stepping back, wiping the tears but it just kept on falling so he kept on smiling.

He wasn't used to this, he wasn't fond of sweet words and insults. He was more attentive when it comes to action, he believed that words don't tell the whole story but action does, it's simply there. He wasn't fond of words but Park Junhee changed him.. before, it doesn't mean anything to him but now, "Goodbye" is such a bitter pill to swallow and "I love you" seems to be really precious for him.

“Junhee, I love you..” he said for the last time as Junhee kept on smiling too “I love you that it hurts and also at the same time, I feel so contented to know that you'll be released from the pain soon.”

“You should let go of me.. because I'm letting you go, too. You're free from me..” Junhee whispered as he chuckled but it wasn't heard at all.

“If only I had a choice, I would bound myself with you for eternity. But for everyone's sake, I will let you go. I will send you off with a bunch of balloons, I want to send you off with flying colors. Or I'll probably just sing a song as you close your eyes.. so that the last thing you can ever hear was my voice, singing as you walk through the darkness, finding the exit..” Rayoon said as he grinned “You know that I'll be doing that, Junhee. Better wait for it!”

Junhee weakly nods, “Tell Siyeon and everyone that I'm really thankful.. and also, my family.. I love them so much.. my friends.. I love you all so much. Thank you.. it’s a shame that I couldn't greet Yuchan a happy birthday and how thankful I was for him to be born.”

“You’re dying yet you’re still worried about that?” Rayoon chuckles.

“O-Of course.. Yuchan’s o-our sunshine,” Junhee said before getting a bit drowsy.

“Junhee, wait for a while. Don't close your eyes yet, I'll call your parents outside.” Rayoon said as he dashed through the door and let his parents entered the room along with her sister.

“Junhee..” Mrs. Park said as she smiled at Junhee.

“Mom.. I talked to noona a while ago. She said that she'll be waiting for me and that she loves all of you..”

“We love her too. We love both of you..” Mrs. Park responded as she nodded.

“Junhee, we love you so much and we'll continue on loving you and your sister until the end. I'm so proud of you for being a brave and tough person, that's my son..” Mr. Park said as he patted Junhee's head gently and Junhee nods so he continued, “I just hope that you'll be able to rest peacefully.”

“I will.” Junhee replied as he looked at her sister which was crying silently at the corner “Thank you, noona. Please don't cry like that.. aren't you going to miss your adorable brother?”

“Junhee! I'll miss you! I'll miss you so much..” her sister said as she hugged him, “Always remember that noona loves you so much, okay? Don't forget that or else, I'm gonna kick your ass!”

Junhee chuckled as he nods, he looked at the clock and noticed that it's 11:35 P.M. and only a few more minutes and it's going to be a new year once again. A bunch of memories from last year had entered his mind and he smiled once again, remembering how happy he was during that time. And he had decided it.

“I.. have a request. My last one..” Junhee whispered as their attention went to him, “Can I see.. the fireworks..from the hospital's r-rooftop?”

“But it's freezing out there!” his sister exclaims.

“Please.. this is the last..” Junhee said as he pants, trying to catch his breath “ Please.. please let me..”

The four of them exchanged glances before Rayoon went to the corner and took Junhee's wheelchair as he smiled and shook his head “It can't be helped. Still being stubborn until the end.”

Junhee's father helped him to get on the wheelchair since his legs had already failed him two months ago and he have to rely on other people when it comes to walking or standing up, his father carefully put him in the wheelchair as Rayoon took his jacket off and let Junhee wear it.

“It's cold out there..”

“But Junhee, the cold never bothered me anyway,” Rayoon said and Junhee laughed “Let's not waste time, shall we?”

 

Rayoon walked beside Junhee's wheel as his parents and sister were the ones beside him. Every step felt so heavy and Rayoon wanted to run away but he wanted to be tough this time and face the worst case scenario with a smile as he send Junhee off. As they reached the elevator, everyone was silent and all eyes were on Junhee which seems to be on a daze once again.

And as they've arrived on the highest floor and the only obstacle that is blocking the rooftop was the door, everyone stopped and looked at each other. But Rayoon was surprised when Junhee's family stepped backward and gestured him to go beside Junhee.

“W-Why?” he asked.

“We've already bid our farewell and I think that we won't be able to witness his final moments so go get it, tiger.” Junhee's sister joked as she raised her fists, “Go ahead, Rayoon. Accompany him on his final moments, make him feel loved and remember to smile.”

“I will.” Rayoon said as he tightened his grip on the wheelchair.

Junhee's father opened the door and the cold breeze had hit him but instead of the blizzard-like weather, everything seems so calm yet cold. There are snowflakes falling gently and slowly downwards and the skies were clear, everything seems to be in sync on Rayoon's plan.. to make Junhee feel happy and comfortable.

“Twenty seconds.” he heard Junhee whispered as he looked at Rayoon's watch “Countdown.”

“Ten.” Junhee whispered and Rayoon joined him, speaking in soft voices as they started to count backwards.

"Nine."

"Eight."

"Seven."

"Six."

"Five."

"Four."

"Three."

"Two."

“One.” In a blink of an eye, the sky was filled with bright color from the fireworks and Rayoon was mesmerized for a while before looking at Junhee.

“Happy new year, Junhee.” he stated as he intertwined his hand with Junhee.

“Happy new year..” he heard Junhee whispered as it kept its attention on the bright sky, “They must've been watching it somewhere else too. W-We're watching it together.”

“Yes, you do.”

“I feel so happy. Thank you.”

“You're welcome.”

“I feel so sleepy..” Rayoon wanted to scream and to shake Junhee in order for him to keep his eyes open. His hands were shaking not because of the cold but because of the fear he's feeling but all of it seems to stop as he felt Junhee rubbed his fingers at the back of his hand.

Rayoon sighed as he smiled “Would you like me to sing you a lullaby?”

"Sure. Thank you, Rayoon."

“You're welcome and also,thank you too. I love you, Junhee. I'm letting you go just like what you wanted.. don't worry, I'll be fine. I'll get over you, I promise. But I won't forget you.” Rayoon said as he started to sing the first verse of 'Love in the Ice'

He kneeled beside Junhee, ignoring the cold as he kept on singing. Junhee looked at him and smiled once again before looking up at the sky, indulging the view despite his sight getting blurry as memories started to appear in his mind, reminding him about everything. About his childhood life up to his high school life, his moments with his dance unit, his precious memories with the four of them, the moments where he steal glances on Sehyoon or where he enjoys the black-haired boy's company. He also remembered the others especially Rayoon and Siyeon, he remembered everything and he feels so clear-headed and contented. The cold was numbing and his sight was slowly getting more blurry so he looked at Rayoon for the last time as he smiles

“It has been fun.. I had fun. And until the end, I feel so loved by you and everyone, thank you.” he said as he hears Rayoon's voice that kept on singing, despite shaking and somehow choking his sobs.

When Junhee closed his eyes, Rayoon felt like his heart stopped and fell but he kept on being tough as he kept on singing. He promised Junhee that he'll sing for him, despite not feeling Junhee's pulse anymore and despite the older boy was feeling too cold and being unresponsive. He kept on singing while pouring all of his emotions out until the song finished and he looked at the clock, 12:21 A.M. He finally let the tears stream from his eyes once again as he stood and kissed Junhee's forehead. 

“Junhee, see you soon.”

"Good bye" might be a bitter pill to swallow but "See you soon" is a bittersweet one and Rayoon prefers the second one. He'll try to live like there's no tomorrow until the day that they'll meet each other once again and hopefully, in the next lifetime.. they might be the one for each other and they won't feel this kind of pain that they suffered from. From love itself.

 

 

°===========================°

 

Meanwhile, as the fireworks started to appear on the sky. Four boys were at the backyard, sitting beside each other yet leaving a space on the middle for their leader that wasn't there. 

 

“Despite Junhee not being here, I can feel that he's somewhere out there.. looking at the sky too.” Donghun suddenly blurted out and the three nodded in agreement.

“It feels weird but I feel like Junhee's with us. It's too comfortable right now.” Sehyoon said as he smiled.

“Let's invite him to go here at summer vacation!” Byeongkwan said as he raised his fists while flashing a grin.

“He might say no again but let's persuade him! I bet that he won't be able to resist us that much!” Donghun added.

Sehyoon nods, ”He has a soft spot for us, what can you expect?”

“Let's invite him here and also, to celebrate next year's New Year!” Yuchan chirps

Donghun nods, “Yes, let's do that.”

“I wonder what's he's doing right now..” Sehyoon muttered as he looked at the sky again “But I know that we'll be able to meet each other soon.”

“Let's scream 'See you soon, Junhee'! Maybe Junhee can hear it from where he is!” Byeongkwan said as he looked at Yuchan, asking for his support and the youngest nods as he raised his both hands with a thumbs up.

“That's a stupid idea. As if Junhee would hear that sh-” Donghun stopped talking as he saw Byeongkwan and Yuchan's sad expression so he sighed and shrugged, “Okay, fine. Let's do it.”

“One, two, three..” Sehyoon mutters as he inhales.

“See you soon, Junhee!” The four boys screamed in unison.

“Oh my gosh, did I just called him Junhee and without a hyung at the end of it? If he hears it, I'll be doomed!” Byeongkwan said as he cupped his own cheeks, a terrified expression was seen on his face.

Donghun laughed in a menacingly way “Prepare to get roasted.”

“But Donghun hyung! I'm also in trouble!” Yuchan whined.

Donghun hugged the younger and chuckled “Don't worry, I'll protect you from Junhee.”

“Hey! Yoonie! Protect me too!” Byeongkwan clinged to Sehyoon that just chuckled, “Hey! What was that about?! Protect me from Junhee too!”

“Good luck, Kwannie.” Sehyoon joked and he can see how terrified Byeongkwan was and laughed out loud.

“Sehyoonie! How could you?!” Byeongkwan whines as he playfully hits his shoulder.

 

Sehyoon chuckled. But he suddenly remembered something so ridiculous that made him laugh, making the three look at him in confusion.

 

“Sorry, I just remembered something funny.” Sehyoon admitted.

“Spill the tea!” Yuchan stated

“Eh? But it was really a secret of mine a long time ago,” Sehyoon said while tilting his head a bit.

“Just say it, Sehyoonie!” Byeongkwan insists.

“Fine, but please don’t misundertand this. It was all in the past.” The three nodded as Sehyoon took a deep breath, “My first love is actually Junhee.”

“What the fuck?” Donghun was surprised. He can’t believe that both of his friends had been oblivious to their feelings for each other before. It made him more convinced that his friends were a bunch of coo-coo brained losers.

“But why didn’t you confess?” Yuchan asked.

“I was about to. I had it all planned out but Byeongkwan ruined all of it before, I was about to confess to Junhee on the day that Byeongkwan had been assigned as my dance partner and he didn’t let me go! He literally sticked himself because he wants the choreo to be finished as soon as possible so we focused on it until I forgot my intention at all!” Sehyoon said while looking at Byeongkwan.

“I can't believe all of you.” Donghun stared at them in disbelief, “I can't believe that I’m friends with a bunch of idiots.”

“But we’re your idiots.” Sehyoon retorts and Donghun scoffed, making them laugh.

 

 

Sehyoon can't help but feel so happy right now, with the one that he loves. He was really thankful of Junhee on breaking his walls down, without Junhee.. he probably is a miserable kid and without Junhee, he wouldn't be able to enjoy life like how he does right now. And without Junhee, he wouldn't be able to meet this boy that changed his life completely and made him feel that emotion that he was yearning to feel. Love. Junhee had helped him feel love, to feel love and to feel loved back and he was thankful.

Despite the younger not being present on their celebration, he whispered a 'Happy new year, Junhee' as he started to play along with the others. They can't wait to be with their friend and their leader once again and they'll wait for Junhee to come back. They won't force him but they'll wait.. they'll keep on waiting for him.

 

 

But what’s the point of waiting someone that would never return?

 

 

° fin •

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you!~ please read the note on the next chap ♡


	11. ° note °

hello! first of all, congratulations on finishing such a shitty fic made by the worst kind of livint creature a.k.a me! also, thank you so much for enduring such an awful story ;; i’m really thankful to y’all especially on the comments that you’ve given this story.

 

i’m sorry for not giving such a nice shot on junhee x family interactions since i barely interact with mine and i’m.. the worthless here so hehe sorry ;; second, sorry if i couldn’t make such romantic scenes. i’m more on suffering and madness. :<

 

so umm.. the reason why i made this note aside from showing my gratitude and asking for forgiveness is that i’m really planning to make a bunch of SPECIAL CHAPTERS! and as of now, the only thing that i’ve planned was these:

° how rayoon saw junhee and fell for him   
\- i’ve shown a bit of it on the final chapter

° how junhee tried to approach sehyoon and befriended him

 

yet i’m still trying to know your opinions about this! please suggest a lot. i need more suggestions please, i would really like to write a bunch of these!

 

once again, thank you very much! i’m currently working on an angsty junchan fic entitled ‘the chaser’ along w/ my chan-centered fic, ‘never end’ :) hope that you can support it just like how you supported this story~ i have a looooooot of prompts on my mind and i might drop a lot of a.c.e fics soon hahahaha also.. happy birthday donghun!~ ♥


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